Cold
by WolFang1011
Summary: It's been some time since Gray Fullbuster quit Fairy Tail for a quiet life. When he hears of his former team members embarking on a perilous expedition, he feels queasy. As soon as things start to fall apart, Gray is forced to reconsider his retirement. Going to the ends of Earthland to save them seems an easy choice until Gray is confronted by past ghosts. Can he beat the cold?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: In the spirit of the holiday season, this story is dedicated to _Mnemosyne's Elegy_. She has consistently given the Grayza fandom the best fics on this site over the years. And since she's my friend, this is my birthday present to her. Happy birthday, Elegy! I hope you have a good day and enjoy this little story. Thank you for everything you've done.**

* * *

_You're walking a wire between pain and desire, and looking for love in-between._

_\- _Eagles, "Victim of Love"

* * *

**1**

Knuckles stinging, Gray punched again. _One-two_. He took a quick, diagonal step to his left while pulling his left arm back. _Always create angles_. His right hand shot out, his fist reaching its target with a thunderous report.

_Catch 'em in the body. Guard comes down. Lowers face. Up, up._

With a torque of his hips, Gray wrenched the same hand up, landing an uppercut. Usually, that would end it. _But not today_.

_Not enough. Never enough._

Bobbing his head, he wove to his left. Sweat streamed from his brow. He felt his hair stick to his neck. But he didn't stop. Couldn't.

_More_.

Gray darted in with his right foot. Drove his left foot into the ground. Twisted his hips. Clenched his jaws.

His left fist, hovering just beneath his jaw, remained relaxed. It stayed that way as he extended his arm forward, powered by his entire body. Moments from impact, his fingers curled and tightened into a fist. Usually, his breath left him in a quick, sharp exhale. That day, it ripped from him in a loud, angry howl.

Then, maybe a second before pegging the mark, he rotated his wrist.

He felt the impact all the way up his shoulder. But it didn't stop him. His fist smashed through the resistance. _Punch through them. Aim for the spine. They're not there._ He held his stance even after the punch landed, watching the bag swing up and smack the ceiling before returning in slow motion.

Stopping it with his hands, Gray braced himself against the bag. All he could hear was the thundering of his heart. He hadn't realised how worked up he'd gotten. _Easy breaths. Slowly_. He pushed himself off the sandbag and put his hands on his hips.

Gray's breath came in pants and he tilted his head back. His chest heaved heavily, almost painfully, and his guts burned. He closed his eyes. Nodded. _Good session_. He'd worked up quite a sweat.

Once he felt his heart let up and his breathing relax, Gray exhaled deeply. He mopped the sweat from his forehead and wiped his palm against his sweatpants. He opened his eyes when his breathing levelled out and glanced at the bag. That's when he saw the blood.

There wasn't much. Just a single smudge on the leather. He looked down at his hands. Found the skin completely torn off his knuckles.

Gray clicked his tongue. He went and sat down on the lone bench at the far corner of the room. Picking up his towel from the ground, he dried off the sweat from his chest and neck. Upon finishing, he pulled out the steel bucket from under the bench. With a sigh, he moulded some magic and half filled it with ice-cubes. Then he placed it on the seat and shoved his hands inside.

It stung. Gray grimaced, but sat through it. Icing had become a very prominent part of his morning workout. Not that he minded. It was useful.

Once the pain melted away, he pulled his hands out and dried them. A click of his fingers melted the ice and Gray soaked the towel in it. He wrung it out, and went and cleaned the bloodstain off the sandbag.

_Always take care of your equipment. Make sure it's always ready to be used. It's helping you out, so help it, too._

When the bloodstains came off, he carried the bucket out of his training room and crossed the hall into his bedroom. He glanced at the clock. A quarter past five. There was time.

He entered the attached bathroom and took care of his toilet. Then he emptied the bucket over his head. It was as close to a bath as he usually came. But not on that day. Gray took the time to bathe properly. He didn't want to stink.

Afterwards, he decided to shave, too. _Your appearance matters. People will judge you by your looks long before they decide to get to know you_. He didn't want to take any chances.

Shaving was one of those things he took great care with. Stray hairs were very good at evading him. Especially under his chin and jaw. He didn't want any of those. So, he pressed his razor a little tighter to his skin.

Immediately, Gray flinched. He saw the cut form almost in slow-motion. A single drop of blood escaped, rolling down his throat before dripping down to his collarbone. Gray watched it race across his pale chest, where the Fairy Tail insignia had been once.

He looked in the mirror. Tried to remember the exact shape of the tattoo. The colour, the placement. He raised his hand to touch the spot, but stopped himself. Felt his jaw tighten.

Gray splashed water on his face and chest, chasing the blood, and the memories, away.

_Not today, _he told himself._ Not today._

The clock's face told him that it was almost half past five when he left the bathroom. Gray, calculating how much time he had left, went into his kitchen. He decided to forego coffee and go straight to breakfast. His culinary talents were almost non-existent, but _some_ things he could do pretty well.

_What you do is, you whisk the eggs, a little butter, and a little milk and salt and pepper together and pour it onto a small pan on medium heat. As the egg cooks, gently push the edges towards the middle – about a half inch – and tilt the pan so the runny egg fills the small crevice you just made._

He followed the instructions exactly as he remembered, smiling slightly as he did so. Ul had trained him in more ways than one.

Turning down the heat, Gray flicked on the radio. Some nonsensical early morning talk show. Gray didn't care. _In one ear, out the other_. It was noise. It killed the silence. He couldn't work if there wasn't chatter. Old habits _did_ die hard.

Once there was no more runny egg, Gray flipped the thing over. It had taken _lots_ of practice, but he could do it without tearing anything now. _Ul would've been proud_. He placed the ham and cheese on one side of the egg and flipped the other side over it. After transferring his creation onto a plate, he carried it over to the small square table and sat down. He picked up a fork in his left hand and sprinkled some pepper over the omelette with his right.

The talk show ended on the radio, giving way to a news bulletin. Gray ate quietly while listening to it. Nothing really happened in his neck of the woods. Other than alpine disasters, but those were brought to him first. Anything that happened above the snowline was his department. There wasn't much to do, usually, but skiing accidents were common in the winter.

After washing and drying his plate, Gray went back to his bedroom. He changed into his black trousers and chose a simple black shirt to go with it. While he wasn't a fan of it, he tucked his shirt in – he didn't want to look like a loafer.

He pulled his old white coat on and slipped his keys into his pocket. The dark sky greeted him when he stepped out. Winter had chased the sun away. He stood on his porch for a moment, taking in the scene. The days were always dark around this time of year, with the sun showing up to sprinkle a twilight-esque band of light across the sky at noon.

Usually, Gray counted on the northern lights to show him the way, but they were absent. _Ah, well._ He shrugged and took the toboggan which stood propped against his front wall. _Not like it's a difficult route, anyway_.

The village of Huldsborg was a straight shot down from his mountain cabin. The sledge got him there in under three minutes, though it took about a half hour to climb up.

Once the terrain levelled out, Gray got up and walked into town, dragging his sledge behind him. The place was already humming with activity; it was market day. It usually happened thrice a week, but winter never let anybody have their way. The inclement weather usually limited it to once, or maybe twice. The villagers had to make the most of it.

"Morning, Mister Fullbuster." a young boy greeted him on the street with a nod. "Take your toboggan?"

"Thanks, Peter." Peter was the village's goatherd, and the innkeper's son. The summer pastures were frozen now, rendering him unemployed and forcing him to attend school. He was ten, and only his eyes and nose peeked out from within all his layers of clothing. Gray handed him the reins and he followed along. "Your mother doing okay?"

"She's fine. Just busy."

"Mhmm. Hear anything about the trains being late?"

"Not really. The merchants arrived in the first train just fine. Why? You going to Nyborg?"

Nyborg was the closest town with a railway station. It was an hour away by carriage. Gray hummed.

"See Luca yet today?"

Peter shook his head. "Why? Do you want him to go up?"

"If you see him, tell him to drop by tomorrow, okay?" He gave the boy some money and a list. "Buy these for me. I'm having guests over. You can keep the balance."

Peter pocketed both the money and the list. "Anything else, Mister Fullbuster?"

"Nope. Keep the sledge at the inn. I'll come pick it, and the groceries, up in the evening."

With a salute, the boy ran off. Gray chuckled to himself. He was certain that Peter would use it as an excuse to not go to school that morning. Some things just couldn't be helped.

He nodded at all the villagers who greeted him on the way. Any other day, he'd stop and talk to them, but he had a train to meet.

The road from Huldsborg to Nyborg was mostly flat. It had a few bumps that _could_ be called hills, but Gray didn't think of them as such. Neither did the people in the area. They were too used to sky scraping mountains and plunging gorges to be bothered by bumps on the road.

A honk from behind made him look back. He saw a four-wheeler coming up the slope behind him. A middle-aged man sat in the driver's seat, waving at him. Gray stopped walking when he recognised him. It was Arthur, one of the richest merchants in the district. He could afford a car, and thus wasn't dependent on the train. _A true travelling peddler_.

Arthur stopped beside Gray and raised his hat. "Good morning, Winter Wizard. Where you off to?"

Gray smiled. The people had started calling him that sometime over the years. His only choice was to accept the moniker with grace.

"Nyborg. I need to receive the nine o' clock train."

"Got visitors coming, eh?"

"Yeah."

"Well, hop on. Be faster than walking."

"Where're you going?"

"Home," the man replied and scooted over. "It's my little girl's birthday, and I want to get there before she wakes up. Nyborg's on the way. If you put on the SE-plug, we'll make it in no time."

Magic vehicles converted the user's magical energy into fuel. The SE-plug, short for Self Energy, was a wristband connected by a cable to the car's engine. The faster you went, the more it taxed your reserves.

Gray laughed. "You just want to get home faster, don't you?"

"I'm helping you help me," the man shrugged, but Gray didn't miss the amused twinkle in his eyes.

"All right, Arthur. I'll put on the band, but you'll hafta steer this thing. I can't drive."

"No offense, Winter Wizard, but I'll never let anyone else drive Dahlia."

With a shake of his head, Gray climbed into the car. They were off as soon as he wore the bracelet. Gray dumped all the magical power he could do without into the machine. His reserves had grown over the years, so it didn't bother him. Arthur seemed excited at the sudden boost of speed. He wanted to get home. Getting to Nyborg fast was in their mutual interest.

Arthur wasn't a very talkative person when he wasn't trying to sell anything. Either that, or he was too grateful to talk. Gray made the car go faster and, soon, they were flying off the bumps.

"You know," said Arthur, grinning giddily, "I'm really lucky I don't have fragile things in the back. I really want to see how fast Dahlia can go!"

"I would show you, but this is the fastest I'm comfortable with. I don't wanna die just yet."

"I'll have you know that I'm an _excellent_ driver."

"Yes." Considering his previous experiences in magic vehicles, he couldn't disagree. "Yes, you are."

What took a solid two hours at a brisk pace took them a little over a half hour. Unless the town clock was running fast, Gray realised that he was an hour and a half early. After bidding farewell to Arthur, he walked leisurely to the station. He dropped by the enquiry office, and the tired lady told him that the train was indeed not running late, that she hadn't slept well in three months, and that she needed a massage.

Gray wished her luck and walked away. _What am I gonna do now?_ Nyborg wasn't new to him, so exploration was out. He _could_ sit inside the station. But then he'd have to buy a platform pass and those expired in an hour.

Sighing, Gray made his way to the diner opposite the station. It got a lot of traffic, and was thus open almost all day. They had an infinite refill policy, too, which made waiting easier.

He took a seat in a booth by a window so he could keep track of the giant clock tower just outside the station. If nothing else, he could count the seconds. _I was counting the seconds till you showed up_. He snorted and shook his head. _Won't be caught dead sayin' that_.

But he ended up doing just that. It was magic. Gray couldn't stare at a clock and _not_ count the seconds. Around the 2,300 second mark, it started snowing. It stopped 937 seconds later, and Gray decided to get up. He'd wasted an hour. _Might as well waste the rest inside the station_.

Knowing the platform number the train would enter, Gray paced around, his attention focused on the announcements. The trains were usually on time – especially on market days. But he couldn't help the gnawing worry in his gut. His mind conjured up an endless stream of what-if's, each one more unlikely than the last, until he bought a magazine just to distract himself. There was an article detailing the traditional whale hunting expeditions of the native tribes in the region.

_It'll do._

To their credit, the journalist had done a very good job at accurately portraying exactly why the activity was so important. Gray himself had taken part in it once. Refusing the invitation wouldn't have been proper. It had been the experience of a lifetime, though. An honour.

_Your attention, please. 12369 up Skeidi-Nordsfjord Express is coming on platform number three. Oppmerksomhet-_

Tuning out the rest, Gray rolled up the magazine and stuffed it into his coat pocket. That the train was 'coming' usually meant that it had left the previous station. It would arrive anywhere between fifteen minutes to an hour.

But Gray didn't have to wait that long. Within ten minutes, he could hear the steam whistle. A couple of minutes after that, the great red engine materialised from around the bend. He felt his heart jump. Just a little.

The sight of a train always excited some long buried instinct in him. Brought back memories he didn't want to revisit. Snatches of conversation and feelings from a very different time.

With a sigh, Gray stepped on the bubble of emotion forming in his chest and moved on to where he knew the first class bogies would stop. It was always first class. Not that money was an issue, but still. He half believed that it was because he'd know _exactly_ where to stand. The thought made him smirk.

_Typical_.

He closed his eyes as the engine stormed past him, letting the wind tousle his hair. His nostrils welcomed the smell of grease and coals. Hawkers and peddlers and porters were already running up to the windows, offering their goods or services. The usually quiet station was suddenly abuzz with activity.

When the train halted, Gray jogged up the length of it. _Compartment S-2. Okay. B-1, S-4… that's S-3. Ah-hah! There we go._

He peered into the windows as he walked past. The curtains were drawn in most, and the coupes where they weren't were empty. Gray decided it would be wiser to just stand by the door. He was rewarded within moments.

The door was pushed open gently. Erza Scarlet stood in the doorway, one hand on the handle. Her eyes found his immediately, and her expression went from surprised to pleased in a fraction of a second. She was dressed appropriately for the winter – a pink anorak covered her torso, and her jeans were tucked into knee high boots. Her face was flushed, painting her cheeks in a gentle, rosy pink.

_Probably from the cold_, Gray told himself as his gaze fluttered up, over her shoulder.

There was nobody behind her.

His smile faltered a bit at that. Gray sighed out of his nose and looked back at Erza. The ghost of a frown appeared on her face and he kicked himself. She'd probably noticed him deflate. She was good at reading him. _Most of the time_. Erza didn't say anything, but her smile returned when he held out his hand.

She took it and hopped onto the platform. Gray couldn't help the grin that broke out on his face. It was rare that he got to see her anymore. He felt her squeeze his hand, her thumb trailing over his knuckles. For a moment, her frown returned – no doubt she'd found the newly torn skin. When she dropped his hand, Gray braced for a scolding.

Instead, Erza coughed into her hand and cleared her throat. She looked up at him, smiling, and said, "Takk for sist."

Gray blinked, slightly taken aback by this development. Erza looked rather pleased with herself. She ran her fingers through her hair and declared, with no small amount of pride, "I practiced."

It was… definitely an Erza thing to do. Gray could clearly see her poring over dictionaries and visiting language coaches to get it _just_ right. _Probably walked around her room in circles all night trying different pitches and tones to find the perfect balance._ And she _had_ nailed it. That she would go to such lengths just to master a simple phrase rather touched him.

And so, Gray chuckled and stuffed his hands inside his pockets. "Yes. It's nice to see you, too."

* * *

"Cover your head," Gray told Erza as they emerged from the station. "And put some gloves on."

"Yes, yes." She requipped a pair of woollen gloves on her hands and pulled on the hood of her anorak. "Happy?"

Only her face was exposed now. It made her mock-glare look all the more adorable.

Gray smiled. "You want some coffee? Warm up and rest a little?"

Erza shook her head. "I can rest afterwards. I want to go."

"Right." He hadn't expected any different. "Come on, then. Bus terminus is this way."

"I know, Gray. I memorised the map."

"Why are you like this?"

"It saves me time."

He laughed aloud. _Oh, I've missed you_. "I really shouldn't be surprised. Yet, I am."

"Well, that's your own fault, then."

"Yes, ma'am."

Was it always so easy to talk to her? Or did distance and time sweeten it? It had certainly been his experience. With her, at least. Lyon, too. Back in the day, he was always awkward around her. Never knew what to say. Now, that wasn't so. The stories piled up over the months, so there was always something to talk about. That, and he was at his friendliest. Seeing someone after a long time usually did that. He suspected it was the same for her.

"I don't think I'd ever get used to having six months of darkness," Erza commented as she slid into a seat by a window. "How do you know when to sleep? Or wake up?"

"You get used to it," Gray replied. "It's easier in the summer, though."

"That's six months of almost constant sunlight!"

"Yeah. Curtains exist for a reason."

The bus, on account of the latest snowfall, couldn't really go very fast. Gray didn't mind. He wasn't in a hurry anymore. Erza stared out of the window, peering into the countryside, trying to make out signs and structures in the dusky light. He smiled to himself. Just having her near did wonders for his spirits.

_Then again, she's probably tired_. It was a thirty hour journey from Magnolia to Nyborg. She'd had to change trains at the border. And now, with this, even her legendary durability might be getting strained.

"You have breakfast?" he asked.

"They served cake on the train."

"That's not exactly a wholesome meal."

"This coming from the man whose diet consists of bread, butter and eggs." She shook her head in disappointment. "When will you learn to cook, Gray?"

"Hey, I can cook. I cooked just this morning!"

"Was it an omelette?"

Gray said nothing. Erza turned to him, smirking.

"I rest my case," she said.

"It was a _good_ omelette," he returned half-heartedly. "And besides, don't change the subject."

"No, Gray. I have not had a proper breakfast."

"We're getting some food in your system when we reach Nidaros."

"Yes, yes."

Nidaros was a big port city. Unsurprisingly, it was a trade hub. Everything from whale blubber to cloudberries was sold there. It catered to the culinary palettes of every culture, too, gathering food from every corner of the world. Port towns were always like that. They made everyone feel at home. For all the sailors and traders, who spent months on the seas, this was a small piece of home.

Erza, however, decided to eschew Fiore delicacies. "If I wanted pasta, I could've had it at home. In Isvan, eat as they do."

It was sound logic, but Gray wasn't fooled. "You're not having Kvaefjordkake."

She frowned belligerently, but he was having none of it. Kvaefjordkake was the first word Erza had picked up for a reason. It was a kind of layered sponge cake – baked with meringue and almonds and filled with custard and whipped cream. The people of Isvan called it the best cake in the world. Ezra had put it in second place in her list, after Fantasia. Gray believed the only reason why Kvaefjordkake came in second was due to the absence of strawberries.

"You can have it afterwards," he relented eventually. "But you need food. _Actual_ food."

"You are being extra fussy today. Is something the matter?"

He hiked his shoulders. "Just looking out for your health."

"I appreciate it, Gray." She smiled and bumped him with her shoulder. "But I've already decided on what I want to have."

"Oh? And what might that be?"

* * *

"Seriously?" Gray asked, leaning back against the rails of the airship. "Waffles? Really?"

Erza, nibbling away on her favoured heart-shaped snack, nodded happily. She looked like a contented bunny. The sight was so adorable that Gray didn't even have the heart to rebuke her.

Instead, he sighed and said, "Hopeless."

She was just that. Hopeless. Given a choice, Gray was certain she'd open a confectionary café of some sort. _And be her own biggest customer_. He sighed again and shook his head. _Not that I can blame her_. The damn things were sold everywhere in Isvan. From ferry boat food stalls to museum cafés and beyond. But _ten_ of them? With honey?

Why she had such a sweet tooth was beyond him.

Gray sighed again – he always sighed more when she was involved – and turned towards the horizon. He could see the outline of Kongsfjorden, tiny in the distance. It was an island about 2,000 kilometres from the mainland of Ishgar, making it the northernmost permanently settled place in the continent. Not that there were many people. It had a few research stations and a mining town, totalling about two thousand people maximum. If that.

"Want one?"

"Hmm?" He turned to find Erza holding out a waffle. "Nah, that's okay."

"How long has it been since you had your omelette?"

"Four hours."

She pressed it closer. "You should eat. It's unwise to let your stomach wait for so long."

Frowning slightly, he took it from her. With Erza, one always had to pick and choose the battles. Not every hill was worth dying on. Besides, the woman was right. He _was_ getting hungry.

The airship made good time. It was a two hour journey, and they made it well before midday. A shuttle from the wharf took them to the small research town of New Bergstad. It studied mainly marine ecosystems and other things related to the frigid climates. Being halfway to the North Pole, it was an important site, with scientists from all around the continent settling there with their families.

It was also deathly cold. Except for a few short weeks in summer, the temperatures were constantly below zero. Yet, they _still_ sold waffles here.

Erza visited the Marine Museum every time she dropped by. She glanced at it longingly as they passed by. Gray smiled to himself.

"Do you wanna go?"

She shook her head. "On the way back."

"All right," he replied, knowing she would say that. Nothing could ever distract her from the task at hand. Except cake, but that was a different issue. Erza always had priorities. He appreciated it.

Leaving town, Gray took a well-worn path leading east. He'd walked down it countless times. He knew every turn and slope. It would've been a treacherous journey otherwise, especially in such low light. Gray offered Erza his arm.

"Hold on. You'll slip and fall otherwise."

With a chuckle, she accepted. "Thank you, Gray. Very chivalrous of you."

He didn't respond. Hand holding would be difficult for her, what with the thick gloves. This was more efficient. It also felt nicer. Though he suspected she knew that already.

_Women_.

The rubble started appearing soon after. A brick here, some mortar there. Then came the still standing ruins. The ghost of a chimney, half a wall, a hole where a well used to be. Just enough to make out the skeleton of the settlement that once was. A ghost town in the truest sense.

Bergstad. _Old_ Bergstad.

His onetime home.

Over the past few years, Gray had dropped by the ruins of the old town dozens of times. He came by every time he felt like it. The authorities had resisted at first, but after learning his identity and past, they'd relented. Indeed, Gray had helped lay the foundation for New Bergstad.

The municipal corporation was hesitant about rebuilding on the old site. They felt it would be an ill-fated venture. Given the context, it made sense. At the same time, they didn't want to perpetuate the idea of bad luck. They wanted to build a more positive image for the island. As a compromise, the newer research station was far away enough that the people there didn't have to live in the shadow of destruction. Normally, you had to take a permit to even visit the ruins. Gray was given a free pass. And Erza was Erza. It'd be bad press to _not_ let her go somewhere.

"Careful. There was a wall here. Don't trip over a brick or something."

"I have you, Gray. You're my guide and saviour."

He snorted. "You _are_ a klutz. Sometimes."

She responded by elbowing him in the ribs lightly. "Careful. I might take offense."

"Perish the thought," Gray replied quietly as he came to a halt. "Perish the thought."

Not much remained. A single wall somehow still stood defiantly. The base of the chimney was also intact. Rubble lay strewn on the floor. However, his eyes were drawn to the wooden pole that stood in the centre.

Standing head and shoulders above the rest, it looked like the last remaining bastion of some fallen castle. Gray stared at it. Every time he came, it arrested – nay, _demanded_ his attention. It was a reminder of what had been lost there. The source of many a misguided action.

He stood at where the doorway would have been, oh so long ago. The memories, what little there remained, came back to him then. Laughter over the dinner table, nights spent huddled before the fireplace, snowball fights. Voices from faceless, nameless people.

For a moment, just a short moment, he saw them all. Saw them all around him. Staring. Nodding. Reaching out. They were happy. He could tell.

"Gray?"

And then… they were gone. His reverie broken, he glanced at Erza. Found her looking up at him. Her smile was tight.

"Shall we cross the threshold?" she asked.

"Oh." _Right. Haven't even stepped inside yet._ "Yeah."

With a nod, Erza pulled him in. He couldn't stop his smile as he followed her. She had always been there to pull him forward. He'd been caught in her wake ever since the first day she stepped inside the guildhall. And in every instance where she'd caused him to go forward, he was grateful.

Swiping at his eyes very quickly, he muttered, "I'm home."

Erza stopped before the pole and looked at him. Gray gazed up at it. At the very top, fastened with some rope, was a board of wood. It resembled a cross. It was covered it snow, and he reached up and wiped it clean.

It looked like a street sign, but all it had to say were two names.

_Mika. Gray._

He grazed his fingers along the letters of his mother's name. Why, he didn't know. It was just something he did. Somehow, it made him feel like he was reaching her. A stupid notion, no doubt.

_But it's all I've got._

Taking in a deep breath, Gray pulled his hand back. Wordlessly, Erza released his arm and stepped aside. Again, he felt a wave of gratitude wash over him. _She knows me a bit _too_ well_, he thought as he brought his palms together, moulding his magic and giving it shape. White light radiated from between the gaps of his fingers, illuminating the remains of his first home.

Gray took a good look. Then, as the light faded, he knelt down and placed a single ice rose by the foot of the pillar, beside all the countless others.

_Thank you for giving me a home. I don't remember you much, but I loved you enough to want to do a lot of dumb things in the name of revenge. I don't know where you are… if there even is a place after all this. But if there is, I wish you happiness. Take care of the old man, okay? I know you probably already know, but he had it pretty rough. So, yeah. Talk again when I see you, Ma. Take care of yourself._

With a sigh, Gray stood, turned, and slowly walked out into the darkness, Erza in tow.

* * *

Erza didn't speak much on the way back. She seemed content with the silence, but _he_ wasn't. Gray _wanted_ to talk, to say something funny, but his mind drew a complete blank. All the way from Kongsfjorden to Nidaros, and from there to Nyborg, he couldn't come up with a _single_ thing to say.

The anniversary of his parents' death was a bad day. Erza had come all the way from Fiore to keep him company. He was sure she was exhausted, and despite all that, she'd still bantered back and forth with him. Kept his mood light. Made sure he didn't get depressed.

_And I'm so useless I can't even do the same for her._

Now, as the carriage rattled up to Huldsborg, he cleared his throat and asked, "Do you think sand is called sand because it's between sea and land?"

Erza turned towards him and tilted her head. "Haven't you asked me that before?"

"I have?"

"I think so. A long time ago."

"Huh. That's weird." He scratched his cheek. "Coulda sworn I was being original."

She chuckled, but said nothing more. Gray didn't push it. It was still early in the evening – not later than four-thirty – but she needed rest.

_I wonder if I should get a car._

The sky had darkened to a dark bluish tint by the time the carriage dropped them off at Huldsborg. Angry, puffy clouds had gathered in the meantime. It didn't bode well. Gray hoped it didn't start snowing while they were still out.

After paying the fare, he told Erza that he had to drop by the inn.

"I have groceries waiting for me. You can come with me if you like."

"Sure."

A bell tinkled as pushed open the door, and all the patrons looked up and smiled at him. Their smiles morphed into grins when they saw Erza walk in behind him.

"Are you married yet?"

"She's so pretty. Good on you!"

"I wish you both a lifetime of happiness."

Thankfully, they kept it in Isvali. Gray grimaced when he saw Erza raise her eyebrows at him. She knew a few words at best. Hopefully, she didn't get what they were saying. Unless she'd learnt the language since her last visit.

"Ignore them," he muttered and went up to the bar. "Helgi, did Peter leave my things?"

Helgi, a plump little woman of about forty, was the innkeeper. She liked to say that was her part-time job, though. Mothering Peter took most of her time. Then again, she liked to mother almost everybody. Gray was not exempt from this.

"Yes," she returned while serving her patrons. "Over there in the corner. On your sledge."

"Thanks." Gray tapped the counter. "Will it be ready tomorrow?"

Helgi looked up at that. She smiled when she saw Erza and nodded. Turning to Gray, she grinned and held up a thumb. Gray smiled back.

"Goodnight, Helgi."

"See you tomorrow."

His sledge indeed lay in the corner. Placed on it were the things he'd wanted – salmon, potatoes, butter and a few tubes of caviar. Satisfied, Gray took up the reins and smiled at Erza. "The last stretch."

Once they were outside the inn, Erza said, "You sure picked a heck of a place to settle down in, Gray."

"I did, didn't I?" He rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling. "Yeah. It's really out of the way. I'm sorry you have to do so much walking. You're tired and-"

"I don't mind," Erza cut him off, laughing. She linked her hands behind her back and skipped ahead. "I think it's a very beautiful place. Primal. Powerful." Turning around, she smiled at him and walked backwards. "It suits you."

Suddenly, the entire area was awash in gentle, silver light. Having gotten used to the gloom all day, this suddenly blinded Gray, and he had to blink the confusion away. It took him a few seconds to realise that the moon had risen. _The clouds must've parted_. He didn't want to look up and make sure.

The moonbeams had fallen on Erza like a spotlight. Bouncing off the snow all around her, it looked even brighter. But somehow, it wasn't blinding. For a short, too short, moment, bathed in the ethereal light, Erza Scarlet resembled Titania, the Queen of Fairies.

Gray could only gawk, rooted to the spot. Her playful smile, the warmth in her bright brown eyes, the crimson bangs that fell over them… it seemed as though she was ready to shed her mortal form and go frolicking through the woods.

But then, the clouds consumed the moon again and the moment was gone. Only then did Gray notice his breathlessness.

"Are you okay?" Erza asked.

"Fine," Gray waved it off and resumed the climb. _Pull yourself together, Fullbuster. This is _not_ the time! _"Just… got distracted."

"Oh?" she asked as he reached her. "And what did you see in this snowy terrain that distracted you so?"

Gray frowned at her. Erza only chuckled.

"Was it something you liked?" she persisted.

"Stop this."

The sound of her laughter hung in the air as the cabin came into view. Gray noticed that the lights were on inside, though the door was shut.

"Home invasion?" Erza asked casually.

Gray shook his head. "Nah. Unless it's a hungry bear or something."

"Must be a very sophisticated bear indeed to know how to work light switches."

"Heh. Nah, it's either Luca or Heidi."

"Or both."

"I hope not."

Erza leaned closer, her tone radiating amusement. "Did you forbid them?"

"No hanky-panky under _my_ roof," Gray replied and pushed open the door. Immediately, the smell of smoked salmon made its presence felt. _Heidi, then_. "Adelheid, you in here?"

"Yeah," came the girl's voice from the kitchen. "Peter said you'd be back late, and Mother told me to make you something."

"You're too nice to me," Gray replied. As the girl chuckled, he picked up the supplies off the sledge and leant it up against the wall. Erza was already taking off her shoes. Dragging in snow wasn't a problem for him, but she had a strong sense of propriety.

"Your room's ready," he told Erza. "Go and take a bath. Freshen up. I'll go attend to the kitchen."

"Is Luca with you? I haven't-oh." Before Erza could respond, Heidi came out of the kitchen and stopped short upon noticing her. Her face flushed immediately. "Lady Scarlet!" she exclaimed, her already broken Fiorian breaking further. Her transition from fluent Isvali to this always amused Gray. "I, um, it is good to see you again. Are you, er, well?"

"I am fine, Adelheid," Erza told her with a laugh. She pulled back the hood of her anorak and went up to give the girl a hug. "Your Fiorian has gotten much better since last time. Have you been practicing?"

"Yes!"

"You've gotten taller, too. Been eating healthy, I assume?"

"Um, Mother makes sure, so..."

Gray left them to their girl talk and stepped into the kitchen. Even in Isvan, Erza Scarlet was an inspiration to young girls. Heidi was sixteen – the perfect age range to idolise Erza. That he was friends with her had stunned the girl. Meeting her had almost made her faint. He chuckled at the memory.

_Women_.

He placed the groceries in their designated place and hovered over the cooking station. Heidi had been making smoked salmon with scrambled eggs and potatoes. _Brilliant_. He stuck a piece of potato in his mouth and came out. The girls were still chattering, so he slipped into his room to change. He hung up the shirt and trousers and took a quick bath. Erza would scold him if he didn't display proper hygienic practices during her stay. He'd had too many of those.

After putting on a simple full-sleeved blue t-shirt and sweatpants, he came out to find Heidi bustling about the kitchen. She had a big grin on her face. It was what Gray called the Erza Effect.

"Did she finally go bathe?" he asked. Heidi looked up and nodded. Gray hummed. "You're gonna dine with us, right?"

"I couldn't. Mother wanted me to be down before it got late. I didn't realise Lady Scarlet was coming with you, so I didn't make enough. I'm making more now. It'll take a while."

"It'll be fine. Take the sledge."

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt you two. You see each other so little…" She shook her head. "I'll see Lady Scarlet again tomorrow!"

To hear Erza being referred to as 'Lady Scarlet' made him chuckle. _Oh, if only you knew how much of a brat she is. _Then again, not many people saw that side of her.

"Mmm. Speaking of seeing people," Gray sat down on one of the chairs, "where's Luca? Still on the job?"

Heidi nodded. "He stopped by for lunch. Peter told him that you wanted him to come by tomorrow."

"He say anything?"

"He said he'd be here."

"Good enough." He placed his elbow on the table and put his cheek on his palm. "Everything going good for you two?"

Almost immediately, Heidi's freckled cheeks reddened. Her smile grew warmer and she ducked her head.

"Y-Yes," she replied, her voice barely audible. "Everything is good." Then she pushed her auburn hair into her face to hide herself. "You ask such _embarrassing_ questions!"

Gray laughed and shook his head. _Ah, young love_. "Hey, I'm glad." Adelheid was Helgi's eldest child and Peter's older sister. She was a good, sweet kid. Luca was lucky. "Just don't suck face in here, okay?"

"_Master Fullbuster!_"

"Gray, stop bothering her," came Erza's reprimand from her designated room. Heidi smiled at the support. "You should be grateful she takes such good care of you."

"Hey, I think she's adorable." Gray reached out and tousled the girl's hair. She hummed affectionately. "She just looks cuter when embarrassed, is all."

"I don't care." Erza emerged clad in a thin, long-sleeved red thermal shirt and black leggings. Gray found it very hard to look away, but she soon requipped into a new pair of jeans and a thick, pink woollen sweater. She somehow managed to make pink look good. "You should not embarrass people for your amusement."

"Yeah, yeah. Heidi says she won't stay for dinner."

Erza turned her disappointed gaze upon the girl. "Why, Adelheid? You worked so hard to make all of this."

"Oh. Um." Unlike him, she was not immune to this look. "My mother, she, um, she wanted me to be back early, so."

Tilting her head slightly, Erza considered this. "Yes. It is unwise to go against the wishes of your parents." The girl nodded, clutching the hem of her skirt. "However, you must dine with us tomorrow night." Erza placed her hand on her shoulder. "I'll cook. Okay?"

Heidi's grin could've illuminated the whole village. Gray was sure of it. With a bob of her head, she quickly promised that she would. Then Gray told her that he'd finish up and that she'd better be going home. She didn't resist, and, after giving them a quick hug apiece, she was out of the cabin like the wind.

"She's adorable," Erza said with a smile as she set the table. "I'll make it a banquet she'll never forget! We should invite the whole town!"

"Or you could just hijack the inn. They have a larger kitchen."

"Would they let me?"

"They'll love you forever if you did." Gray put the dishes on the table and sprinkled some parsley on top as garnish. Now that the food was on the plate, he _did_ feel rather hungry. "Seriously. They're all good, hardworking people. Simple and friendly. They'll appreciate it. Here, let me." He pulled out her chair for her. "For you, Lady Scarlet."

Erza chuckled as she settled in. "My, my. You have been _very_ chivalrous, Gray. Did you do something bad?"

"I'm not a child." He opened the chilled cabinet and took out a bottle. From a shelf, he retrieved two wine glasses and returned to the table. "You coulda started eating, you know."

"It's okay. I don't mind waiting a few more seconds." She took up her knife and fork when he sat down. "Shall we begin?"

"Yes. Yes, we shall."

They ate in silence. The food was good and warm. After a long day of physical exertion, it was a reward to be savoured. Only after the very last morsel was swallowed did Erza lean back in her chair and sigh happily, eyes closed.

"That was delicious," she whispered.

Gray smiled to himself. He'd given her extra while serving. "She's a pretty good cook."

"A sixteen year old girl cooks better than you."

"Listen." He jabbed his fork in her direction. "_I_ taught her how to make an omelette. I make the _best_ damn omelettes around here."

"And when are you going to expand your repertoire?"

"Eventually." He cleaned out his plate, stacked Erza's on top of his, and got up. "You tired?"

"No. I'll help with the dishes."

"I'll just dump 'em in the sink, Erza." And he did just that. "See?"

"You are hopeless," she told him with a shake of her head. "There were just two plates!"

Gray snorted and uncorked the bottle with his teeth. He filled both glasses with the clear liquid and held one out to her.

"Don't worry about it," he reassured her. "Clear your conscience, Erza. It's my house."

"Still bothers me," she muttered and took the glass, holding it delicately by the stem. She sniffed it. "What is this?"

"Mead."

Erza stared at him blankly. "You're giving _me_ alcohol."

"It's made of honey," he replied, laughing at her deadpan tone. "The alcohol content is very low. It's sweet, actually."

That was all it took. Erza took a sip. Closed her eyes. Licked her lips. "It _is_ pretty good."

"Right? I send Cana a few bottles from time to time. Ultear likes it, too. I take a coupla bottles with me when I go to visit."

"Oh." Her tone sounded somewhat subdued all of a sudden. "I see."

Gray felt like kicking himself. She didn't say it, but he heard her loud and clear.

_You can go visit her, but not us?_

The question hung in the air as silence fell between them. She took a small, measured sip but otherwise remained seated. Gray, standing by his chair, stared into the glass.

He didn't want to justify himself. That would make for a very tiresome conversation and neither of them would go to bed happy. Sighing out of his nose, he tilted his head back and emptied his glass in one go.

"C'mon," he said, breaking the silence. He put his glass on the table. Smiled. "I wanna show you something cool."

"All right."

Gray picked up the radio from the kitchen counter and led her out onto the patio. The patio was at the back of his house, overlooking a cliff. From there, on clear nights, the entire mountain range could be seen, arranged layer after layer. That night, the sky was overcast, but the view was still spectacular.

The mountains, robbed of their silver veneer, were no less impressive. They reached for the skies, proud and impassive, secure in the knowledge of their impenetrability. Over millennia, they had invited the curious and adventurous to their bosom. They had kept them, too. The mountains seldom parted with their bounty.

He heard Erza's breath catch as soon as she stepped outside. The night air was crisp and clean. In the absolute stillness, only they existed. Gray hummed.

"You can't form a complete image of a mountain," he said quietly. "It overwhelms you, and thus is a thing of the sublime."

"Like poetry, then." Erza nodded. "To some philosophers, writing – especially poetry – is the most sublime of mediums, because it can never fully capture what it is it's trying to say. And it is within that obscurity the sublime lies. With something like poetry, it isn't complete, and so is best suited to capturing the sublime."

"Yeah." He motioned for her to take one of the two deckchairs. He'd covered them with two layers of bear pelts to keep them warm. "Mountains are the embodiment of that. Great and incomprehensible," he stole a glance at her, "and all the more beautiful and terrifying for it."

"That's very beautiful, Gray," she told him as she slid into one of the chairs, snuggling in between the layers of furs. "Who needs a backyard when you have a back-cliff?"

He chuckled heartily as he took the one beside her. "I just spend the night out here sometimes. When I can't sleep. The sunrises are pretty."

"I'll bet." He heard her sigh. "I can understand why you like this place so much, Gray. I have missed this view. But you said you had something to show me?"

"Yeah." He placed the radio on the wooden floor and stretched his hands out towards the sky. "Watch this."

Within moments, the clouds started coming apart. It was as if some great, invisible hand was gently wringing them dry. They fell apart in tiny little pieces, freeing the moon from its confines. The cloud dust sparkled in the moonlight as it fell to earth, glimmering in the night sky as it cleared, laying bare the huge canvas filled with twinkling stars. The mountains, now awash in the faerie light, seemingly came alive. Like a cold flame, they glowed gently and steadily.

But Nature was in the mood for surprises that night. No sooner did the clouds melt away that ghostly beams of dancing green light appeared in the sky, lighting up everything in sight. Gray, who hadn't been expecting this development, was left stunned.

"Gray…" came Erza's voice, shaky and choked. "This is…"

She trailed off, not having the words. Gray turned towards her and found her gaping open mouthed and wide eyed. For all the time she spent around mages of such high calibre, Gray was pretty sure she'd never seen anything like this. Mother Nature's magic was on a level of its own. Not even the Queen of Fairies could hold a candle to Her.

"Yeah," Gray said simply and, smiling, looked back at the mountains. There were no words, not in all the three languages he knew, to describe what they'd just witnessed.

_Just us. Our little memory._

"How did you do that?" Erza asked after a while, after she'd recovered. She turned on her side to face him. "Did you manipulate the clouds?"

"A magician never reveals his tricks."

Erza hummed. "This far up north, the clouds are made of ice-crystals, aren't they?"

"Bingo."

She smiled, pillowing an arm. "You were right. It _was_ pretty cool."

"Thanks." He held up the radio. "Music?"

"Sure."

So, Gray clicked it on, hoping for something good.

"-every step you take, I'll be watch-" Gray shuddered and immediately changed the channel. That song reminded him _too much_ of Juvia. "-darling, you look wonder-" _Click_. "-never gonna give you up-" _Click_. "-near, far, where-" _Click_. "-feel the love toni-" _Click_. "-just called, to say, I love y-" _Click_. "-have this dance for the rest of my lif-" _Click_. "-will always love you-"

Gray turned the radio off and put it down as gently as he could. _Traitor!_ He coughed into his hand.

"There are, uh," he rubbed the nape of his neck, "no good songs on."

"Oh, I'm _sure_."

He turned to face her, frowning, a smart comeback on the tip of his tongue, but stopped himself. As she lay there, the half-empty glass dangling loosely in her fingers, her pink lips curled into an impish smile and her eyes twinkling with something resembling mischief, he couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. _She's the most stunningly beautiful woman I have ever seen_. It made him slightly breathless, the thought, but he didn't mind.

Erza appeared so at-ease, so comfortable and content, that he almost asked her if she wanted to stay with him. He pushed the thought from his mind mercilessly. _Don't be a selfish prick_. She already had a home. She already had people.

And he had chosen to not be a part of it.

"Why don't you play me something?"

Her gentle, lilting voice pulled him out of his dark thoughts. Her accent felt so natural in so alien a land, that he could only concentrate on the sound of her voice. What the words meant, he had no clue.

"Hva?" he asked instinctively. Then, realising his folly, he cleared his throat. "Sorry. What?"

Erza laughed lightly. "I'm saying, why don't you play me something? You had a guitar last time, didn't you?"

"Oh." It _was_ true. He'd taken up the instrument at Mirajane's insistence back when she was learning. She needed a jamming partner, and she'd roped him in with crocodile tears. For some reason, he'd stuck with it. "You sure?"

"Yes." Erza drained her glass and held it out. "I'm sure."

"As the lady wishes." Gray took her glass and placed it on the table. Then he slipped into his room to pick up his guitar before heading back out.

Whenever Erza asked him to play something, he knew that she referring to a song in particular. It was a spooky little ditty, about a man finding a hotel in the middle of a desert and how it wouldn't let him leave. Something about the haunting, unearthly tune made him like it, too.

"All right," he said after he made sure the guitar was tuned properly. He crossed one leg over the other and placed it on his lap. "You ready?"

"Mhmm."

Gray closed his eyes and started playing. He didn't need to look. He knew she was watching him. While he didn't do it aloud, he sang the words in his head as his fingers danced across the strings with practiced ease.

It was an entrancing, bewitching song. Like the man it was about, Gray felt compelled to keep playing it over and over. There was no escape, no reprieve. _Not from the song. Not from her_.

Erza had the power to pull you in somehow. That is, if she wanted to. She was the strongest person he knew. Strict, dependable, loyal. Yet also surprisingly feminine and vulnerable. She'd been through so much. So _very_ much. If this one song made her relax, he'd play it as many times as she wanted him to.

He lost all sense of time as he played. When he finally stopped, he had no idea whether he had played it once or a thousand times. The moon was still up, and, by its light, he saw her when he turned. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically. A few strands of her crimson hair had fallen over her face. Her lips were parted slightly, but there could be no mistaking the smile.

Erza Scarlet had fallen asleep.

Putting down the guitar, Gray spent a few moments just looking at her. _She really is beautiful when she's all peaceful like this_. He knew she'd be tired. No matter what she did to mask it, the journey took a toll on everybody. He felt a small bubble of happiness form in his chest at the fact that _he'd_ lulled her to sleep. Not anybody else.

_Me_.

But he couldn't let her sleep there. The furs did a good job, sure, but the exposure would induce frostnip by morning. He didn't want to rouse her, either. Gray sighed.

"I hope you don't wake up from this," he mumbled under his breath as he stood up. Going over to her side, he peeled away the furs as gently as he could. Now exposed to the cold, Erza curled up tighter, but didn't wake up. _So far, so good_. Gray then put his arms around her shoulders and below her knees and, slowly, very slowly, picked her up.

When she remained sleeping, Gray breathed a sigh of relief. "C'mon, now. To bed with you."

He carried her to her room, gingerly as able, and set her down on the bed. Erza rolled over onto her other side, muttering something incomprehensible. Laughing silently, Gray covered her with the blankets up to her chin. She snuggled up automatically. It was adorable.

Despite himself, Gray lingered. Voyeuristic as it was, he liked watching her sleep. He knew he'd hate himself for it soon, but he wanted her to be peaceful. She deserved it. For everything she'd ever done for him.

"Thank you," he breathed into the cold quiet of her room. "For sticking by me."

She didn't stir. Didn't respond. Gray turned to leave.

_Goodnight, Erza_, he thought as he quietly closed the door behind him.

Then he went back out onto the patio. There would be no sleep for him.

_Not today._

* * *

**A/N: Beta read by AmyNChan, who is the best goose in all the realms. Mhmm.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Why do we give up our hearts to the past?_

\- Eagles, "Pretty Maids All In A Row"

* * *

**2**

Gray stepped inside his room to slap the alarm off. He didn't want it to rouse Erza. It was three minutes to four and she wouldn't appreciate being awoken so early. It was important to recover from the journey, too.

There were three bedrooms in the cabin – two with attached bathrooms, and a smaller one without. This last one he'd converted into his gym. Not that it was impressive. All it had was a punching bag and a wooden pull-up bar he'd made himself. Its height was adjustable, so he could use the bar to do sit-ups and crunches as well. It served his purposes.

As he went in for his morning workout, towel slung over a shoulder, Gray felt a little sleepy. His routine demanded that he get up before everybody else and finish his exercises by five-thirty. That way, he didn't disturb anybody. But after a night of about three hours of sleep, it was hard.

_Quit your whining_, he chastised himself as he picked up the skipping rope. _You can't just stop because it's hard. Heh. That's what she said._

He rather liked working the skipping rope. It was fun. There was a rhythm. _Left-left, right-right_. It was an easy tool for warming up. Usually, he did it for five minutes. He swiped it side to side and even crisscrossed his hands. Once his body had freed up, he did lunges on the way down, too. He took a thirty second break before moving on to the next drill: shadow boxing.

For the next thirty seconds, he worked an imaginary opponent. He threw in elbows, knees, kicks, headbutts and sprawls. He darted in and dashed out. Created angles. Made sure to move his head laterally. Once the time was up, he immediately moved on to burpees. Thirty seconds, all he could do. _Jump, squat, push-up. Rinse and repeat_. After that, he went back to shadow boxing. Another thirty seconds.

By then, his legs had started burning. Gray didn't mind. _If your muscles burn, you're doing something good_. Excellent advice. After some more shadow boxing, he dropped to the ground for a half minute of push-ups, followed by some rest.

The whole circuit took him three minutes. He moved on to the pull-up bar after completing five sets.

Pull-ups were fun, too. He took it slow, put his back into it. Pulled himself up, held the position, then slid his body all the way to left and then to the right. _The longer you take to do one, the longer you'll be able to hold your muscles at tension. You'll be stronger_. He usually did about ten per minute, letting himself hang a while before resuming.

After five minutes of that, he swung his legs up and wrapped them around the bar. After tightening his legs as much as he could, he hung upside-down for a moment or two before crunching up. _It'll decompress and stretch your spine. You do a lot of squats, so it'll help_. Gray just liked hanging upside down. It was pretty nice.

The real fun came _after_ all that: the bag.

Five rounds of five minutes, with a minute to rest after each. The bag was his friend, so he went at it without mercy. _Be careful you use half your power. Don't hurt yourself_. He listened, most of the time. Other times, he got too worked up to care.

Gray decided to forgo using his knuckles. After yesterday, he didn't want to damage them again. Instead, he punched with the heel of his palm. Open hand strikes. Jabs, crosses, hooks, overhands, uppercuts. Kicks. Straight, round. Elbows, hammerfists. Straight knees, jumping knees. Clinching.

He inhaled through his nose and exhaled sharply, breathing with every strike. Kept his guard up, changed stances. Went high, went low. Feints. Slips. Bobbing and weaving. Creating angles. He hit the bag with everything he had, everything he knew. _You have to get the poison out of your system. Better the bag than other people_.

So much anger. Not enough time.

_Not enough. Never enough._

Holding the bag with his forearms, he pushed it away to create distance. _You control their movement. You control the pace_. Then he pulled it in, jumped off his right foot, pushed his hips out and drove his knee in.

_More_.

Releasing the bag, he let it swing away from him. His upper body was leaning back, his hips thrust out. His shoulders, pulled back, were loaded and ready to fly.

Gray let instinct take over.

He placed his right foot forward, putting his weight on the ball of his foot. His left hand shot out like a cannonball while his left foot pushed off the ground. The bag was swinging back, towards him. Into his fist. All the momentum in the world. A sure knock out.

But the clock in his head ran out of time.

Opening up his fist, Gray stopped the bag with his palm. His body shut down immediately. _One minute rest._

The pants came then. As long as he was in the swing of things, Gray seldom felt the fatigue, the fire in his muscles. Every time he sat down, though, it took a little bit more willpower to get up. But, his routine for the morning was done. The last fifteen minutes were for stretching and cooling down. Usually, he did it religiously. Sometimes, he skipped. Like yesterday. So he decided to make up for it.

_No trains to catch today._

As he lowered himself into a full split, Gray had to smile. The source of most his stress yesterday was, hopefully, still fast asleep in her room. And the day _had_ been stressful. It involved a lot of travel on her part and Gray didn't want to overburden her. Then again, she _was_ Titania. She always did what she said she would. He'd never asked for her to come down. She did it because she wanted to. There was no thank you big enough for that.

Gray pressed his chest flat against his thigh, his nose to his knee, and touched his toes. One leg, then the other. He then put the soles of his feet together, his legs flat against the ground and sat straight. It worked out the kinks in his thighs. He controlled and slowed his breathing down. Relief spreading over his body, he stretched his triceps, holding his bent elbows behind his head one after the other.

For the last few minutes, he just lay down and meditated. _Keep your back straight, relax your posture, and breathe gently_. It did wonders for his disquiet mind. Prepared him for the day.

_Remember, Gray, an angry mind is a narrow mind. If you're angry, you're not thinking. Ice magic is all about thinking. It's about structure. Lattice. It's not a chaotic explosion. You have to control it. Don't let it control you. Stay cool. And above all, think._

Oh, how he missed that woman. Ul was more than a teacher or a mentor. Gray sometimes thought she had the secret to life all figured out. _If only I had more time… if only._

Heaving a deep sigh, he rose to his feet and towelled away whatever little sweat hadn't already dried off. Then he stepped outside. A quick glance told him that it was a quarter past five. _Perfect_. Erza was nowhere to be seen, either. _Even better_. He could actually cook her something, then.

Happy that he could do that much for her, Gray didn't waste much time in the bathroom. His good spirits, however, came crashing down when he left his room to find Erza at the stove. She smiled at him over her shoulder.

"Good morning, Gray. Coffee's on the table. No milk and sugar for you, as you like it." He came and stood beside her, frowning. "How you drink it, I don't know."

"Right back at your cake-philia. When'd you wake up even?"

"Ten minutes ago."

"You're up way too early."

"It's five-thirty. I overslept by a full half hour." She was applying jam to pieces of bread while making tea for herself. _Heh. Typical_. "You should have woken me."

"You were tired."

"Oh, it's fine. I slept early. Eight and a half hours is too much." She looked around, searching for something. "What about you? Did you sleep well?"

"Ehh." Glancing at the pot, he noticed the problem and handed her the milk. It was the least he could do. "I slept."

Erza hummed, but didn't ask. Gray picked up the coffee mug, leant back against the counter and watched her work. Never in his life had he thought he'd be able to share kitchen space with her. His little mountain cabin had changed that.

_She's so domestic. It's adorable._

Like everything else she did, Erza pursued perfection in her tea as well. She didn't even look like she'd crawled out of bed ten minutes ago. Her hair was neatly brushed, and she smelt faintly of strawberries. How she managed to be so well groomed in ten minutes, he didn't know.

"Breakfast is ready," she said and carried and carried the tray of jam toasts to the table. Then she sat down, sipped her tea, closed her eyes, and hummed happily. "I've missed this."

She drank tea twice a day – once in the morning, and again in the evening. Like clockwork. It was a sickness. Gray opened an overhead cupboard and brought out the tin of biscuits. He picked out four and handed them to her. "Here."

"Why, thank you. Won't you sit?"

"Mhmm." He picked up a slice of bread and bit down. "Thanks. Though I wanted to cook you something."

"You cook every day, Gray. You won't as long as I am here."

Gray swallowed. That was oddly touching. Her smile only made it worse. "So, uhh, whaddaya wanna do today?"

"Nothing." She dipped the biscuits in her tea and ate them fast. Didn't want them to break off and fall in. "I just want to talk."

"What about?"

"You. You're obviously doing well. The people like you. You exercise, go out, eat properly." She picked up a piece of toast. "I was afraid you'd turn into a recluse."

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

She chuckled. "I'm glad you proved me wrong." But then she set the toast down and leant forward. "But are you okay, Gray? I know yesterday was tough for you."

_Ahh. Right._

"It wasn't any harder than usual, I guess," he replied after some thought. "I mean, it's never easy. You know? But it _gets_ easier. You being here helps." He offered a smile. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." She reached out and patted his hand before returning to her tea. "It's good to see you doing so well for yourself."

"What about you? How're things back there?"

Erza made a so-so motion with her hand. "As usual." Then she hummed. "Better, I should say."

"Oh?"

"Laxus made several changes in the past couple of years. Mostly in ROE. I think it's made us… less destructive. We don't have to pay for damages as much."

ROE stood for Rules of Engagement. What with all the property damage the mages of Fairy Tail had incurred, a revision in policy was a good idea. Of all people, Laxus was the best suited to keep the others in line.

"Heh." Gray raised his mug to his lips. "That's always good news. No resistance?"

With a roll of her eyes, Erza asked, "What do you think?"

Gray snorted. "Say no more."

"Mhmm. You'd approve, I think."

He didn't reply, instead taking refuge in his bread and coffee. Erza didn't push it, either. Her objective had been to lodge the thought in his head. And she knew she'd succeeded.

After making short work of breakfast, she carried the tray over to the sink. "I see you washed last night's dishes."

"Oh. Yeah. I do that before going to bed."

"Very responsible of you, Gray. I approve."

Sitting at the table, Gray watched her bustle about the kitchen. _His_ kitchen. Erza tended to take over wherever she went. But now, seeing her hijack his house, it almost felt like they were a married cou-

_No. Bad. Stop this. Right now._

"What about, uh, what about you?" he asked. "What's new with you? Got anything exciting in the works?"

Small talk had never been his area of expertise, but he still wanted to know. Erza had a penchant for getting into some crazy shit. Another major sickness.

"Hmm. I suppose I do, yes." A pause. "And I need your advice for it, Gray."

Her? Needing _his_ advice? That was curious.

"Sure, if I can help," he offered uncertainly. "What is it?"

Having washed and dried off the utensils, Erza put them in their place and came back. She placed her elbows on the table, interwove her fingers, looked straight at him, and said, "I am going to the South Pole."

Gray stared at her. "A quest?"

She nodded. "An exploratory expedition. The objective is to set up the first permanent, all-weather research station."

After considering this for a few seconds, Gray whistled. "That's… wow. That's big."

"It is. Fairy Tail, being the top guild of Fiore, was the natural choice for this undertaking."

"I believe it. But nobody's nuts enough to send you there alone." Gray put his left arm over the backrest of the chair. "You need someone with medical experience. So, Wendy's going. It's the Pole, so Natsu's going, too. Are you taking Lucy with you?"

"I am, yes."

"Heh. The old team back together again, huh?"

She smiled wistfully. "Yes."

"Anyway," he hurried on, "what d'you need from me?"

"Well, seeing as how you are an ice mage, I was hoping you could give me some advice."

"Yeah, sure, but when is this? Details, please."

"We were given this quest two years ago. We spent the past couple of years preparing. They wouldn't let us go without us having _some_ polar experience."

Gray nodded. "You went north."

"That we did. I know that the North Pole is very different to the South Pole, but it was good practice."

Earthland's North Pole was a frozen landmass completely devoid of life. It wasn't too big, maybe a little more than twice the size of Fiore. The South Pole was a very different beast altogether.

"Okay." Gray hummed. "Okay. That's good. So, when d'you go? You've been preparing a while."

"Next month."

"_Shit_, Erza." His gut clenched. "You couldn't have told me sooner?"

"They're going to announce it next week to the public. I was contractually obligated to not disclose anything to anyone outside the guild. We all were. We didn't want other nations to get wind of this." She shrugged. "But they are going to announce this publicly within the week, so now I can tell people. And you're the first person I decided to tell."

"Ahh." Gray rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "But still… it's not a _race_…"

"Gray, the South Pole is the _only_ place left on Earthland that doesn't have a complete map. It's the last unknown frontier!" Her eyes gleamed with unbridled passion. "Imagine! Exploring that is an honour and a privilege! How many people get the chance to do something this important? And if I can be among the first to do something like that? It's the chance of a lifetime."

She was certainly excited. That much was evident. Gray sighed. Erza being excited about flattening challenges was nothing new. Still…

"You've had two years to prepare. What advice can I give you?"

"Equipment," she answered immediately. "In all our trips north, we had a few issues. Chiefly, whenever we woke up, the inside of our sleeping bag had moisture. It was not nice. Same issue with our anoraks. We work up a sweat all day and that hinders everything."

"The simple solution is to carry a fuckton of sleeping bags and parkas, but I'm assuming you want an answer more sophisticated than that."

"Please."

"All right. Make sure your sleeping bags have both an outer and inner vapour barrier. You probably only had an outer vapour barrier to keep the cold out. Body sweat wets the inside of the bag. Then you risk frostnip. It's not nice."

Erza pulled out a notepad and a pen and scribbled it down. "And the anoraks? Is it the same with them?"

"Not exactly. You got weatherproof ones, right?" Erza nodded. "That's why. Proofed parkas will protect you, but make you sweaty, wet and cold. Unproofed ones allow sweat to escape and let your skin breathe."

"So we should get unproofed ones instead?"

"Get one of each. There's a kinda parka made of loosely woven cotton that protects you from the wind when dry. Lets your body breathe and avoids sweat condensation. You can wear that when you're out doing axe work." He paused a bit. "You know the native tribes that live a little north of here?"

"Yes?"

"I know 'em. There's this seamstress called Emilie. She can make you sealskin parkas. Weatherproof and fur lined. I got one made for Luca. It'll come in handy when you're out working. It'll take her about a month, but I can assure you on quality. She'll charge a steep price, though. They need it to survive."

Erza nodded. "Understandable. Money is not a problem."

"Must be a great sponsor. Who is it?"

"Hisui E. Fiore."

Gray raised his eyebrows. "The goddamn Queen of Fiore is your sponsor?"

"She wants development for the country. I cannot fault her for it."

"Yeah, neither do I, but still. _Wow_. That's a lotta money."

"Mhmm." She sounded rather pleased with herself. "Hence me assuring you that funds are not a problem."

"Yeah, well," he hesitated, "if you want, I can take you up there tomorrow. You can talk it out. You know all their sizes?"

"I do."

"Good." Gray drummed the tabletop with his fingers. "You thought about routes? What's the plan?"

"I am glad you asked. I could use your advice in that regard as well." Erza got up from the chair across from him and took the one to his right, pulling it up close to him. Gray edged away a little. "We've spoken about routes, yes. Airships don't go around the poles due to strong winds. And unless it's a lacrima powered vessel, it'll be useless for transport. We tried using a sailing ship. The sails and ropes all froze solid."

"Not surprised."

Erza conjured up a map of the South Pole and the oceans surrounding it and spread it over the table. "We're setting sail from Hargeon Town." She pointed. "From there, it's straight shot down. The ship is named the Miraculous, and she's a reputed ice-breaker. She was used for polar exploration twice before. She's used to the waters."

"Okay. Where d'you make land?"

"Here." She pointed and Gray leaned in. "There's an inlet from the Igmundsson Sea. We'll disembark and carry on from foot there."

"You're going during winter. Gonna sit it out?"

"Yes. Levy came up with an ingenious design." She smiled up at him. Gray felt his breath catch. "It's a cardboard box."

"A… a what, now?"

"A cardboard box," Erza repeated indulgently. "One for each of us. It's shaped like a hut. We'll place it in the snow, and the snowdrift will cover its outer shells-"

"-insulating you from the cold." Gray chuckled. "That really is pretty smart."

"Mhmm." Erza's smile widened. "I told you."

He glanced down to smile back at her, to tell her she was right. Instead, his eyes fell upon hers and he stopped. They were so warm… and arresting… aglitter with excitement and happiness. Gray realised only a few seconds later that he hadn't said a word.

When he opened his mouth to speak, he noticed her eyes flit down to his lips. That close, he was pretty sure she could feel the heat radiating off his cheeks. Gray closed his mouth.

_OhnoohnoohnoohnopleasehelpwhatdoIdoadistractionpleasesomethinganythingIcan't_-

Her lips parted. He saw her mouth form shapes. His name. "Gray?"

With a gulp, Gray replied, "Uhh."

"What is it?"

She sounded a bit worried. A little breathless. Her voice was soft, gentle. It was… a fantastic sound.

But fortunately, he didn't have to answer. Like a delayed answer to his prayers, the front door was kicked open and in stepped a hooded figure, covered in snow.

"Hot _damn_, it's cold out! Why do we live on a mountain? I froze my stubble off! D'you _know_ how long I waited for that damn stubble? _Years_!" Pulling back the hood, the boy grabbed a brush from atop the shoe cabinet and swiped away the snow from his parka. "My face feels like a goddamn snowcone! But hey, guess what, Gray? I saw two reindeer bangi-oh." He looked up, noticing Gray and Erza, and his cheeks coloured a bit. "Uhh. Heya, Auntie Erza. How, uh, how _you_ doin'? You two, uh, busy?"

Thanking whatever gods heard his plea, Gray chuckled and leaned away from Erza. "You'll need brushes too. Wipe off the snow before you enter the tent. As many brushes as there are people. No sharing." Then he turned to the boy. "Luca, we've been expecting you."

Luca, a sunny-haired lad of sixteen, frowned slightly at that. "Yes. Literally everyone down at the village felt personally responsible for letting me know." He pulled off his parka and came into the kitchen. "What's up?" Then he spotted the map. "Are we planning a holiday?"

"No," Gray replied. "But _she_ is."

With a laugh, Erza waved the boy over. "That can wait. Let me have a look at you first. Have you gotten taller?"

"Just a little bit. I hung from trees!"

"Mmm. Impressive. How's your training going?"

"Ehh." Luca made a so-so motion with his hand before taking a seat. "A bit of this, a bit of that. More importantly, did you get me anything?"

As Erza pulled out tin after tin of chocolates for a squealing Luca, Gray silently got up and went into his room. He pulled out his phone from the top drawer in his nightstand and turned it on. As it booted up, he took out a packet of cigarettes and a matchbox and sat down on the edge of the bed. He picked out a single cigarette and tossed the pack back into the drawer. Then he picked up his phone and dialled a number.

Holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder, Gray pinched the cigarette between his lips and lit a match. After lighting his cigarette, he shook out the flame and tossed the match into the dustbin. He got up, dropped the matchbox into the drawer, closed it with his foot, went up to the window and opened it before exhaling.

All the while, the phone kept ringing. Once it disconnected, Gray dialled again. He watched the smoke from his mouth vanish into the darkness outside. He was sure Erza would smell it on him afterwards, but this counted as an emergency.

On the third try, there was a click and a sleepy voice slurred something incomprehensible into his ear. Gray took a deep breath.

"Hello," he said.

"It's four in the morning, you bitch," Cana returned, sounding a little more awake. "Whaddaya want?"

Gray wasted no time. "Erza's going to the South Pole."

Silence. Then a sigh. "She told you, huh."

"Yeah."

"You smoking?"

His cigarette was half gone. "Yeah."

"How many?"

"Just the one. She told me ten minutes ago."

"Right." She moaned, and he heard her bed creak. "Okay. What's up?"

"Did you know?"

"Yeah. I was under-"

"I know. I'm not mad about that, don't worry." He took another puff. "Are they ready? If I ask her, I know what she'll say. So I'm asking you."

Cana sighed again. "Gray…"

"Cana, if they're not, I'm going with them," he said resolutely. "Past be damned. So I need to know."

Another sigh. "Okay," she cleared her throat. "Okay. I think they're ready. I've seen them train for this for two years. Lyon helped out too."

Gray nodded to himself. "Good."

"Lyon said that two years of experience isn't exactly the best, resume wise, but he greenlit it. He's satisfied with their ability."

Pulling out the drawer again, Gray crushed down the cigarette butt into the ashtray.

"Okay," he breathed. "Okay. Thanks, Cana."

"You okay?"

"Still digesting it. I will be."

"All right. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I know. Don't be." _You have your loyalties_. "I understand. I'm sorry for waking you up. Try to go back to sleep."

"Will do. Talk soon?"

"Yeah. Bye."

"Bye."

After disconnecting, Gray turned off the phone, put it into the drawer and shut it for good. He washed his face, rinsed his mouth, and pulled on his white coat. It was well past six now. The village would be abuzz. Didn't make sense to waste time.

Gray, after popping a mint, stepped outside his room and saw Luca devouring the chocolates like there would be no tomorrow and explaining something to Erza with frantic gesticulations, who sat listening with a smile on her face.

"You, go easy on the chocolates," Gray told his student, getting a raspberry in return. "I'm serious. You're gonna hafta make 'em last until she can bring you more." He paused. "Which won't be for at least a year and a half."

Watching Luca choke on his chocolate was most satisfying.

"_Whaaaat_?!" the boy wailed, turning to Erza. "Say it ain't so!"

Erza smiled gently. "I'm afraid your master is telling the truth, Luca."

"But who's gonna feed my sweet tooth?! _Him_?!" He pointed at Gray. "He'll die if he sucks on a lollipop! Sometimes I think he's not human. Boy, am _I_ glad you never married him. On second thoughts, you _should_ marry him. At least then maybe I'll get a steady supply of sweet stuff."

"Oh, Luca, I'm afraid Gray's taste buds are forever malformed," Erza said, laughing. "He has always been this way." She glanced at him and smiled. "And always will be."

"Exactly! I have to live with that!"

"My most sincere condolences."

"What a lark," Gray said drily, frowning at them both. "We're going down to the village. Luca can have breakfast there."

Gray was already dressed, and all Luca needed to do was slip on his parka. Erza merely requipped into appropriate clothing and they were off before long. Luca peppered Erza with questions on the way down, and she answered each one.

"But why go next month? It's the dead of winter!"

"Down there, it's winter for eight months out of twelve. We can only work during the four months of summer. If we set sail in summer, we'll lose valuable time. Thus, we go there in winter, settle down, get used to the cold, and work in the summer months, hopefully finish our work, and come back."

"Still, that sounds awful. Gray?" Luca called ahead. "How cold will it be in the South Pole in winter?"

"Minus fifty degrees," Gray replied over his shoulder. "Wind speeds exceeding ninety knots. Chill factor would be around minus eighty-four degrees."

"We have 240 days of that to look forward to," came Erza's voice. She was smiling. He could tell. "That too without sunlight."

"Yeesh. That sucks."

Gray silently agreed as he walked in front of them. It _did_ suck. Dry flesh froze in sixty seconds at minus twenty-nine degree temperatures and nineteen knot winds. Erza's crew would be facing way, way, _way_ worse. He didn't like it.

_But I can't stop her._

That was how it had always been. Erza did what Erza wanted. That's why she had his respect.

"Heidi!" Luca cried as soon as he entered the inn, startling absolutely nobody but the girl herself, and ran up to envelop her in a tight hug. "Auntie Erza's going away for _years_ and taking my sweets with her!" He kissed her cheek. "But I've got you, so I'll be okay."

"Luca!" Heidi screeched, her face about as red as it could get, but the boy only kissed her again.

"So sweet."

_Poor girl_, Gray thought and walked up to Helgi, the innkeeper. "Morning. You feeling okay?"

"I am," she replied. The morning rush had all but died, so she could take it easy for a bit before lunchtime approached. "It's ready for today."

"Good. Keep it under wraps till evening."

She nodded and jerked her chin at Erza, who hovered at his elbow. "It's for her?"

"Yeah, and I want to talk about her. Erza wanted to cook for the whole village today."

Helgi raised a pleased eyebrow. "Does she?"

"Yeah, so I was wondering whether she could borrow the inn's kitchen this evening?"

"Of course she can! As long as we help."

Erza had no objection to that, so the matter was settled. Gray then took a seat at a table where Heidi was taking Luca's order.

"Can you feed me?" Luca asked. Heidi coloured immediately. "It's been a while. I've missed you."

"I missed you too," she replied quietly, a smile tugging at her mouth, but shook her head. "But it's against policy to feed customers."

"Even if the customer is your boyfriend?"

"Ummm. Yes."

"Luca, stop hitting on her in front of her mother," Gray groaned. "Have _some_ class."

"Hey, I'm _your_ student. How much class can I have?"

Erza laughed politely while Heidi slapped Luca's shoulder, asking him to be more respectful. Gray shook his head and sighed.

_Kids, I swear._

"Were you on a quest, Luca?" Erza asked while Heidi served him the food. "I seldom see you away from home."

"Yeah," the boy replied. "Gray lets me go places now."

"Wonderful. And what was your quest about?"

"Well, I'll _tell_ you! Heidi, I haven't told you either, right? Sit down, I'll tell you too. Okay, so this old dude in a village a few miles away was having some deer trouble, right?"

Gray, knowing exactly what was coming, tuned out the rest. Luca had a gift for telling stories. He could become a great bard, if he felt inclined to pursue the career. He could make even a quest about chasing reindeer off a man's property sound epic. It was a rare talent.

His mind wandered back to the polar expedition. Lyon knew his shit when it came to the cold. If he had given the expedition his blessing, then there was no reason to mistrust it. But the nagging sensation persisted in his gut. Whether it was fear or worry Gray didn't know, but it didn't ease his mind.

"You smoked."

Her voice was low, and she kept her eyes on Luca, but the words still brought Gray out of his thoughts. He hummed in response, but didn't turn towards her.

"I didn't realise you still smoked."

"Only when I'm anxious."

It was a shameless admission. Why bother denying it? He knew she'd smell it on him soon enough. He'd been prepared. What caught Gray unawares was when Erza grasped his hand under the table and squeezed tenderly. It was so gentle, so intimate, that his breath left him in a quiet gasp.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and let go of his hand. "But don't be worried. It'll be fine."

"I'm sure."

Luca's attention was focused solely on Heidi by then, who'd sat down beside him and listened to his story with a smile. Gray glanced at Erza, only to find her nodding along to Luca's blabbering. He quietly pocketed his hands.

"So, yeah, that's how I shooed away the reindeer," Luca finished both his story and his breakfast simultaneously before rounding upon Gray. "So, what's the plan for today?"

Gray shrugged. "I dunno. Whaddaya wanna do? Rest?"

"Hell no! I was bored outta my mind chasing reindeer for a week!" Luca grinned at Erza. "I wanna train with you! If you're gonna go away for a few years, I might as well get some work in."

Feeling his gut clench at the words, Gray sank down a bit lower in his seat. _Why does he hafta keep saying that? _It was annoying, how annoying it was to him.

Erza laughed at the boy's declaration. "Are you certain?"

"Yeah, why not? I don't get to use weapons a heck of a whole lot." Luca shrugged. "It's why I look forward to you dropping by every time."

"Aww." Erza's eyes softened, her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly. Gray rolled his eyes. She was affected way too easily. "That is very sweet, Luca." She rose to her feet. "I shall do my best to make up for the time we'll spend apart."

"Damn straight!" Luca rose too, eyes alight with determination. "This'll be great!"

And great it was. Gray didn't know whether it was what Luca had imagined, but watching Erza demolish the boy at sparring was spectacular to behold. For six or so hours, she continually beat the little twerp into the snow. To Luca's credit, he always kept coming back for more. He even got past a few of Erza's attacks to launch some of his own, but nobody could touch Titania in swordplay.

"Don't cross your feet, Luca. It's why you trip so much."

"Right, right."

"And step in more aggressively for your lunges. You have to commit to everything, especially the feints. If _you_ don't believe you can do it, your opponent definitely won't."

"I'm trying!"

Cheek in hand, Gray sat on the front porch of his cabin, watching the two go at it with a smile. It was true, what Luca had said. Erza showed up for a few days at least two or three times a year. It was a short holiday for her, but it meant a break in monotony for Luca. He looked forward to his Auntie Erza's visits. Gray wondered how the boy would cope with her absence.

After two more rounds of watching Luca get his ass beat, Gray clapped his hands and stopped the massacre.

"You two might wanna stop for lunch," he said decisively. "Put the swords away. It's afternoon."

"How can you tell the time in this perpetual gloom?" Erza muttered as Luca handed her his practice sword. "That too outdoors?"

"Yeah? How can you spar for hours on end and not keep track of time in your head?" Gray threw back, unimpressed. "Get some rest." Luca opened his mouth. "Both of you. Heidi's going to bring your food up. I knew this would happen, so I asked her to." He shook his head. "Children, I swear. I'm dealing with children."

That his girlfriend would be stopping by made Luca cease all complaints and he went inside happily. Erza followed him in, but held the door open for Gray.

"I'm glad I sparred for so long. I hadn't in a while," she confessed and closed the door behind him. "We have all been too preoccupied about-"

"Yeah. I know." Gray tossed her a bottle of water from the kitchen counter. "I know. Otherwise, I woulda stopped you sooner."

Erza hummed and took a long gulp from the bottle. She requipped back into her morning clothes and came up to the counter.

"Don't worry," she told him lightly.

"You know I will," he replied.

"I know you will. And it means a lot to me. But some things…" she hesitated and looked away, rubbing her arm. "Some things you just have to do."

"_Have_ to?"

"Yes," she replied with a nod but said nothing else.

Gray sighed. "Okay."

Erza waited a beat before turning the other way and jerking her chin in the direction Luca had gone. "Where is he?"

"Attic. He calls that his 'lair.'" Gray shrugged. "I dunno. I don't go up there."

"He sleeps there?"

"Insisted. I made him a bed."

Her eyes found his at that and her lips curved into a smile. "You made him a bed."

"Yeah."

"That's very… nice of you."

"Ehh. His shit. He cleans it."

"Mmm. You raised him well."

"Not really." Gray shrugged again. "His mother did most of that."

Erza said nothing to that. Neither did Gray. He stood looking at her from across the counter, stopping his tongue from uttering the words it so desperately wanted to say.

_What's the point? Let it go. It's not worth it._

"Hey, Auntie Erza," came Luca's voice as he descended from the attic. "Can you teach me how to, like, change clothes without taking them off? It's so cool how you do that! It'd save me _so_ much time."

Snorting, Gray walked past Erza towards the door. He didn't want to deprive Luca of the Erza Effect. They really liked each other.

_Sometimes, a little more than they like me_, he thought somewhat sourly and opened the door, startling Heidi who had just lifted her hand to knock.

"Eeek! Oh. Umm."

"Come on in." Gray stood aside. "You'll find your customers at the dinner table."

Ducking her head, Heidi carried the basket of bread, toasted cheese and milk inside. Peter, being the resident goatherd, was usually rewarded in kind with milk products all year. Made running the inn much simpler, Gray was sure.

All through lunch, he stayed as silent as he could. Gray didn't have the heart to talk. His mind was focused on one thing and one thing only. He wanted to talk about the expedition, about every plan and backup, about every bit of training Erza and her team had done. But he wouldn't. Worried as he was, he trusted her, just as he trusted Cana and Lyon. He didn't want to disrespect them, but the situation made his spirits sag lower and lower as the day wore on.

Finally, early in the evening, they went down to Huldsborg and Erza was given command of the inn's kitchen. Gray sat back and watched her summon mountains of supplies from her pocket dimension and go to town on the cooking. It had been a long time since he'd seen olive oil used so liberally. It made him smile.

The villagers all gathered to watch, too. It wasn't every day that a celebrity cooked for them. The scent itself was enough to fill the inn completely. Everyone chattered with everyone else. It was loud and boisterous, but also calming and familial. Gray couldn't help the sigh that escaped him.

_This feels like home._

"You gonna tell her?"

"Hmm?" He turned to see Luca taking a seat beside him. "Tell her what?"

"Y'know." Luca shrugged. "Talk about your feelings. Propose and stuff."

"What? No."

"No offense, my dude, but what the fuck? She's gonna be leaving for who knows how long and you're _still_ pussyfooting around?"

Gray shook his head in disbelief. "What's the matter with you?"

"I want her to be your wife, okay?"

"Yeah, no. Don't even _think_ about it."

"Look, I'm just saying. Don't keep her waiting, y'know? She won't stick around forever." He paused. "If she knows how you feel, it'll give her strength to survive the pole and come back stronger, y'know?"

"Fuckin' hell." Gray stared at the boy. "You're sixteen. Worry about growing your stubble."

"Did _you_ have a girlfriend at sixteen? Didn't think so." Luca smirked. "Some things I know better than you. And speaking of which, here comes the food. Fuck me, I've missed authentic Fiorian cuisine!"

Now _that_, Gray agreed with. Dinner had become a buffet, with Erza serving everyone whatever they wanted. She smiled at one and all, and laughed with the compliments. She seemed happy. Satisfied. Gray sat watching her from his table, content with just that. She would make a good team leader. She looked after everybody. As seriously as she took missions, she also knew that it wasn't as important as the people she was with. With her, the ends never justified the means. The thought lightened the load in his heart just a little bit.

He didn't know whether he'd been staring too long, or whether she was looking for him, but Erza's eyes soon found his. The woman had a habit of doing that. She was always purposeful with everything she did. Firm handshakes and direct eye contact. The latter always unnerved him. The eyes were windows into the soul, or so they said. Being the only visible part of the brain, Gray didn't doubt it. Erza didn't mind people taking a look into her mind. She seldom had anything to hide.

_I wish I could say the same._

Her smile softened when she caught his gaze, and she waved him over, asking him to come eat. Gray smiled back involuntarily. _Ah, yes. This feels familiar._ He pushed himself to his feet and strode up to the counter.

"People like the food," he commented.

Erza grinned. "I'm glad. What'll you be having?"

"Dunno. When're you gonna eat?"

"Not until all the guests are done."

"That'll be a while."

"I don't mind. It's the duty of the hostess, after all."

Gray hummed and leant his elbows on the countertop. "I'll eat with you."

"Gray, no-"

"I want to," he cut her off firmly. "I'll wait."

Erza gave him a long look, but Gray didn't flinch. He'd long since mastered the art of staring down Erza. The trick was not to blink, and he did that by focusing on an object behind her head. It gave off the impression that he was staring right through her. She merely thought he wasn't backing down. Little did she know that had he been looking at her, he would've caved within seconds.

Eventually, she sighed. "Suit yourself."

_Gotcha_.

So Gray waited. Some people returned for seconds and thirds, Luca included. The crowd started thinning out after that. Everyone still had to wake up early the next day. This was merely a surprise reprieve. Putting their lives on hold for an evening. It awaited them in the morning.

Finally, Erza took a plate for herself when only she, Helgi, Heidi, Peter, Luca and Gray remained at the inn. She chatted about recipes as she ate – Luca translated – while Gray stayed silent. He liked her cooking. She was good at it, and he was certain the polar crew would not go hungry. That was another worry struck off his list.

When he finished, he glanced at Helgi and said, "Okay, it's time."

Grinning widely, the woman went off to the kitchen. Even Heidi couldn't stop her smile. Luca looked around, confused, and found only Erza to share it with.

"What's going on?" the boy asked.

"I have no idea," Erza replied. Then she rounded upon Gray. "What did you do?"

"Why is that always your first question? I feel insulted."

"Clearly you did something."

"Nah. _I_ did nothing." He pointed at Helgi. "_She_ did."

Erza turned just as the older woman pushed out a trolley. On it was a plate, and when Erza saw what was upon it, she dropped her fork.

"You ranked Kvaefjordkake second because it didn't have strawberries," Gray said lightly. "So I had one made _with_ strawberries. I guess you going to the pole is a good enough reason."

Erza turned towards him, mouth hanging open. There were no words with which to describe the unadulterated joy etched onto her face. Enraptured. That came close. She was in rapture of the cake, a little piece of heaven on a plate, coming her way.

He didn't want to interfere. It was her night. Her cake. Some things… he didn't want to be a part of. It felt too much like a farewell party all of a sudden.

"Don't get a sugar high and stay up all night," he told her as he got up. "We're going to see Emilie tomorrow morning. Bright and early, both of you."

Then he took his coat and, before anyone could say a word, slipped out into the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

_It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you._

\- Eagles, "Desperado"

* * *

**3**

With an ear-to-ear grin, Erza said, "I can't get the taste out of my mouth."

Gray shook his head. "Hopeless."

"So creamy and dreamy…"

"Hope. _Less_."

Luca groaned from up ahead. "The way you flirt with her is so disgusting."

Gray shook his head and thanked his lucky stars that Erza was too starstruck to care. Ever since she'd tasted the strawberry cake, she'd been walking on clouds. Not even breakfast had cleansed her mouth of the aftertaste. Only now, on their way to the aboriginal reservation, was the high slowly coming off.

"So soft," Erza muttered happily to herself, hand on cheek. "Like woven air…"

"Get your head outta the clouds. We're almost there."

Ateh was a coastal town. The winter was always busy because it was hunting season. Whaling expeditions lasted weeks on end. Luca had been badgering him for months to be allowed to go on one. Gray paid him no mind. Soon, perhaps, but not yet.

People on the street greeted him warmly, but he didn't stop to exchange pleasantries for too long. Time was essential to these people. With the hunters away, everyone else needed to work a little harder to keep everything going.

Emilie was home. She was almost eighty, so she didn't leave much. She tended to her house, played with her grandchildren, and worked. Her oldest grandson had decided to become her apprentice, continuing the family business. Though busy, she always entertained guests – Gray especially – to the best of her ability and after being told of the polar expedition, she was more than willing to make the order a priority. It would be a little heavier on the wallet, but Gray was sure the royal treasury could handle it.

"My mirror broke last month," Emilie told Gray in Isvali while making tea for them. "Imagine it! A seamstress without a mirror! Oh, it was bad. My grandson ordered one, but it took three weeks to get here." She sighed and shook her head. "It was supposed to take five days."

"Weather problems?" he asked, leaning his shoulder against the doorjamb. When she nodded, Gray frowned. "You could've asked me. I make trips to town pretty often, you know. Luca would've done it, too."

The old woman chuckled. "I know, Gray. I appreciate it. But there are people who are paid to deliver these things. It's their duty to honour their commitment." She poured tea into the kettle and placed it, along with two sets of cups and saucers, on a tray. "How does she like her tea? Should I let her do it herself?"

Gray smiled. Even at her advanced age, Emilie was still the most professional person he'd ever come across.

"Here, let me," he said and took the tray from her. "Yeah, Erza'll do it herself. She drinks too much of this stuff to not do it herself, honestly."

"Oh!" Emilie smiled. "I like her."

"Of course you do."

It was hard work, interpreting in real time. Erza didn't speak Isvali, while Emilie didn't speak Fiorian. The two women got along, too, so Gray had to translate back and forth all day. He didn't mind, but it was embarrassing. Especially when Emilie was measuring Erza's sizes.

"Ask her if she has a tight-fitting spandex suit in her requip inventory," Emilie said. "If not, I'll bring her one."

Gray squinted at her. "Why?"

"It'll make for more accurate measurements."

_Oh no_. "Is that… necessary?"

"Yes. Now ask her."

With a trepidatious heart, Gray conveyed Emilie's instructions to Erza, who nodded.

"I kept the suit from my encounter with the Jiggle Butt Gang."

Gray had been uninvolved with that particular incident, but he knew _very_ well the potency of that suit. He rubbed his face, hoping that it would steel his heart for the coming ordeal, and turned to Luca for some moral support.

The boy smiled impishly and said, "R. I. P."

_I hate this kid._

After they finished their tea, Emilie led Erza – and Gray – to a room with a large mirror on one wall. She took a tape measure off a hook and motioned for Erza to stand facing the mirror.

"Tell her to requip into the spandex," said the seamstress. "It's time to get started."

Erza changed immediately, and the sight made Gray groan. _Oh, I am _so_ gonna die_.

Little did he know that it was only the beginning.

"Your bust level and circumference measurement will change with and without a bra on, so if you plan on wearing a bra with your finished garment, you have to decide now," Emilie said while she pulled the tape around the fullest point of Erza's bust.

Gray covered his face with his hands and groaned.

"Gray?" Erza turned back over her shoulder, brows raised. "Could you translate that for me?"

_Why? Why is my life like this?_

After suffering through watching Erza get her waist, hips, front and back, shoulders and arms measured in a tight-fitting spandex suit, Gray sighed in relief when they moved over to discuss the sizes of the rest of the crew. While he came away with Lucy, Wendy and Natsu's sizes memorised, at least there wasn't visual aid where they were concerned.

As he sat heavily in one of the armchairs in Emilie's living room, tired and defeated, Luca leaned in and asked, "Good show?"

"Go away. Leave me alone."

"Hey, you volunteered. Suffer the consequences."

_Smug little bastard_. Sometimes, Gray wanted to dunk him in the ocean. Wash away his sins. Now, it felt like dunking him wouldn't be enough.

"I'm gonna drown you, ya little shit."

Luca laughed it off. Gray dropped his face into his palm.

Things like this weren't good for his heart. The past couple of days had been rather volatile, the rises and falls extreme. It always happened whenever she was around. Always. But there wasn't anything he wanted to do about it.

"You really should tell her, Gray," Luca said seriously and Gray turned towards him. "Real talk. I hate seeing you like this. What're you so afraid of? You've been friends forever. You think if you tell her how you feel, she's never going to talk to you again?"

Gray shook his head. "It's not that."

"Then what? _What's_ stopping you? You won't see her for God knows how long. You really wanna send her off without telling her?"

"Look, it's complicated, okay?" Gray sighed. "Never mind. This isn't the time."

Luca threw up his hands and leant back into his chair. "It's _never_ the time."

Gray didn't bother to reply. The kid had his heart in the right place, but things were always simpler when one was young. Complications and problems accrued over age. He had enough of those to build a castle with.

"We're all done," Emilie announced upon walking into the living room. "It will be a bit challenging, making parkas for the rest without physically meeting them, but I'm confident I can do it." She smiled at Gray. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Don't be," Luca butted in, grinning. "He loved every second of it."

Gray turned towards the boy and flipped his palm. "Why are you like this?"

"Well, why _aren't_ you like this?"

Erza returned to her seat, thankfully dressed in her usual clothes, and tilted her head. "What were you talking about?"

With a sigh, Gray waved it off. "Never mind. We're done, so might as well get going."

"You will have lunch before you go, won't you?" Emilie asked as soon as Gray finished. "You're giving me a good contract, and it's rare I see you."

"Sure we will!" Luca punched the air. "Man, I've missed eating here!" He looked at Gray. "We're eating, right?"

Gray turned to Erza. "You wanna stay for lunch?"

"Hmm. I would not want to impose. I'm sure she has much to do."

"You needn't worry about that," Emilie told Gray after he translated. "I like having guests over. It would be my honour to host a prominent explorer." She nodded. "We respect that in our culture. It's a brave thing you're doing, and I want to wish you all the best. What better way to do so than with food?"

Erza smiled at that and bowed her head. "Then I gratefully accept your offer of hospitality."

"Their food can be weird," Gray told Erza with a shrug. "Just sayin'."

"Oh, Gray, you know me well enough to know that if it moves or is green, I shall eat it."

"Yes. You're hopeless. I know."

"Just efficient. You seldom get the chance to pick and choose what to eat."

"Yeah, yeah."

For lunch, Emilie rolled out a thick carpet on her front porch and asked them to sit. It was absolutely dark outside, so she brought out a couple of lanterns as well.

"Have you ever been somewhere that doesn't have six months of night?" Erza asked Emilie as they brought out plates and cutlery. "Have you had this all your life?"

The old woman chuckled. "Indeed. It might seem strange to you, who have the sun all year round. I'm sure it is. I've had others tell me the same. They say it's too gloomy."

"It can be," Erza replied after some thought. "I feel down sometimes, surrounded by the darkness." She sat silently while Emilie served them the food. "It's cold and dark. It can be… constricting."

Gray shot her a sideways glance but didn't say anything.

"I understand what you mean." Emilie nodded and sat down with them. "That sentiment isn't alien among our people, either."

"No?"

"Mmm." She jerked her chin at the food, silently asking them to start eating. "Many would tell you that the dark brings depression with it. We call the polar night _pelerorneg_. It means 'the burden'." She chuckled. "But I don't find it depressing. It's a magical time, the polar night. The light of the moon and stars is not only reflected, but magnified by the snow and ice. I think it's beautiful."

Humming, Erza looked down at her plate. Gray saw her eyes narrow. _There it is_. Then she looked at him.

"Gray."

"Hmm."

"There's a bird on my plate."

"Yeah."

"With… feathers."

"Mhmm."

"A dead bird. With feathers. On my plate."

"Correct."

"What… do I do?"

"You eat it."

Erza looked down at the bird, then at him, then at the bird, and up at him again.

"How?"

"Gray, help her," Emilie said, smiling, and Gray sighed. He picked up the cooked corpse of the bird.

"This is a dovekie," he explained and Erza leaned in closer. "It's common here. A delicacy. They eat thousands of these things. They cook them unplucked in boiling water with seal blubber. What you do is, you peel it." He broke off the wings and pinched the skin on the back of the bird's neck. "Like a sock."

With a single motion, he peeled off the skin gently, eliciting an impressed hum from Erza.

"Eat everything except the beak and bones," he told her as he handed it back. "Told ya their food was weird."

"They're so cute," Luca told Emilie in Isvali and the woman chuckled. Gray ignored them.

Erza held the bird tenderly in her hands before taking a careful bite out of it. She hummed, chewing slowly with her eyes closed. Upon swallowing, she sighed and announced, "Delicious."

Emilie grinned. "Eat all you want."

"I shall!"

After a hearty lunch – in which Erza had nineteen dovekies – Gray suggested that they leave before the last bus left. Buses often got cancelled on account of bad weather. Emilie reassured him that there were still three more buses.

"Go for a walk by the shore," she said with a smile. "The next bus doesn't leave for half an hour."

It wasn't a bad idea, so Gray did just that. Though not snowing, it _was_ windy. Especially near the quays, exposed to the pounding sea, it was pretty ferocious. It threatened to pick Gray up and carry him forward several feet. Only the toetips of his boots maintained contact with the ground.

"Hey, Auntie Erza," Luca called out with a mischievous smirk. "Watch this!"

So saying, the boy held out his arms, and, propelled entirely by the wind, sailed along the on the flats of his feet.

"Be careful!" Erza called after him, but Gray shook his head.

"Don't bother," he said in her ear. "He won't be able to hear you in this breeze."

She turned to face him and cocked an eyebrow. "A breeze? This?"

Gray shrugged. "Compared to what you'll experience, yeah."

"Right."

She had her arm looped through his – a precaution lest the wind blow either of them off their feet. Gray didn't mind the closeness that afforded. Neither did he mind having to shout in her ear to beat the wind. But that close, he could feel every shift in her mood. Erza had no way of hiding it. Not from him. Not after almost twenty years of knowing each other.

"You seem down," he began, though he kept his eyes fixed on Luca and his windsurfing.

Erza nodded. "My train leaves tomorrow afternoon. It's so nice here that I forgot about the expedition for a bit."

"Mmm. You like the town?"

"Mhmm. When you mentioned it, I thought it'd be a small village – a few houses around a small bay. Maybe a chapel. A general store. A bar, if lucky." She looked around at the golden lights strung along at intervals down the street, down the houses flanking them on the right. "But this feels like a little golden oasis in the eternal night."

Gray replied with a hum. Wave after wave crashed to his left. Far enough away that the spray didn't reach him. But there was no reprieve from the haunting sound of them breaking against the rocks in the distance.

"When Deliora arrived," he began, "it just smashed through here. Decimated this place."

He felt her body get a little tense. She leaned in to listen better.

Gray went on: "Being a fishing town, they evacuated by boat. As they escaped, they saw their houses being burnt to the ground. They'd escaped with whatever belongings they could get their hands on, but now they just chucked it overboard. House keys, things like that. Wouldn't be needing them anymore, they thought."

Erza rubbed his arm slowly, saying nothing. Gray felt his shoulders relax. He hadn't realised that they'd gotten stiff.

"Anyway." He sighed. "After Deliora was dealt with, the people returned to find nothing but the chapel still standing. With their bare hands and almost nothing else, they rebuilt their town. One house at a time." He glanced at the sea. "It may not have been much. It may have been on the edge of nowhere, but it was theirs and they loved it, and I don't think I've ever admired any group of people as much."

"Oh, Gray," he heard her breathe and turned back to face her, stopping in his tracks.

"It may not be much," he told her, voice wavering, and took her hand in his. "But you're my… my best friend," he glanced down at his feet, "and I love you, and I just want you to come back safely, okay? For my sake."

It was a selfish request. Borderline narcissistic. But it was the truth. Modified, but still true. It was the best he could do.

Upon feeling a gloved hand on his cheek, he looked up, only to be greeted by the light brown eyes he held so dear. They were glimmering with some emotion he still couldn't quite place. He didn't want to, either.

Sometimes, words didn't cut it anymore. He knew that. Erza did, too, for she leaned in and gently touched her lips to his cheek before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I'm so glad," she whispered in his ear. Even over the wind, he could hear her clearly. "So glad that you care for me as much as you do, Gray. So glad and so, _so_ grateful." Gray put his arms around her waist and pulled her snugly into his chest, making her sigh. "It means so much to me. Knowing that you care, that you worry, it makes me feel so… so happy that my chest hurts a little."

Gray rubbed her back and just held her. There wasn't anything more he could say without betraying the real, ugly intentions he had for his concern. He closed his eyes.

"But please don't worry yourself sick," she told him and pulled away, smiling. She didn't stray far, her palms flat on his chest. "I won't be around to make sure you're eating properly."

Banter was nice. Banter was good. He could do banter. Gray had a retort about ready to go, but a sudden burst of wind sent Erza back into his chest and he held her steady. He was about to ask her if she was okay – it was reflex – but a loud crack caught both of their attention.

"Ow," said Luca, rubbing the back of his head as he rose to his feet. "Wind swept my legs out from under me, heh." Then he spotted Gray holding Erza in his arms. "I'm okay! I'm okay! Nothing serious, haha. Keep hugging!"

Sighing, Gray released Erza. The moment was gone, and the dumb boy probably had a concussion.

"This is why I keep telling you to not do this," he told Luca as Erza summoned a first-aid kit.

The boy shrugged. "Hey, you taught me how."

Erza looked at him sharply. "Gray!"

_Snitch_. Gray sighed again. "Is it serious?"

"No," Erza replied as she put the first-aid kit away after checking on Luca. "Might get a bump in his head, though."

"I like bumps," Luca said.

Gray pinched the bridge of his nose.

"We're going home," he said. "You'll get a matching bump on your head if I even _hear_ you windsurfing on the way back to the bus stop."

Erza nodded. "I second this."

Luca complained, but Gray made him walk – like normal people – in front of them. Erza smiled to herself as she walked beside him, but Gray kept his hands firmly inside his pockets this time.

The journey back was uneventful. It snowed a little on the way, but not nearly enough to stop transport. Gray decided to have dinner at the inn to save the hassle. Luca, understandably, had no complaints. Neither did Erza.

Heidi was concerned at first upon seeing the bump on Luca's head, but that soon turned to displeasure upon learning how he'd sustained that injury.

"I won't let you kiss me until it heals up," she huffed and went away after taking their order.

"But that'll take days!"

"Serves you right!"

Gray shook his head. Erza covered her mouth and laughed.

"Well, that's just unfair," Luca said glumly and sank into his chair.

Erza patted his shoulder. "You love her?"

"Yeah."

Gray sighed. The L-word was thrown around way too lightly for his liking.

"Then you know she loves you too, right?" Erza went on. Luca nodded. "She would not like seeing you hurt or injured. You go places and do things where she is unable to follow or be of any help. She has to stay here and worry and wait. Think how it makes her feel if you get hurt while being reckless. Had I been in her place, I would have been much sterner."

Gray hummed. "Ditto."

Luca sighed. "I get it." He got up and started walking towards the kitchen.

Erza watched him go and turned to Gray. "Where is he going?"

"To apologise."

"Ahh." Erza nodded. "Good."

"This happens about twice a month. She deserves better."

Erza sighed. "Boys."

"You'll get no arguments from me."

After dinner, during which Luca announced that Heidi had let him kiss her, Gray led them back up the hill to the cabin. It wasn't all that late, but the day's exertions would take a toll. Besides, Erza had a long journey to Fiore the next day. He wanted her to sleep early.

It seemed to him like her stay had gone by in a flash. Hadn't it been only five minutes ago that he'd been preparing for her arrival, running around like a headless chicken? And in a few hours, he would send her off to the South Pole.

_What even is time?_

"Gray."

Admittedly, he would've liked it had she stayed longer. _Maybe a full week_. She worked so hard, she deserved it. But Erza really wasn't the kind of person to take a step back and relax when people needed her. He hated it sometimes.

"Gray?"

The world did need Titania. He knew that. And he wouldn't want to come in the way of that – not that he ever could. He was well aware of how Erza worked. Nothing came between her and the mission. There was no way she would prioritise vacation time. Not for the world. Three days at a time was all he got, and he was fine with it.

"Gray!"

"Hmm?" He looked up. "What? What is it?"

Erza, smiling, pointed skywards. When he followed it, Gray had to smile himself.

In an empty piece of sky above the mountain there appeared a translucent cloud of many colours – pinks and greens and blues and pale purples. It glimmered and swirled as it slowly stretched across the sky.

The aurora hung in the air like a luminous drape of glittering faerie light. In the depthless blackness of the countryside, far from any kind of artificial light, it seemed like the heavens had opened up and come to touch the sleeping people in their houses, rewarding them for their hard work.

It lasted for only a few minutes, but Gray stood transfixed nonetheless. After it was gone, he looked at Erza, who was still smiling up at the sky.

_Sometimes, _he thought_, beauty doesn't have to be everlasting. Even if it's transient, it lights up your life completely. You're unable to look at anything else. And when it's gone, you feel blessed for getting a taste, however small. I get that every time you're here. Thank you. I forgot that._

When she noticed him looking at her, Erza raised her eyebrows curiously. Gray smiled and shook his head.

"C'mon," he said and resumed trudging up the hill. "We should get some rest. Long day tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

_Some people never come clean._

\- Eagles, "Victim of Love"

* * *

**4**

"Morning," Gray greeted Luca when he groggily came down from the attic. "Sleep well?"

"As well as I can with a lump on my head," the boy replied as he took a seat at the kitchen table. "You done working out already?"

"Yep." Gray glanced at the clock as he put the kettle on a tray. Quarter past six. _Perfect_. "Go knock on Erza's door."

"Why?"

"Because you're serving her tea in bed." Gray placed a cup and saucer on the tray and carried it to the table. "She's gonna deal with the milk and sugar herself, so you just do the knocking."

Luca stared at the tray, up at him and back at the tray again. Then he sighed and rose to his feet.

"You are _such_ a husband," he muttered as he went.

Gray frowned. "Hey, at least I ain't wearing an apron or something."

"It's the sentiment that matters more."

He had him there. Gray clicked his tongue and started working on breakfast. He wanted to do a nice thing and let Erza relax. She'd been going places and doing things ever since she arrived. A little break was deserved.

Plus, he wanted to prove to her that he could cook things that weren't omelettes.

Gray had already melted some butter in a frying pan. The meat dough, with onions, looked like a golden pulp and he added tomatoes, tomato paste and leeks. Then he heated some milk and let some brown cheese melt in it while stirring. He seasoned it with salt and pepper before pouring it into the meat sauce.

Once that was ready, he made some pasta. He knew that both Erza and Luca were hopelessly Fiorian at heart – they were used to having spaghetti multiple times a day. They practically had diluted pizza flowing through their veins. It would be a welcome sight to them.

He'd come up with this particular recipe after moving to Huldsborg. It was a little taste of home for Luca, and fusing it with traditional Isvani brown cheese had helped him acclimatise. It was now a staple in their cabin. Gray made it twice or thrice a week.

Erza came out carrying the tray, Luca in tow, just as Gray was finishing up.

"Something smells nice," she commented as she put the crockery in the sink.

Gray smirked and puffed out his chest. "_Not_ an omelette."

"I am very proud of your culinary evolution. But what is it?"

"Pasta à la brunost. I made it myself after maybe… thirty failures?"

"Thirty-two," Luca corrected sourly. "_I_ was the test-taster. I _remember_."

"Well, you liked the finished product, didn't you?" Gray waggled a ladle at the boy's face. "You got no right to complain."

"I can and I will. Now gimme the food. I'm hungry."

"Yeah, yeah. Erza, leave the cup for later. Eat first."

"If you insist."

"I do. Feel guilty for not washing them later."

Sprinkling some basil leaves over the dish, Gray served his creation. It wasn't anything revolutionary, but he liked it well enough. He hoped Erza did, too.

"Mmm." Erza closed her eyes upon feeding herself a spoonful. Gray leaned in imperceptibly to hear her review. "I like the sauce. It's different, but I like it. I _really_ like it. What kind of cheese is this?"

That was all Gray needed to hear. He sat back, smiling, and tucked into his own meal.

"_Brunost._ A traditional cheese in these parts. Brown cheese," Luca replied while chewing. "But Gray has a secret ingredient."

"Oh?" Erza smiled at him and then at Gray. "And Gray couldn't be persuaded to part with it, could he?"

Gray shrugged. He had no idea where Luca was going with this. Given the boy's track record, it would be a spectacular fail.

"Oh, I say it's a secret, but it isn't really." Luca nodded matter-of-factly. "The secret ingredient is _love_."

After very nearly choking on his mouthful, Gray, stricken, gaped at Luca. The boy shrugged. Erza just laughed.

"I can tell," she said, mischief dancing across her eyes. "You made this with a lot of care, Gray. It shows."

"Uh-huh. Anyway." Gray concentrated on his food, eager to move on. "What, uh, whaddaya wanna do today?"

"A good question." Erza nodded to herself. "What _shall_ we do today? Luca? Any ideas?"

"Stay inside and sleep and eat."

"Mmm. That sounds nice. Doesn't that sound nice, Gray?"

Gray considered this. "Dunno. Sounds too boring. If it were me, I'd throw board games into the mix."

"Excellent. Then that is what we'll do. Any objections, Luca?"

"Nah. _You'll_ be the one making objections when I _beat_ you!"

"Oh? Bold words, Luca. I shall make you eat them."

Shaking his head, Gray let the two trash-talk each other. It was entertaining. Better than the radio programmes he listened to during meals. Once he finished, he got up and said, "Trash-talk without action is just embarrassing, guys. Hope you know that."

It was effective. Luca ran up to the attic to retrieve all his board games. Ranging from word games to life simulators, he had a fair few. Gray told him to spend his money more wisely, but Luca had an unhealthy obsession with games. It was borderline frightening.

But what was even more frightening was Erza's competitive spirit. She did _not_ like losing. So Gray was unsurprised when a friendly game turned into a battle of pride. Deeming it safest to not be anywhere near them, Gray spent his time washing and drying the dishes. After that, he stood and watched from a distance as Luca and Erza played one game of each before moving onto another. Apparently, whoever won the most games, all boards combined, won the day.

Neither of them spoke, too absorbed in their little competition. Gray made himself some coffee and checked the timetable. Erza's train was scheduled to arrive at a quarter to one. He'd asked Heidi to pack a couple of meals for her – enough to last the rest of the day. The train from Nyborg would take her to the border, where she'd take another train at around noon to reach Magnolia in the evening. A solid thirty hour stretch. Gray sighed.

_We'll have to leave by eleven o' clock. It's seven-thirty now. Enough time to get ready. I'll hafta stop them by ten, though. Gonna hafta reach the station by one. Okay. Doable. _

He nodded to himself and looked up. Erza was handily beating Luca at scrabble. Gray sipped his coffee.

_Serves you right, ya little shit._

For two more hours, Gray let them have their fun. Heidi arrived in the meantime to drop off a lunch box. It was triple-decked, and Gray assumed that mother and daughter had packed in some extra.

At the end of their stipulated playtime, Gray rapped his knuckles lightly on Luca's head.

"Time's up," he told the boy. "Cut your losses and go freshen up if you wanna see her off at the station."

Luca whined. "Ten more minutes?"

"No."

"Five more minutes?"

"No."

"Auntie Erzaaa! See how mean he is?"

Erza smiled. "Five more minutes is fine."

"There, see?" Luca smirked up at Gray. "She said it's fine. You're overruled."

Gray shook his head. He wouldn't deprive them of that.

"Fine. Five more minutes." He glanced at the clock. "Actually, two hundred and eighty three seconds. Make 'em count."

"Aw, crap!"

It was enough for one game of chess, and Luca won it with half a minute on the clock.

"Yes!" he cried, throwing his fists in the air. "Hahaha! I got you! I _finally_ got you! Oh, this is great!"

"Yes. Amazing." Gray rolled his eyes. "Now go take a bath."

The boy went, hands still raised in celebration. As he disappeared up the stairs, Gray turned to Erza.

"You shouldn't let him win," he said. "His head won't fit through doorways for the next month."

Laughing, she started putting away the pieces and dice. "Even in gambling you win once or twice. Helps morale."

"Yeah, well, he doesn't need it. And you don't need to do that. It's his games. He'll put 'em back."

"I played too. It's my responsibility as well."

Gray sighed. "You're all packed up, right?"

"Yes, Gray. Requip mage, remember?"

"Right, right."

With nothing more to say, Gray left the kitchen and let Erza do her thing. The day of the farewell was always the most awkward. Usually, he'd ask her when she would likely visit next. Make plans. Now, that seemed like a distant dream.

Gray made his way out onto the patio, let the darkness surround him. Fog obstructed the mountains from view. He peered blankly into the gloomy mist, but he couldn't see more than a few feet before him. Gloomy really was the word for it. Heavy. Burdensome. He smiled to himself.

_Pelerorneg, _he thought. _The burden_. Whatever system the tribe used for naming things, he couldn't fault their accuracy.

He felt her rather than heard her come. Almost as if the air around her moved differently. He watched her as she silently came and stood beside him, arms crossed over her chest. A faint smile played on her lips, and her hair fell over her right eye like a beautiful, wavy scythe. The sight of her alone made his breath hike, but Gray couldn't look away.

Even in the gloom, she was a spot of brightness. Sorely needed and deeply missed.

"Gray?"

"Hmm?"

"We have some time now."

"Yeah."

"Will you play me the song again?"

She turned her smile on him and, despite the gloom and cold, he felt his insides melt into mush. He could never say no to her. And for little things like this, there was no need to.

"Sure thing."

So, for the little time they had, Gray played her the song. It sounded a little different to his ears now. The music, like the mist, hung heavy in the air. It was more mournful than haunting, filled with earthly desire and longing. No less bewitching, but different to be sure.

Erza didn't say anything. She just lay on the deckchair with her eyes closed and her hands over her stomach, fingers drumming along to the tune. Luca came downstairs and stood at the threshold of the patio, not crossing over. Whether the music had created a cocoon just for the two of them, Gray didn't know, but he was glad.

When he stopped playing, Erza sighed slightly. She didn't open her eyes. "Is it time already?"

"It's eleven-twenty," Luca replied.

Gray rose to his feet and walked back inside. "Yeah. Might as well get a move on. I'd rather wait at the station than miss the train."

"He always does that, you know," Gray heard Luca tell Erza. "Goes and waits at the station for hours every time you come."

She laughed. Gray shook his head. That boy was getting out of hand. "Luca, go make a sleigh."

"Yes, sir!"

From a cabinet in his room, Gray picked out two glass bottles of mead and wrapped them up in a newspaper. _As good a bag as any_. He carried them to the kitchen and tucked them into the basket containing Erza's lunch and dinner.

"Mead?" Erza asked, watching him.

"Two bottles," he nodded. "One for you, one for Cana. A souvenir. Just make sure she doesn't drink it all in one go, okay?"

"I will."

"That goes for you, too."

"Yes, yes." She pursed her lips and gave him a once-over. "Shouldn't you get dressed instead of bossing everybody around?"

Gray shrugged. "Won't take long. I'll get changed before Luca finishes with the sleigh."

"I'm done!" called Luca from outside and Erza smirked, raising an eyebrow. Gray huffed, rolled his eyes and stalked into his room.

He'd already picked out what to wear the night before, so his work was half done. Black trousers, a navy blue shirt and his old, white coat. A familiar ensemble. When he emerged after spraying some perfume on himself, he found that Erza had requipped into her travel wear. She picked up the basket upon seeing him and nodded.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

As soon as they stepped outside, Luca chastised them for taking too long. Erza laughed and went down the steps while Gray locked up the house. Then he looked the sleigh over and hummed. Luca waited expectantly.

"Well done," Gray said and the boy pumped his fist.

"It really is very well-made," Erza agreed as she took her seat, motioning Luca over. "You're better than Gray was at your age."

"Hah! You hear that, Gray?" Luca chortled as he settled in in front of Erza. "I'm better than you were."

Gray rolled his eyes as he stood on the runners. "Yeah, you're welcome, dumbass. Now get ready."

He gave them three seconds before he pushed off. The sleigh whooshed down the slope smoothly, and Gray squinted against the wind. It didn't take them long before coming to a stop at Huldsborg. The village was well awake, and most of them gathered around the inn to bid Titania farewell. Erza stepped off the sleigh to go talk to Helgi and Heidi. Gray got off the runners and rounded the sleigh. He came to the front just as Luca leapt out.

"You're gonna do it today, aren't you? You gonna propose?"

"Shaddap and let me concentrate."

He placed his palms together, knelt and placed them on the snow. Seven magical circles appeared on the ground, fanned out in front of the sleigh. As the circles started glowing, Gray closed his eyes.

Ice-make was about control. Giving shape. Giving life. Exactitude. To project an image in one's mind onto reality. Art at its most primal.

And when he opened his eyes and beheld his creation, he smiled to himself. Seven huskies, made of ice, stood around, shaking their bushy tails and sniffing the air. Gray held out his hand and they came, one by one, to sniff and lick. He patted each one on the head and got up.

"Make some harnesses," he told Luca, who shook his head.

"You're gonna have to start teaching me dynamic ice make soon."

"Master static first."

Grumbling under his breath, Luca went to work. Gray looked over at the inn and found Erza exchanging final hugs with Heidi. _Get what you can_, he thought. _Gonna be a long time before you get any more_.

After exchanging a few words, Erza waved at the girl and turned and walked back to the sleigh. Upon noticing the dogs, she chuckled and said, "Cute. Dynamic ice-make suits you."

Gray shrugged. His instruction had come to an abrupt halt upon Ul's passing. He'd taught himself the rest. The same went for dynamic ice-make.

_Up yours, Lyon._

"It has its uses," he replied modestly but couldn't stop the smirk that spread over his face.

"Yeah, he makes blocks of ice and sends them grocery shopping."

"Shaddup."

Erza chuckled returned to her seat. "Did you name them?"

Gray stepped onto the runners. "Who?"

"The dogs."

"Hmm." Luca finished attaching the harnesses with chains of ice to the sleigh, gave him a nod, and sat down. Gray made the dogs go. "Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La and Ti."

"You just made them up, didn't you?" Erza turned back and asked.

"I confess to nothing."

The road to Nyborg, though hilly, wasn't uncomfortable. Although not as fast as a magic vehicle, the dogs made pretty good time. Gray let them pull all the way to the station and glanced at the clock tower as he passed by. There was still a half hour to go from the scheduled arrival time of the train.

"Deserted as ever," he muttered as they entered. Besides them, there was only one other person – a middle-aged man – waiting for the train.

Erza hummed. "Stark contrast to Magnolia, isn't it?"

Magnolia station was always abuzz with activity. People and trains were coming and going all the time. It was like manoeuvring around a herd of wild buffaloes. Swearing, sweating buffaloes.

Gray grunted. "I like this better, thanks."

"I know."

Luca and Erza occupied one of the empty benches, but Gray refused. This close to the end, his stomach was in knots. His guts twisted every time there was an announcement on the loudspeaker.

_Okay, Fullbuster, I know you hate this part, but you've gotta chill_, he told himself as he paced back and forth. _You knew this was coming. You knew. Now think about what you're gonna say._

He should have. He really should have. It wasn't like he _didn't_ have time. Hearing Luca and Erza chatter away, laugh and joke around, he _wished_ it was as easy for him.

_Goodbye and good luck? No, too impersonal. Have a safe trip? Meh. I'll be waiting? God, no. Too... too much. How the hell do they make it so easy in radio dramas?!_

The loudspeaker crackled and boomed out an announcement, making Gray jump. It said that the train was coming. Gray stopped and stared at the speaker. The train was coming, and in his effort to figure out what to say, he hadn't said a goddamn word.

"At least we're here at the right platform," Luca said and hopped off the bench. "Saves time."

"It always comes to this platform, Luca." Gray stared down the tracks, expecting it to show up on the horizon at any moment.

"It isn't late, either," Erza said, sounding pleased.

Gray hummed. He hated it.

"You look tense," Erza said. He looked over at her. Found her smiling. "I said you look tense. Is something the matter?"

"Yeah, Gray." Luca smirked. "Is something the matter? You can always talk to Aunt Erza if something's bothering you, y'know."

Gray squinted at the boy. _Goddamn kid_. He opened his mouth, quip ready to fly, but jumped upon hearing a bloodcurdling toot.

Erza rose to her feet. "The train's here."

And indeed it was. Gray turned towards the tracks and saw the engine making its way towards them from the horizon.

Only three days ago, Gray had been delighted at the sight. Now, it made him anxious. The train was here. Erza would be gone in five minutes. And he _still_ had no idea what to say.

"C'mon, Aunty Erza," said Luca and grabbed Erza's hand. "Let's get you to your compartment!"

So saying, he led her to where her coach would stop. Gray followed in sullen silence. His heart wouldn't stop trying to jump into his throat. He sincerely hoped his breakfast wouldn't decide to come up for some air.

The train, smelling of coal and grease, slowly passed them by. Luca had stopped at the right spot, and when the train halted, he gave Erza a quick hug.

"I'll miss you," he told her. "Be safe out there, okay?"

Erza laughed. "I'll be fine, you need not worry." She tousled his hair. "You take care of Gray. He's harder to deal with than the pole, I'm sure."

Luca laughed and opened the carriage door for her. Then he looked back at Gray and stepped aside, making room. Erza's gaze immediately found his and her eyes softened slightly. Gray gulped.

_Mouth. Open it. Spit words out. Words. Wiggling vocal chords. Go._

"Don't eat solid ice," he found himself saying. "And don't let other people eat it either." _What're you saying?_ "Especially icicles. I know they're tempting, but they'll freeze your tongue to them and rip the skin right off when you try to pull it away."

Erza tilted her head, amused. "Uh-huh."

Gray scratched his cheek and looked away. "And make sure Natsu walks last. His body temperature might melt the ice." _Chicken_. "If he walks in front, there's a risk of other people falling into the crater he might create."

"Mhmm. Good point."

"You'll get almost twenty knot winds." _Stop this_. "They'll sweep your words away, so practice hand signals."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"And…" _Just say something personal, you dumbass!_ "And…" Gray dragged his fingers through his hair and faced her. "And just… just…"

She was still smiling. The amusement in her eyes twinkled brightly and leaned in, all attention.

"Just…?" she prompted in a whisper and Gray chuckled.

"Just make sure you all come back without bits missing," he replied. "Be careful. Stay alert."

Erza nodded. While she was still smiling, he knew she wasn't being facetious. "We will be, Gray."

_Okay, Fullbuster. You've wasted enough time. Now or never._

"I l-" he began but closed his mouth when the train's whistle rang out.

Erza smiled sadly. "You were saying?"

_Oh, what's the point?_

"I'll miss you," Gray told her and jerked his head toward the open door. "Time to go. Make us proud."

"Right," Erza said with a sigh as she latched onto the door handle and climbed up the steps. She stood on the doorway as the train jerked alive and waved. "You two take care. I'll see you when I get back."

With another rather aggressive toot, the train started to move. Gray felt his stomach flip again.

"Bring back souvenirs!" Luca called out. Erza laughed in response. She kept waving as the train carried her farther and farther away, until she, along with the train, became just a speck on the distant horizon. And then, she was gone from sight.

Gray put his hand on Luca's shoulder. Wordlessly, the boy turned and started walking. He knew all too well that the rest of the day would be gloomy. It was routine. Aunt Erza was important to him. This time around, the separation would be significantly more difficult.

On their way back, shrouded in silence, Gray wondered how to get Luca through it. He sat staring glumly at nothing in particular. Loud and confident as he was, he was still a child. He needed something to get his teeth into. As the ice dogs dashed through the snow, as the village came closer and closer, he came upon an idea.

"Take the day off," he told Luca as he stopped the sleigh at Huldsborg. The boy looked up at him. "Go. Take Heidi on a date or something. Spend some time with her."

"Gray, it's fine," Luca reassured him. "Really. I don't need-"

"You do. Take the day off. Relax." He paused. "You have a big quest waiting for you tomorrow."

Luca perked up. "I do? What is it?"

Gray raised his fingers to his lips and winked. "Tell ya later. Hop off. Have some fun for now. You won't get the chance for a while afterwards."

"Heh. Thanks, Gray." Luca got off. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. I got some stuff to do." He waved off the boy's concern. "I'll be fine. You go have a good time."

As Luca walked off towards the inn, Gray urged the dogs to take him home. Once there, he told the lead dog to wait, melted the others, and went inside. He took a page from a notebook and hastily scribbled a few lines. Then he folded it, went out and made the dog hold it in its mouth.

"Take this letter to Ateh," he told the dog, which he'd been calling Do in his head. "Run straight to Pilip. He runs the butcher shop." He pressed his finger to Do's forehead, making it aware of its destination and charge. "Wait for a response. Now, go."

The frost construct took off without a complaint. Do was gone within moments. Gray stood at the front porch for a while. The dog would reach the village in a few hours. Waiting was the only thing left for him now, and Gray slowly went inside, closing the door after him.

He went into the kitchen, shrugging off his coat and draping it over the back of a chair. He made himself some coffee and sat down at the table. Only then did he realise how quiet the house was.

Gone was the laughter, gone the welcoming feeling of warmth and constant mirth. The house felt like a collection of walls. His own personal prison. Gray took a sip of the coffee and got up.

A thin veil of perfume still hung in Erza's room. Gray leaned against the doorframe, eyes closed, absorbing whatever little remained of her aura. Being a hopeless romantic wasn't a habit of his. He made it a rule to never fall _that_ low. However, there were _some_ exceptions. Sometimes.

Gray finished his coffee, looked through the room a final time, and turned away. As soon as he entered the patio, the gloom smacked into him. It was nauseating. Erza had mentioned how the darkness depressed her at times. For him, the darkness magnified it by a wide margin. Gray sighed and sat himself down. He pulled up his feet and placed his hands under his head.

He lay there, staring at the sky. There were no winds, no snows, no mountains glimmering in the distance. Only the dreary monotony of every day staring back.

Sometimes, he wondered what life would've been like had he never left Fiore. Things could've been very different for him. For her. For all of them, maybe, had he only given them a chance.

With a scoff, Gray turned on his side and closed his eyes. The only way to shut out the burden was to shut out everything else with it. He covered his ear and eyes and breathed slowly. It wouldn't get to him if he didn't allow it to. Or so he hoped.

He hoped.

* * *

A poke in the ribs startled him into wakefulness. Gray squirmed and turned back, bleary-eyed and yawning, at the offender. "What?"

"The dog," came Luca's voice. "It was sitting outside with a letter in its mouth. Can we keep him?"

It took a solid five seconds to process all that information. Gray sat up, running a hand through hair, and took the letter from Luca's hand. He hummed absently as he opened it.

"Is that a yes? Can we keep him?" Luca persisted.

"Did you just assume Do's gender?"

"Well, hey, you skipped out on making distinguishing marks, so."

Gray looked at him. "You took a peek?"

"I always do. Don't you?"

With a sigh, Gray returned to the letter. "Sometimes, I dunno _where_ I get the patience to deal with you."

Luca plopped down beside him. "It's because you love me. What's the letter say?"

Gray read through it again. Just because he spoke the language didn't mean Luca could read it. When he was finished, he hummed again and folded it neatly.

The dog had made a round trip to Ateh and back. That was at least six hours. How had he slept that long? Was he really that tired?

"Your quest," he held up the folded letter, "has been approved."

"Oooh! What is it, what is it, tell me tell metellmetel-"

"The people over in Ateh live mostly off fishing. The sea is rough, so they teach their kids how to survive. Every fourteen-year-old there is taken to a remote island off the coast, given some basic supplies, and tasked with surviving for two days. They go in groups of four to promote teamwork." Gray pointed the letter at Luca. "And you are taking part in this."

"Huh. Feels more like an exercise than a quest, though."

"It is. It pays to know these things." Gray yawned. "If you do well, your reward is that they'll take you on a whaling expedition."

"I'll do it!" Luca leapt to his feet, arms thrust out skywards. "I've been waiting for this for years! Ahahahahaha! Yeah, baby! Wait till I tell Heidi! She'll be so-"

Gray tuned him out. If he really _had _slept for that long, it was surely evening. He sighed and got up. "Go and pack, first. We have to leave early tomorrow."

"Sir, yes, sir!" The boy saluted and sprinted out of the patio. Gray heard his steps as he ran up to the attic.

"Don't forget to take an extra set of socks!"

"Yes, mother!"

Snorting, Gray pocketed the letter. He looked out at the mountains, but the gloomy weather denied him the view. He smiled wanly. There would be no winning against the burden that day, it seemed.

Not that day, if ever.


	5. Chapter 5

_Your prison is walking through this world all alone._

\- Eagles, "Desperado"

* * *

**5**

"Remember," Gray told Luca, "to survive, the best tool you have is your team. Rely on them. Work with them. You can do magic, which is a huge advantage, but don't tryta do everything yourself. All right?"

"I got it, Gray." The boy smiled at him. "Don't worry so much. I got this."

As the other parents exchanged parting words with their kids, Gray tousled Luca's hair. "Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of."

"Hey, not the hair! C'mon!" He patted it back into place. "I worked for that. Geez."

Snorting, Gray gazed out at the sea. It was disquiet as ever. Angry waves crashed repeatedly against the distant rocks. Part of him was concerned for sending the boy out there. It _was _dangerous. But he also knew that Luca wouldn't be satisfied with small-time jobs anymore. The kid needed some adventure. He'd done _much_ more dangerous things when he was sixteen.

Then again, that was a different time altogether.

"Okay, kids, climb aboard," said Pilip in Isavli. The man, though he worked as a butcher, was a champion whaler. It was his responsibility to row the children to and from the island. "Let's go before the tide comes in."

"_That's_ low tide?" Luca asked, eyebrows raised, staring at the foam splashing over the rocks.

"Yeah. It's even worse around the poles," replied Gray and gently nudged the boy towards the boat. "You'll be fine."

"If Auntie Erza can lick this, so can I," Luca said, mostly to himself, as he made for the boat.

Gray stood on the wharf and waved, along with everyone else, as the boat slowly made its way to the rocks and then beyond it. Before long, it turned into a speck on the turbulent sea. Gray heaved a sigh, pocketed his hands and turned back with the other families. They didn't seem overly concerned. Everybody there had survived it. They let their children go through with it after years of coaching – and because they knew the mortality rate was non-existent.

Swallowing the worry in his gut, Gray walked back to Do. The ice dog, along with its recently revived brethren, wagged their tails as he approached and Gray patted them on the head.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he told them, knowing full well that they didn't understand. "You guys've been really patient, huh? Wish I could give you treats."

The dark sky hid the fact that it was midmorning. And Ateh was bitterly cold. The sledge journey had taken them three hours – Gray had really pushed the dogs. Now, there was no reason to hurry.

_What's there to go back to?_

He sat down on the sledge and commanded the dogs to return to the cottage. On the way, he made quick work of the remaining sandwiches – their breakfast. Gray hummed as he chewed. Making them last night had been a good move. They'd left too early for cooking.

By itself, the journey was boring. Gray tried looking at the scenery, but it was too dark to appreciate it. Besides, it was all the same anyway. Conifers, frightened deer, and snow. So _much_ snow. Usually he wasn't one to disparage his own magic, but he was tired of it.

"I need a change of scenery," he told himself idly. "Go to a desert or somethin'."

He'd been in Isvan, living in his cottage, doing the same things, eating the same food, seeing the same sights, for years. He remembered a time when every day, there was something new to do. Every day brought the promise of a new adventure. There were times he missed that.

Gray clicked his tongue. _Snap outta it, _he told himself. _You made a choice. Don't regret it._

For the most part, he didn't. He really _did_ like his life. Boring, yes, but also peaceful. Living on the edge and hunting dark guilds was a young man's game.

Perhaps it was because of Erza that his thoughts had turned in this direction. _Yeah, that's probably it. _She was off having a grand adventure. Mapping the pole. Changing geography books forever. While he sat on a sledge, returning to a secluded cottage. Where once there was never a dearth of chatter and adulation in his life, things he found annoying, now there was only silence. A part of him missed being the centre of attention. Back then, there was always trouble afoot and he was always, invariably, in the middle of it.

Along with Erza.

The sigh that escaped him was quickly lost to the chilled winds. Gray pulled his coat a bit tighter around himself.

Wrapping the reins around his left forearm, Gray lay down, pillowing his right hand. The dogs didn't need directions. They would show up at the cottage even if a blizzard hit them. He closed his eyes. Sleep wouldn't come for him, but at least he could escape all the snow.

He laughed at the utter futility of his desire. But then, that had always been the case for him.

_Nothing ever changes._

* * *

Do sat on the porch and wagged his tail. Looking at its happy little face, Gray couldn't bring himself to dissolve its newest siblings. Rather than always creating sled dogs, it _would_ save time to just have a pack on hand, Gray had told himself on the way.

"You're lucky you guys are cute," he told the dogs as he put away his sleigh. "Be a puddle on the ground otherwise."

He didn't know what the dogs thought about that. They all went around the cottage, doing their thing. Gray shrugged. Less maintenance.

"I'm home," he said as he opened the door and stepped inside. He brushed down his coat, took off his shoes and went inside. The coat, he draped over the back of a chair and surveyed the kitchen, hands on his hips. Pangs of hunger were bubbling in his stomach, but he just didn't have the will to cook.

"That's what I get for livin' alone," he told himself and turned on the radio. He spun the knob until he found the news channel. Whenever they decided to announce the journey, he wanted to be able to listen to it. And the news leading up to the voyage. And any interviews. Everything.

Instead, the anchor told him how some kidnappers were caught in under seven minutes after trying escape with their victim in a car and getting caught in traffic. Gray snorted. The news resembled entertainment more and more every day. Everything was so _goddamn _absurd, he was afraid sometimes that the world would stop making sense.

"In that case, ya picked a helluva place to settle," he said, ambling into his room and opening the liquor cabinet. "Away from the world, ya won't hafta worry about a damn thing."

He took out a bottle of whisky and brought it to the dining table. True, it was mid-afternoon, but who would tell him no? There was nobody.

"Nobody to tell you what to do," he muttered, pouring a nip into a crystal glass and downing it immediately. He sighed and titled his head back, hands hanging by his sides, staring at the ceiling blankly. "Exactly like you wanted."

It was. It _was _what he wanted. He'd worked hard to build all this. Really, really fucking hard.

So why did it feel so shallow?

He poured another nip. Paused. Poured some more. In his left hand, he made two cubes of ice and dropped them in the glass one after another. Any more would be a crime.

Ice tinkled against glass loudly as he twirled the whisky a little. Then he sat down, glass held loosely in his left hand, and took a small sip.

The whisky was expensive. Smooth as silk. A novelty. He only brought it out a few times a year. He took care to preserve it – and keep it hidden from Luca. The kid always wanted to share.

_Maybe after he comes home_, Gray thought and took another sip. _To celebrate._

That kid grew up too fast for his own good. Gray remembered a time when Luca couldn't even make an ice cone. Now he was off raiding some island. Gray had no doubt he'd pass. That ensured he'd be away for another couple weeks on a whaling trip. He couldn't be called a kid anymore. But really, for someone who couldn't boil an egg-

His right hand moved.

Gray sat stock still, the glass pressed to his lips, and watched his right hand move slowly towards the whisky bottle. The movement seemed mostly natural to him. Others probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference. But he knew.

He wasn't moving his hand.

Very slowly, Gray got up, glass in hand. He kept his eyes on his right hand, which moved this way and that, and went back into his room. He put down the glass on the nightstand and pulled out the middle drawer. Took out a fresh syringe. Held one end with his left hand and bit into the other and tore it open.

His right hand jerked back, clawing for his throat. It was so sudden, Gray barely had the time to catch it with his left hand. Holding the syringe between his teeth, he sat back on the bed and brought his legs up. He trapped his writhing arm between his legs and took the syringe out from his mouth.

"Fuck me," he said, shooting a withering look at his clawing hand. Never got any less weird, this. But now that he had restrained himself with his legs, there was a different problem. Gray sighed. "Do! Re!"

Within moments, the two dogs came in, tails ever-wagging. _Glad I didn't dissolve them, after all_. He motioned the dogs closer.

"Do, there's a glass vial of medicine in the open drawer. It's the only vial there. Re, my glass of whisky. On the nightstand. Go, fetch."

Without skipping a beat, the dogs went to work. Re brought him his glass first and Gray patted its head. "Good dog."

Then he dipped a finger in the whisky and dabbed it on the crook of his right elbow. The spirit cooled almost immediately and when Do returned, he asked the ice construct to tilt its head sideways so he could stick the needle into the vial.

As his right hand thrashed more and more violently, Gray measured the dose carefully. He asked one of the dogs to hold the prepared syringe and chugged down the remainder of his drink.

"Now then," he said, putting the glass down on the floor. Taking up the syringe, he jammed the needle into the crook of his elbow, his well-practiced hand finding the right spot with ease. He gave it a second before pushing the drug into the system. Then he took it out and, with unerring accuracy, flung the syringe into the dustbin.

Once it was all done, Gray took a deep breath. He sat there, legs grapevined around his violent arm until it got over its destructive ways. It took almost five minutes for the thrashing to turn into gentle twitching. Only then did he let it go. He tried moving his hand, rotating and stretching. Closed his fist. Wiggled his fingers. Everything seemed responsive enough, but he frowned nonetheless.

The medicine was taking longer and longer to take effect. And greater doses. Gray sighed.

A wave of nausea hit him then and he lay down on the bed. The medicine always did that. After the nausea, came the drowsiness. Now _that,_ he didn't mind. He could use some.

Laying his head down on the pillows, Gray let his right hand, now quiet, hang off the side of the bed. One of the dogs, he couldn't say which, came over and nudged his knuckles with its nose. Gray patted its snout.

"Just you and me, bud," he said aloud. "Make sure… nobody breaks and enters."

The cold touch of its nose was gone. Gray, through lids almost too heavy to keep open, looked around the room. Only a single dog remained. It sat by the foot of bed. Its tail wasn't wagging.

He was touched by its loyalty. _Don't worry, buddy. I'll be fine. _He wanted to reassure the dog. Then he chuckled. There he lay, drugged and half half-asleep, with only a dog of his own creation for company.

_Pathetic._

Unable to keep his eyes open, Gray trailed off. Sleep had come for him. His final seconds before he succumbed to it he spent wishing that someone – anyone – was there for him in times like these, wishing for the presence of another human being near him. Maybe, with some chatter and laughter, the house wouldn't feel so cold.

_I hope I remember this feeling when I wake up._

But he knew better than anyone that it was not to be.

* * *

**A/N: This marks the end of part 1, folks. I wanna thank anyone who read and reviewed, especially you, Nastja. Your input is really appreciated. That said, enjoy the festive season, everyone. Cheers!**


	6. Chapter 6

_They say I'm crazy, but I have a good time._

\- Eagles, "Life's Been Good"

* * *

**6**

Being whacked across the face by a rolled up newspaper was _not_ Gray's preferred method of waking up. Nowhere near close. But he could not dispute its effectiveness.

"The _fuck_…?" he muttered, rubbing his face. "Whawazzat for?"

"It's time," Luca replied and clicked on the radio. Gray yawned and thumbed the sand from his eyes. Before he could ask _what_ it was time for, the radio answered him.

"…the moment of departure approaches," came the voice of the news anchor, speaking in rapidfire Fiorian. "In a few minutes, the 'Miraculous' will sail away, heading southward towards polar waters. A little farewell ceremony is now taking place. The Chairman of the Magic Council, Draculous Hyberion, has just presented a truly magnificent bouquet of flowers to Erza Scarlet, the expedition's leader…"

Gray stared at the radio. Luca sat down on the other deckchair and, wordlessly, handed him a plate. Boiled egg and buttered toast. It was the first thing he'd learnt to cook. That too, only recently.

The voyage had been all over every major news channel for the past month. He and Luca had followed the story very closely, just like people all over the continent – and even outside – had. Fairy Tail was a household name the world over. Meaning, the coverage was even more thorough than it would have been otherwise. Gray didn't mind. He'd rather enjoyed listening to all the interviews and talk shows. Hearing their voice was strange. Not being there with them was even stranger, somehow, though he knew he would never have agreed to sit down for as many interviews. Doing press seemed like a nightmare.

Beside him, Luca munched on his toast. The boy had been unable to shut up after his whaling expedition. Apparently, he'd played fetch with a whale. Far-fetched though it sounded, Gray was willing to believe it. Luca _was _his student, and half the shit _he _had done seemed unbelievable now. Even to him.

Looking out at the mountains, he recalled a few of his adventures. The Tower came to mind immediately. The Games. Avatar. Strange, but most of his best memories were, in some way, always tied to Erza. Though it seemed to him that a long time had passed, and it may as well have, some moments stood out to him as clear as day. That was the thing with memories – age only enriched them.

_I wish time did that to _me.

A month ago, he would have been jealous at being left behind by his former teammates. If only for a few days, he _was _jealous. Now, he was happy for them. He wished them success. He was even excited about the whole deal, though it was tempered by worry.

"…and here is Her Majesty, Queen Hisui E. Fiore with Erza Scarlet, handing over the flag to be planted atop the research station."

Gray snorted and closed his eyes. He could just picture Erza's face: she would be smiling with her brows drawn, gallantly trying to push down the stage fright. Wendy would be by her side through it all, ever the professional. Lucy would be busy keeping Natsu in line – who was frothing at the mouth to leave, he was sure. That would change once the ship started moving.

"What's so funny?" Luca asked.

"Nothing," he replied.

He listened to the commentary in silence. It was early morning. _Very_ early morning. He'd slept out on the patio because his nerves hadn't allowed sleep to bag him while in bed. He'd reminisced a fair bit last night, too, under the moon's watchful gaze. Now, as he finished breakfast, as a thunderous toot rang from the distant harbour channelled through his radio, he felt those nerves return.

"The final moorings have been cast off… this is the moment of departure. The ship is moving slowly away from the quay. The 'Miraculous' has sailed… sailed away in pursuit of eternal glory."

He heard clapping. Whistling. Roaring. He pictured Erza and Lucy leaning over the handrails alongside other members of the crew, waving their handkerchiefs. Pictured Erza smiling, then turning away determinedly and walking up to the edge of the bow and looking out to sea. Her latest conquest. He smiled to himself.

"You have been listening to an eyewitness account of the departure of the polar research vessel 'Miraculous.' The programme was relayed through all networks across-"

Luca snapped it off. There was a slight crackle of static. Then silence. Gray assumed a lot of radio sets were turned off in that instant.

"So I guess that's that, huh," Luca said, sounding thoughtful. "I kinda expected another interview."

"Wanted to hear her voice again?"

"Yeah."

"Me, too." He reached out and ruffled Luca's hair. He didn't protest. Gray then stood up, holding his plate. "C'mon. Let's get a drink."

Luca raised his eyebrows. "You're offering an underage boy a drink at five in the morning."

"Ehh." Gray shrugged. "I'm bringin' out the good stuff. Your loss if you don't wanna join in."

The bait worked. By the time Gray had deposited his empty plate, cutlery and all, in the sink, Luca was sitting expectantly at the table. Gray smiled inwardly and brought out a bottle of whisky and two glasses. He poured in a mere thimbleful and slid it across the table to Luca. The boy peered into the glass, then hummed.

"Ice dilutes the flavour, if you're wondering," Gray said as he filled his own glass. "Serving it right outta the bottle is called 'neat.'"

"Nah, I was just tryna smell it."

Gray shook his head. Then he held up his glass. "To Erza."

"And to her team," Luca added, clinking the glasses. "May they come back safe and sound and soon – with lotsa chocolates."

This was rather unexpected, and Gray held the glass midway to his lips. Luca seemed relaxed enough, though drinking raw whisky made him pull a face. Gray smiled and drank. If Luca felt that way of his own volition, that was the best thing imaginable. He would bring it up someday, but not anytime soon.

"Yeah. Same," he muttered under his breath.

"Gray?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever been to the North Pole? I know you've never gone south, but did your adventures ever take you north?"

Luca was still holding his glass, so Gray poured him another drink and sat down on the corner of the table. It was a sudden question. Luca's wanderlust had been stoked by the whaling trip. He wanted to know more and more everyday about the rest of the world.

"Yeah," Gray replied. "I've been there."

"_Really?!_" Luca immediately downed his drink and leant forward on his elbows. "What was it like? Tell me tell me tell me tel-"

"It was cold," Gray interrupted him, smiling. "Really fuckin' cold."

"Boo! Details! Did you go there to set up camps, too?"

Gray shook his head. "You can't. The ice shelf of the North Pole is just ice floating on the ocean water. It moves around with currents. It's impossible to build anything permanent there. After a few months, it'd drift out to sea."

"Then where'd you stay? Who'd you go with? What'd you do?"

"I went there with Lyon and we made igloos to live in. We did drift around with the ice a bit, but it was nothing serious. Kinda fun actually. And we went there basically on holiday."

Luca raised his eyebrows again. "You went to the North Pole… on vacation?" he asked sceptically.

"Where else would ice mages go?" Gray returned, amused. "Do the hula in the tropics? No, we figured it'd be a nice place to visit. And it _was _amazing. Pretty magical, once you get used to the barren nothingness."

"You take pictures?"

"Sadly, no. We didn't take any equipment like that. And don't ask me to describe. I ain't that good with words. Won't do it justice." Luca sighed. "But, there are a number of books on the topic. There's a very good one, actually, that has tonsa pictures in it. It's the one I read before deciding to go there."

"D'you have it?"

"No. Haven't read it in years. I borrowed it from a library a long time ago." Gray stared into his glass. "Say, you got any plans today?"

"Today? Let's see…" The boy leaned back, and his eyes rolled up in thought. Gray finished his drink. "Nothing for today, no. Kept the day clear because of… y'know..." he trailed off, jerking his thumb over his shoulder towards the radio.

"Mmm. In that case, we'll go down to Nyborg after breakfast. See if we can find that book."

"Yay!"

"You have to promise to read it, though. I'm not buying it if you're just gonna ogle the pictures and never touch it again."

"I promise, I promise."

Despite his proclamations, Luca really wasn't much of a reader. Not that Gray was avid or anything, but he had collected a fair few interesting – to him, at least – books over the years. His shelf had tomes about geography, history, travel, fiction of all flavours, and even comic books. Luca had only flipped through the last category. Gray wasn't hopeful he'd read this one either, but he wanted the book for himself, too.

Now although Luca didn't read, he rather liked being inside bookstores. At least, he ran around like he did. He picked up one book, then another, and another. He was like a bee, bent on infecting an orchard. Gray let him. He was sure the boy wouldn't get lost in a bookshop. Or hadn't. Yet.

Literature Hut was Nyborg's largest bookshop. Gray made it a point to visit once or twice every month. They stocked the latest periodicals from the world over, and he liked browsing through them. As a bonus, they played music in the background and provided chairs for people to sit and read. Many an afternoon he'd spent doing just that. It was rather peaceful, though the staff sometimes gave him the stink-eye for never buying anything.

This time, it would be different.

He hailed one of the clerks and asked for the book in question. She said she would have to check their database, and asked him to kindly wait. So he drifted around the shop, keeping an eye on Luca's whereabouts. He went towards the periodical stand and found that all of them had a featured article about the South Pole voyage. Even the ones about fashion had some models posing in snow gear.

_Jeez._

It amused him, how the world had suddenly united for this one thing. Rather, to capitalise on it. Pretty soon, he was sure there'd be t-shirts. And Luca would get himself one.

"Sir?"

It was the clerk. From the apologetic smile on her face, he knew they didn't have it.

"The book you asked for has been out of print for the last two years," she told him. "I'm sorry."

Gray shook his head. "That's okay. I was afraid this might happen."

"However, if you want, we could order a copy?" she offered. "Many unsold copies are given to other distributors and, since the author is a local, I'm confident _someone_ has a copy."

"That'd be great."

"If you could leave your name and number, sir, we'll get back to you as soon as we have news."

_That's that, _he thought as he turned away from the attendant and walked up to Luca. _Now we wait._

"Did you know they made comics about Auntie Erza's adventures?" Luca asked him, holding up a copy. _The Adventures of Titania _was a well-loved and rather famous title. Gray took it and flipped through it. "It's the seventh instalment in the series."

"Yeah, I know. They started making these when I was still there." He returned the book. "Her clothes have gotten skimpier over the years."

"Right? It's the only reason I don't buy 'em."

"Find anything else ya like?"

"Still looking. What about your book?"

Gray told him the long and short of it. Luca nodded. "They'll find you one."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure they will. Give 'em time."

* * *

It took some time – two weeks, to be precise – but Luca's words came true. The call came sometime after lunch, and Gray had to turn down the news to talk properly. No, he didn't mind that the copy was old and the pages were yellowed. No, he would not mind the discount. Yes, he knew that delivery charges were extra. Yes, three days was fine.

He hung up and turned up the radio again.

"…the Igmundsson Sea, where the 'Miraculous' will return with the scientists from all the camps. It's the twilight of summer in the southern hemisphere, and nobody is equipped to deal with the harsh winter. That is about to change as a result of this latest expedition, and we have joining us at this time, the leader of the expedition herself. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Erza Scarlet, coming to you live via radio from the South Pole. Miss Scarlet, thank you for your time."

"The pleasure is all mine."

Gray leaned in as soon as he heard her voice, arms folded on the table, smiling.

"First and foremost, Miss Scarlet, the world wants to know – how was your journey?"

A laugh. Sincere. Gray sighed in relief.

"All things considered, we had a good trip. The storms were nothing to scoff at. Our dragon slayers had a rough time, but we had trained for this. We made good time, and we plan on spending the morning unloading our cargo and helping the researchers load theirs. There are plans for a farewell barbecue on the ice sometime in the afternoon."

"It's been a month and a half since you set sail. Before that, you spent two years preparing. That's a long time to anticipate and imagine. Tell us, now that you're there, does the South Pole live up to what you expected it to be?"

"That… is a very good question." Gray nodded. On the radio, Erza stayed silent for a few seconds. "It is… difficult to describe. For training, we had to go to the North Pole and get acclimatised to sub-zero climates. But this is unlike anything we could have anticipated. If I walk out to the deck now, all I'll see is a carpet of white stretched out before me. The sea all around is littered with icebergs and floes. The dark blue peeks out sometimes. In the distance, you can roughly make out a great mountain range, the peaks glistening in the sunlight. It's a vast, _vast_ continent. Not even standing before Acnologia did I ever feel so humbled."

"What was it like when you first sighted the ice? Were you excited?"

"Oh, yes. I was very excited. I had trained for this for a long time, and it always feels good when your object is in sight."

It was a half hour segment and the last five minutes were for people who had called in to the programme to talk to Erza. Gray couldn't stop grinning when the first two callers proclaimed their love for her and wished her well in the same breath. He could clearly imagine the blush on her face from her stuttered responses. It was cute.

The third caller thanked her for her service and had a question about mapping the pole. Erza's reply was diplomatic, saying that she was there to do her job and she would map however much she could. He could tell from her tone that she wasn't satisfied and wanted to do more than her job. He knew that tone very well.

_Typical._

"And now for our last caller," said the host. "Tell us your name and where you're from, please."

"Yo, Auntie Erza! Does this thing work? Can you hear? This is Luca Brizzolera calling from Huldsborg, Isvan, and boy have I missed you!"

Gray stared at the radio for a long, long time. Erza, however, responded in a fraction of a second.

"Luca!" She sounded relieved and happy in equal measure. "It's so good to hear from you! How are you?"

"I'm great. Been waiting two hours on the line, though. Dude before me hadta go take a shower, I think, so here I am. How about you? How's everything? When're you coming back?"

Gray dragged his palm down his face.

"At least a year, Luca. Summer is ending here, and we have to sit through eight months of winter before we can even get started on our work. But I'll come see you as soon as we're done. And I'll bring you all the chocolates you can eat."

"Heh. Good. But stay safe, okay? Gray misses you somethin' terrible."

_Oh for fuck's sake._

"I will. You take care too, and watch over Gray. Tell him I miss him, too."

"Oh, he's listening right now."

"Ah, yes. He would be." A chuckle. "I hope you are well, Gray. Take care."

"Unfortunately, that's all the time we have," the host interrupted, sounding both amused and apologetic. "We want to be very respectful of all you have to do, Miss Scarlet, and we wish you all the luck."

"Thank you very much."

Gray switched the radio off and sat back. He felt the heat in his cheeks and cursed Luca under his breath. The brat had gone down to the village, saying he had a date. He made a note to beat the shit out of him the next time they sparred.

Still, it was good to hear her voice. Better yet hearing her say his name again. Nobody in Magnolia, at least, would have any doubt as to who this Gray person was, even if the tabloids made a huge deal out of it.

He stretched his back and got up to make some coffee. It was what kept him going through the day, most of the time. He had just brought out the beans when the phone rang. When he picked up, Luca pretty much shouted his ear off.

"Did'ja hear, did'ja hear?"

"Yes, Luca. I heard."

"She's worried about you! Innit cute? I think it's cute. Anyway, can you skid down here sometime soon-ish? There's a quest request here from-"

"Read it to me," he told the boy and put the phone on loudspeaker. This wasn't something that needed to stop his coffee making. "I'm all ears."

"Sure. Hold on a sec. 'To whom it may concern,' duh duh duh, blah blah blah. Oh, here we go. 'A dumbass lover boy can't tell the girl he really super-duper likes how he feels. Help.'"

Gray hung up.

* * *

The months started bleeding into one another, as they always did, and soon, summer was upon them. Gray woke up every day, grateful for the sun. That morning, Gray parted the heavy curtains and stood in the sunlight. It was four in the morning, but it looked like a crisp afternoon. As crisp as Isvali afternoons could get, anyway.

Although the light managed to lift his spirits, Gray wasn't totally at ease. Every day was a grim reminder that Erza and the others were spending their days in eternal darkness. They sometimes held radio interviews, letting the world know what they were doing to pass the time, and he made sure to tune in to every broadcast.

Most of his time, he spent thinking how they were doing. The broadcasts, he knew, were disingenuous. No nation would allow itself to look weak on live radio. Erza would never say that something was wrong. If anything, she would report to FT headquarters in Magnolia. For weeks, he'd contemplated calling Cana for the inside scoop but thought better of it. Still, he couldn't get the thought out of his head. He wasn't worried, though. If they had to pull out, they would have tried. Erza was not one for making her team suffer insurmountable odds.

_They're doing okay_, he told himself as he finished his morning workout. _I sure ass hope so._

He found Luca sitting at the table, flipping through a book when he came out of the gym room. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was the book about the North Pole. Luca had read it front to back at least thrice. It was the only book Gray had ever seen him read.

"You tryna memorise that, or what?"

"Hey, if I'ma follow your footsteps and go up there, I need facts and knowledge!"

Gray ruffled his hair as he passed. "Don't eat the pages."

"Hey!"

He quickly dealt with his morning toilet, bathed and shaved. As soon as Gray came out to make breakfast, Luca said, "D'you think there're dragons in the South Pole?"

"Dunno."

"What about, like, a lost city hidden under all the snow?"

"Dunno."

"Says here that the South Pole's an entire continent that's just frozen. Ya don't think there's any chance of lost civilisations and cultures and treasures and stuff?"

"Hmmm." Gray cracked the eggs for omelettes. "Dunno."

"You're no fun at all!"

Gray laughed. "Maybe you'll find one someday. If you're interested in the whole exploration gig."

"I am. I seriously am. Say, Gray. The author's a local, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't we get this book signed?"

"Like it that much, huh?"

"Yep. So, can we? Maybe contact the publisher or something?"

Sighing, Gray placed an omelette on a plate and served Luca. He took the book from the boy as Luca dug in and flipped over to the back. There, on the back flap of the dust jacket, was a short biographical piece about the authoress, along with a picture.

_Mika Simmons, a marine biologist, grew up in the aboriginal reservation of Ateh. After getting her degree, she moved to Bergstad as a full-time researcher. When not nose deep in science, she travels with her fiancé and stuffs her face with all kinds of food._

Beyond the North Wind _is her debut book._

The picture captured a youthful face — longish, dark brown hair curling around her chin, eyes half shut and nose crinkled from the huge smile she wore. She looked so happy that Gray had to smile. Getting published must have been a high point for her.

He was aware of Luca's chatter, but he heard it without really hearing it. Ever since its arrival, the books had hardly left Luca's grasp. This was the first time Gray had touched it.

"Mind if I read it?" he asked, interrupting whatever Luca was saying. "It's been years."

"Oh. Yeah, sure. But like I was saying-"

Gray sat across from him and tuned him out. He flipped through the book again. Then snapped it shut.

* * *

"I wish you would tell me in advance when you visit," Emilie said with a sigh. "I would have prepared something special."

The woman was sitting in a rocking chair in her front porch, feeding birds rice. She threw out the grains and they danced about the porch, plucking them up with their tiny beaks. Gray stood beside her, hands in pockets. He smiled.

"I don't come here to eat, you know."

"I wish you would. Where is the boy? Did you bring him?"

"No. It's his birthday. He's on a date." Gray hummed. "Might get up to some hanky-panky today, so I left him the house."

"Did you get him something?"

"Yeah. A book on how to have responsible sex and a box of condoms."

Emilie snorted. "Really?"

"No. I got him a book about Igmundsson's first polar expedition. Luca's been into that whole thing for a while. And a box of condoms."

Laughing quietly lest the birds fly off, Emilie shook her head. "Very generous. I'm glad you're so permissive."

"Ehh. You can't tell kids not to do something, especially if it's something that feels good. They'll always find a way. I'd rather he doesn't sneak around about it."

"Shouldn't you be with him? It _is _his birthday."

"We've never spent our birthdays together. It's an unspoken law, I guess. It's…" he sighed. "It's too much."

Emilie hummed, but said nothing. Gray shrugged off his backpack and carefully brought out _Beyond the North Wind. _He held it in front of the old woman.

"Here. Look what I found."

"A book? Wait, let me put on my glasses. My eyes aren't what they used to be…" she trailed off, setting the bowl of rice down on the floor. Her glasses hung from a lanyard that went around her neck. When she put them on, Emilie blinked a few times and squinted at the book. She read the title, then sighed and handed it back. "I have it in Isvali, you know. We were all very, very proud of her."

"Luca wants a signed copy."

"You haven't told him?"

Gray shook his head and stuffed the book back into his pack. "Not yet, but I will. It's about time. He's been driving me nuts about it for weeks."

"He can have mine."

"No. It's all right. He's just really excited about being an explorer right now."

"The polar excursion impressed him."

"Definitely. Plus, he's really fond of Erza. When someone you're close to does something inspiring, you can't help but be impressed, you know?"

"Mhmm. Charming girl. I've been following the news. They start working when it's summer for them?"

"Yeah. Funny how the world works, huh? Here, it's summer. There it's winter. It's simple – just a change of seasons, but it's so… amazing. I've seen magical miracles by the hundreds, but the natural world still stumps me at times."

Emilie chuckled and took off her glasses. She went back to feeding the birds. "Mika often said the same thing growing up. It's no surprise she had the courage to venture out." She glanced at Gray. "You should consider moving here. I don't like you living all by yourself on a mountaintop. You're a man, Gray. Not a dragon. You should be around people." A pause. "Your own people."

Gray took a deep breath. "You already know what I'll say."

"And you know I'll keep asking you because I don't want you to be alone."

"I know."

"And you shouldn't leave the boy alone, either. You should go back. The trouble of having only one other person living with you is that it's hard dealing with things when they're not around. It's not only _you_ I worry about."

Though he recognised the truth in Emilie's words, it annoyed Gray to have it pointed out to him. That he had no counter argument made it worse. He was merely Luca's teacher, not his father. Then again, both of his masters had always treated their students like their own children. Was it that he just hadn't developed that way?

"I'm retiring soon," Emilie filled the silence, throwing a handful of rice at the birds. Gray looked at her. "My eyes aren't getting any better, and my grandson is good enough to keep the business alive."

"Are you taking a managerial position, then?"

"You could say that." She laughed. "Nothing stays the same, Gray. I've made the most of my time. Will you?"

He hated that he had no answer. But he did let Emilie convince him to go back after lunch. It was bizarre, really. Back in Fiore, he'd kept his birthday completely under wraps. He wasn't very big on celebrations. Didn't stop the others from dragging him in, though. And he actually did have a good time, most of the time. Luca, ever since they'd moved, had been celebrating all the things worth celebrating either with the same people or all alone. The villagers in Huldsborg liked him well enough, but there really weren't many kids his age that he could bond with. Neither were there any other mages.

Gray blew a breath out of his nose. Perhaps he would have to consider Emilie's offer while putting Luca's needs first.

Evening had fallen by the time Gray made it up the slope. The house was dark. Had been for as long as it was in view. If Heidi _was _there with Luca…. well, it made sense for it to be dark. He stood in front of the door, unsure of how to handle it all. He didn't want to intrude upon their privacy, and he really had no excuse to be back.

In the end, he decided to make it up as he went along. Gray entered stealthily, trying to make the least noise possible. Unsurprisingly, the inside was dark and unlit. Surprisingly, all was quiet. He shut the door and stepped inside, ears strained, but the only noise he picked up on was the rustling of his own clothes.

_Hmmm._

The patio was empty. So were the rooms on the ground floor. All the while he searched, Gray heard nothing at all to indicate that Luca was even in the house. The boy's boots were on the shoe rack, so he hadn't gone outside. What _was _he doing?

Anxiety building, Gray silently started up the stairs to the attic. It was rare now that he made the pilgrimage to Luca's Lair, but he had to check.

He didn't have to go far, though, for he found the boy sitting on one of the steps, a blanket wrapped all around him and rocking to and fro. Gray stopped dead on the landing, perplexed at this odd sight. He hesitated, wanting to call out, but Luca noticed him before he could.

"You startled me," the boy said, his voice heavy. "Why're you back early?"

"What're _you_ doing?" Gray asked instead, cautiously. "Thought you'd be… celebrating."

"Oh, I am! I was pretending to be a ghost, haha!" A sniffle. "Y'know! Livin' it up!"

"Luca?" Gray took a step closer to the boy, and was slightly relieved when he didn't flinch away. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you're crying."

At that, Luca lowered his face and pinched his temples, hiding his eyes. He said nothing. Gray took a breath and set his backpack down. He went and sat down beside his student, who made no effort to disguise the tears rolling down his face.

Luca cried silently. He didn't sob or gasp or shudder. He sat and wiped his face, his breathing hitching from time to time, but stable otherwise. Gray sat with him and let him cry himself out. Once Luca calmed down enough, he took a few deep breaths and sat up straight. Gray hummed.

"Let's go down," he said. "Get some water. Yeah?"

With a nod, Luca pulled the blanket tighter around himself and stood. Gray picked up his backpack and led the boy to the kitchen table. When he was seated, Gray gave him a glass of water. Then another. Only when Luca had finished drinking did Gray pull up a chair and sit with him.

"What happened?" he asked.

Luca shrugged. "I miss Mom."

"Ahh." Gray nodded. There really wasn't much else he could do. "If you wanted me to stay-"

"No." Luca shook his head. "Gray, don't worry about it. I just need to be by myself to be sad sometimes. I'll be good in the morning."

It was such a mature response that Gray sat wondering what to even say to that. This kid, at sixteen, had double the emotional intelligence that he'd had at the same age. And _that, _Gray knew, was something that he hadn't taught.

"You miss her a lot?" he asked instead and Luca smiled slightly.

"On some days, yeah. My birthday, her birthday, her deathday. Some holidays. Y'know."

"Yeah. I do know." Gray sighed. "You spend all your birthdays like this?"

"Empty house. Might as well. Sorry you hadta see that, Gray. Didn't think you'd be back so early."

Gray waved it off. "You did nothing to apologise for. Honestly, I'm proud of you."

Luca raised an eyebrow. "For crying?"

"Yes." Gray sat silently for a moment, drumming his fingertips upon the tabletop and thinking how best to broach this topic. "I guess… everyone needs to feel sad. Ya can't escape it. Bottle it up, and you explode. Forgetting it is impossible, so the best way to do it is to let yourself grieve in a healthy manner, y'know?" He looked and found Luca nodding. "Ya gotta let it flow through you, hafta feel every bit of it before letting it go for good."

"I can't do that around you or Heidi. Mom used to say that the worst thing you can do to a sad person is to try to make them feel better. They deserve to feel bad. It's healthy, she said." He smiled and tipped his head at Gray. "Thanks for not trying to stop me."

Gray nodded, swallowing and clearing his throat. "Your mother was a very wise woman," he said fondly, reaching out and patting Luca on the head. He didn't resist. "And I think she'd be proud of how well you turned out. She did a good job raising you."

"You think so? You think she's proud?"

Looking at the boy's face, reading the guarded hope in his eyes, Gray couldn't bring himself to be patronising. Luca didn't need comfort. He needed truth. He wanted his teacher's honest opinion. So Gray gave him just that.

"I know _I_ am." He smiled. Then he reached into his backpack and brought out the book. Set it down in front of Luca. "I decided to go to the North Pole after I read this book."

"I do, too."

"I know." He paused. Stared down at the cover. "It was written by my mother."

Luca looked at him but didn't say anything. Gray took a deep breath.

"She was stationed at Bergstad. Researcher. Marine biologist. My dad was there as security, or so I'm told. To protect and look after the scientists. Then Deliora happened and that's that." He tapped the book. "_This_ is the only connection I have with her. I don't remember her, y'know. Not even her face. So I wanted to go to the North Pole. See what she had. Understand what made her tick a little bit."

"I understand."

"Yeah. And every year, on the anniversary of her death, I go to Bergstad. To our old house. Meditate, I guess." He paused. "You can't do that. I've taken you far, far away from where you belong and imprisoned you on top of a godforsaken mountain. Never gave you a chance to get proper closure."

"Gray-"

He raised his hand to stop Luca. "You deserve better, is what I'm saying. Just because I'm here and like it doesn't mean I have the right to make you go through the same thing."

"Would ya quit being a dumb-dumb for a moment?" Luca frowned. "Did I ever complain? Have I ever told you that I wanna get outta here? That I don't like it here?"

Gray shook his head.

"Exactly. That's because I don't _want _to go back, Gray. There is _nothing _to go back _to_." He clenched his fists on the table and took a deep breath. "I have a damn good life here. You, Heidi, everyone else. I have more here than I do there. This is the best mountain I've ever been on."

Gray didn't say anything. Luca leant back against the chair. Closed his eyes.

"I just wish I could travel more, is all. You were going all over the place, doing gods know what. I want that kinda adventure too."

"Hmmm." Gray marvelled at the boy, at a loss for words. Sometimes, he compared Luca's development to his own, and, every time, he felt satisfied in his inferiority. Maturity, wisdom, emotional intelligence — Luca had him beat on every count. He wanted to think that it was all his teaching, that he'd done a good job, but knew that wasn't the case. He smiled to himself. "Like I said, your mother did a good job raising you."

"I guess. Which is why I miss her."

"You know it's okay, right?" Luca opened his eyes. Looked at him. "You know it's okay to feel sad, but do you know it's okay for people you care about to see you cry? That you don't hafta keep it a secret and do it in hiding?"

"I dunno…" Luca shifted uneasily in his chair. "You've got enough going on. I don't want you to worry about this on top of everything else."

"And I appreciate it, but you gotta understand something." Gray grinned. "I'll worry about you even when you have a full beard. I'll worry when you have a wife and kids. And I'll worry when I'm old and grey." He got up and knelt before the boy. Took his hands in his. "I care. And I'll worry. And I want to be someone who you can count on when you feel this way. I know you're tired of hearing this, but I have been where you're at now. I might be able to help." He paused and nodded. "You're not alone. And you're not a burden. You ever hear me call you that?"

"No."

"Then stop being a dumb-dumb, yeah?"

Luca chuckled. "I can try, I guess. Gonna be weird though."

"Oh, it will be. But it'll also be worth it."

"On one condition, then?"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"That you count on me, too. It's unfair to ask me to do that if you're just gonna go and be sad on your own."

Gray snorted. _The cheek on this kid. _Not that he didn't have a point. Far from it. But still. It touched him that this would mean so much to Luca. Plus, Gray felt like he owed it to him. Set a better standard. A better example. How could he expect different when he himself didn't try it?

He squeezed the boy's hands in his own. Nodded and smiled.

"Deal," he promised.

* * *

"Okay, so the first thing you gotta remember when you're on top is that you have the advantage. As long as you're mounted, you can control the flow of the fight," Gray explained, with Luca seated on his stomach. "You have my hands pinned to my chest, you're gripping them by the pinky. I can't tear them away. It's a good hold. But there are drawbacks too. Can you tell me what they are?"

"Well, my hands are tied," Luca replied after some thought. "I can't offend you unless I change position."

"Very good. When it comes to ground and pound, position is everything. Just 'cause you're on top doesn't mean you'll stay there." Gray jerked up his hips and stomach, throwing Luca off balance and sending him sprawling forwards. Gray caught him. "Because you sat on my stomach, I can do that. Don't give me that chance. Sit on my chest." Luca nodded and did so. Gray jerked his hips up, but this time nobody was home. He grinned. "Now you're in a secure enough position. In a regular fight, you wouldn't have to worry about my hands because I don't have enough room to wind up and throw hammerfists or chops."

"Right."

"I can, however, do _this_."

Gray brought up a glowing palm, an ice dagger half-formed, and aimed it at Luca's throat. However, the boy, having his hands nearer to his face, beat him to it.

"Get there first," Luca said, holding the ice blade to Gray's throat. "Hitting first is better than hitting often. Remember?"

Laughing, Gray let his weapon melt and held up his hands. "Good job. You want to force a submission. Make them _accept _defeat willingly. Breaks their spirit to keep fighting."

"What if they don't wanna submit?" Luca asked, getting up and holding out his hand. "What if they're too stupid to see they've got no chance?"

"Then fuck 'em." Gray took Luca's hand and let the boy pull him up to a seated position. "Not your responsibility. You take 'em out and secure your own safety. That's the most important thing."

He could tell from Luca's silence that the boy didn't like that answer. _Tough shit, _Gray thought, pushing himself to his feet. _Can't save everybody._

"That's enough for today," he said, walking over to the bench, picking up a towel and throwing it at Luca. "Go, take a bath. I'll make food."

"Sure. See ya in a bit!"

The prospect of food always worked. Gray laughed. Then, towel slung over his shoulders, he walked into his room. Picked up his phone. Dialled in a number. A sappy caller tune greeted him and he held the phone between his cheek and shoulder, whisking a couple of eggs together. An old, operatic ballad. It'd been a long time since Gray had heard it, and he mouthed along silently to the lyrics.

A loud click cut the song short. Then: "It's four in the fucking morning, you stupid bastard."

Gray grinned. "'Sup, bitch? Sleeping?"

"Actually, no," Lyon replied. "I was watching the news. Is that what you called to talk about?"

"Huh? No. Why, what happened?"

"The South Pole crew have started work on the research station."

Gray stopped whisking. "What the fuck? It's dead ass in the middle of winter!"

"I know. Apparently, they held a vote. And now they're doing it." A chuckle. "Typical."

"Yeah. Typical, all right." Gray shook his head. "They send a transmission?"

"Coupla hours ago. Every news station has been calling them 'the Ice Brigade.' That, and 'the Chosen Frozen.' It's trending, apparently."

"Not surprised." Gray thought for a while. "You knew they'd do this, didn't you? You're one of their mission directors, right?"

"_One_ of," Lyon responded with a huff. "Wouldn't be doing this on _my _watch."

"You won't tell me if I ask who authorised this."

"No. But I think you don't have to guess more than once."

Gray sighed. Out on the field, it was the team leader's decision that mattered. Whoever was on the radio with them could only advise. If Erza had decided to speed things along, there was literally nothing anyone could do about it.

"You're right about that."

"I know. Anyway, if not that, what'd you call for?"

"It's about the kid." Gray chopped up some chillies, onions and tomatoes and mixed it with the eggs. "He needs some real-world experience."

"Uh-huh."

"Could you perhaps give him an internship or something? At Lamia Scale?"

A pause. "Not even considering anyone else, huh?"

"Nope. Plus, he's gotten really good with static ice make. In a few months, he'll have peaked. He needs experience now. Quests. Apply what he knows and make real-time decisions. Not much scope of that happening here."

"You talk it out with him? Ask him if he's ready to come back to Fiore?"

"We've spoken about it here and there. He's not entirely sure he wants to leave," Gray admitted. "But he can't just stay here. He's gotta go where the work is. See the world."

"Nah, I get it. Tell you what, whenever he's ready, I've got a spot waiting for him."

"Thanks. That's good to know."

"Anytime. Anyway, how're things with you? Still bent on being an ascetic?"

Gray laughed and fetched the bread. "Pretty much, yeah. Just makin' eggy toast. What about you? How's the wife?"

"It's good. Work keeps us away from each other a lot of the time, but, y'know." Gray could just picture Lyon shrugging. "We've been talking about starting a family."

"Wait, what?" Grinning, Gray put aside his utensils and held the phone properly. "Fuck off! Really?"

"Yeah. Just, y'know, nothing definite yet but we're thinking about it."

"Dude, that's a really big decision to make." He closed his eyes and nodded. "And I'm really proud of you. Both of you."

"Thanks, man. Coming from you, that really does mean a lot." Lyon cleared his throat. "So, is me having a kid what it's gonna take for you to get your ass down here again?"

"Heh. Maybe. Luca, turn on the radio for me?" Gray told the boy who had just come out of the bathroom. "Apparently Erza already started work on the research station."

"The fuck? But it's winter!"

"That's what I said." Gray chuckled. "Okay, Lyon. Imma let you go. Have fun with the TV. I have a kid to deal with now, so I'll talk to you later?"

"Absolutely. You guys have a good day, and don't pester Luca too much about leaving, yeah?"

"Will do. Bye." Gray disconnected the call and pocketed the phone. "Anything on the local news?"

"Just a summary," Luca replied, turning up the volume now that the call was over. "But still, I don't like this. They just had another month to go! Couldn't they have waited?"

"Well, it _is _Erza."

"Exactly why I'm worried." The boy looked at him. Caught his eye. "Aren't you?"

For a moment, Gray didn't reply. What would he say? He'd seen Erza pull off amazing feats in the face of extraordinary odds. Her tenacity when pursuing success was unnatural. But so was her impatience. This, however, bordered dangerously close to recklessness, not something he'd expect from a mature, level head like Erza.

Then again, he wasn't there. He didn't know the conditions first hand. Maybe it wasn't so bad. With Natsu, they could negate being cold pretty effectively. If they took breaks frequently, then maybe they could do some simple work. He hoped that was all they were doing. Having been at Fairy Tail, however, stopped him from being that optimistic.

So he glanced from Luca to the radio, the bringer of the news, and said, "I'm fuckin' terrified."


	7. Chapter 7

_It was a quiet night, and I would be all right if I could go on sleeping._

\- Eagles, "Best of My Love"

* * *

**7**

It didn't take long for Gray to realise that his fears were unfounded. Reports from the South Pole were always positive. More so when summer finally arrived.

It was late December when the first pictures of the crew in front of the semi-built research station made the rounds on the news. _That_ had been a treat. Wendy was almost as tall as Erza, who was holding up two fingers in a V. Natsu was squatting on the snow, holding up _two _victory signs. Never one to be outdone, that bastard. Lucy had taken the shot, for she wasn't in the frame. Unfortunate, because he was rather looking forward to seeing them all.

Gray, relieved that they had made it through the winter, stayed in a cocoon of happiness for weeks. News of the extraction voyage – bringing supplies and researchers with it – was announced and was underway by the New Year. All in all, things were looking up for the Chosen Frozen. They would be back home, having completed their mission, before mid-year.

At home, too, life was good. Luca's training was going well. He'd started trying his hand at dynamic ice make. So far, he could only make little birds, but Gray was proud. He wanted his pupil to have as many specialised tools as possible.

"You ever try to do any magic that's _not_ ice related?" Luca asked him one day when they had finished training. "Like, weren't you even curious?"

Gray looked from the boy to the snowy ground, trying to find his shirt. Magic training, they always did outdoors. And that meant losing his clothes sometimes. Plus, it being winter for him, the darkness didn't really help matters.

"I practiced teleportation for a time," he said off-handedly. "Ya seen my shirt anywhere?"

"You kept it with mine. Here." Gray turned just in time for his bundled up shirt to hit him in the face. "Is teleportation somethin' you're good at? Can you, like, teleport to the South Pole and back?"

"No, Luca. I'm not _that _good." He slipped on his shirt and started buttoning it up. "I know a really limited sorta teleportation called Marking and Recalling. My dad could do it."

"Yo, that sounds cool! Tell me more, tell me more!"

Shaking his head, Gray sat down on a nearby rock and rolled his shoulders. A path from the cottage wound up the mountainside to the very top, which was surprisingly flat. Like a circus ring. Or a bumpy, rocky arena. Good for training, but even better for horizon gazing. During the summer, Gray and Luca had a tradition whenever they practiced magic – watch the sunrise from the top of the mountain first. He missed that now.

"Y'know that teleportation's just a kinda spatial magic, right? Manipulating space? Like what Erza does?" Luca, sitting on a rock on the other side of the mountaintop, nodded. "Basically, this kinda teleportation is used to travel. What you do is, you place an anchor somewhere and teleport to it from wherever you are."

"Neat. How many anchors can you have?"

Gray held up one finger. "Only the most recent one will be active." He opened his fist and created a flat lump of ice. "Marking is the process of putting an anchor down. I do it by placing a rune on an object." He covered the ice chunk with his other hand and light erupted from between the gaps of his fingers. "Like this. There, look at that."

He tossed it to Luca, who caught it and turned it over. "Huh. Looks like a snowflake."

"Just my take on it. Now I want you to fling it up in the air."

"You sure?"

"Mhmm. Do it."

"Aight. If you say so…" Luca glanced at him and after seeing him nod, threw the chunk of ice straight up. Gray watched it sail up in a curve, waited until it got as far as it would go and then, just as it started its journey back down, he let the magic flow.

Immediately, he was transported to a realm he could never quite explain. It was claustrophobic, like being trapped in a potato sack, but he knew there was space all around him – more space than he could ever comprehend. Mixed with it was the feeling of freefalling through the sky, hurtling through the cosmic darkness faster than should be possible. Yet, something kept pulling back – like he was shot out of a cannon into a velveteen curtain which broke his speed. Not by much, but enough.

And then, he was _really_ falling.

The sting of the cold air made him open his eyes. He squinted, knowing that he was roughly 7 feet from the ground – not even a threat. Reflexively, he reached out and caught the Marked ice chunk. The rune felt warm against his palm and he threw it back to Luca after he landed on his feet.

"And _that's_ how it's done," he told the boy, smirking.

"Show-off!" Luca grinned ear to ear. "But that was cool! Ya gotta teach me that!"

"Ask me once you make a hummingbird."

"Oh, boo."

Part of Gray was happy that Luca was taking an active interest in things outside of his talent pool. If he was willing to learn new things, it would be easier for him to find a place in the world. But the other part regretted showing off, too. He _knew _Luca wouldn't shut up about it for weeks.

And he was right.

When asked to teach teleportation for the sixty-seventh time that day, Gray sighed, hands on his hips, and clicked his tongue.

"Has that become reflex for you?" he asked the unapologetic boy. "How many times can you keep asking?"

Luca, sitting on a chair, trying to make an ice bee flap its wings, laughed and kicked up his legs. "Oh, Gray, ya don't wanna challenge me to things like that. I'll record that question and blast it on loop."

Gray shivered and went back to cleaning the tabletop. "A goddamn terrorist is what you are." He paused. "Wait, don't you have a date?"

"Yeah."

"Why aren't you getting ready?"

"I _am_ ready. I just gotta slide on down to the village."

Gray rolled his eyes. "At least put some perfume on. You haven't changed clothes in two days." Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the boy lifting his arms and sniffing himself. "Girls can always tell."

A crease of worry appeared on Luca's forehead and Gray snickered silently.

"Can I borrow yours?" the boy asked eventually. "I like the smell. What is it?"

"_Flirt Fern,_" Gray replied. He put away the cleaning rag and threw Luca a smirk. "I'm not even making it up."

"Dude, that's awesome." Luca grinned. He got off the chair and stretched. "Where'd ya find it?"

"I didn't. It was a gift from Erza." He opened the fridge and took out a water bottle. "Coupla years ago."

"Wow. She gives you a perfume called _Flirt Fern_ and you _still_ can't take a hint?" Luca shook his head. "I feel bad for her."

"Uh-huh." Gray turned around, bottle to his lips. He reached out and ruffled Luca's hair with his free hand. "When's your date? It's almost 7 pm."

"Soon. We're gonna watch a movie at her place."

"Yeah? What movie?"

"_The Plateau of Passion._"

Gray successfully choked on his water. He bent over coughing and Luca stepped in and clapped him on the back, laughing all the while.

"God," he croaked, straightening, and put the bottle away. Sitting down heavily on the nearest chair, Gray frowned at his ward. "Condoms?"

"Jeez, not at her place, c'mon. Her mom lives there!"

Gray nodded to himself and drummed the table with his right hand. "Things with you two going well?"

"So far, yeah."

"You thinkin' it might last?"

"I hope so," Luca replied as he shrugged off his shirt and went into Gray's room. "But I don't think she's one for moving."

Gray nodded to himself. "And you don't wanna do long distance?"

"Nope." He heard the sound of perfume leaving the bottle. The scent hit him soon after. "Learnt my lesson watchin' you pine. I ain't got your will, Gray. I can't stay away like that."

"Well, here's hoping you don't have to," Gray muttered to himself. He sat there at the table, leaning his head back and staring up at the ceiling.

This was the closest he'd come to admitting out loud that he really did pine for Erza. He knew it was true. Knew well. But saying it was a big no-no. Saying it meant accepting it, and that meant opening up possibilities. Not really something he was equipped to handle. All he wanted was for her to come back safe and sound. If he got that, he'd be happy.

"Gray…?"

Cautious. Panicked. Shaky. Luca's voice communicated all three emotions at once, and Gray turned to look at him, surprised out of his thoughts.

The boy looked white as a sheet, standing at the doorway, the opened perfume bottle in one hand and the cap in the other. He pointed right at his chest.

"What're you doing?"

Gray furrowed his brows. "I'm not doi-"

But then he felt it. His fingers. Against his own throat. Sliding up from the hollow to the bulge, his fingers feeling cold even on his own skin. And yet, he couldn't even feel himself moving his right hand.

"Fetch the injection for me?" he said very calmly, trying to control his breathing.

Luca shot back into the room. Gray tried peering down his nose at his hand, knowing full well that he wouldn't like the sight.

He couldn't feel his hand move, wasn't even aware of flexing his arm muscles or moving his arm in any way. In fact, he couldn't even stop it. It felt like a betrayal. As if his body, the thing he trusted unconsciously, has shut off his access to one of his limbs. And it was terrifying.

But then he felt his fingers latch onto his throat and knew real panic.

Even as he tried to wrench away his right wrist with his left, even as he felt his palm crush his throat and his fingernails dig into the carotid arteries, even as he started kicking out with his legs in a futile attempt at lashing out at an assailant who wasn't there, Gray had to laugh.

_I'm killing myself, _he thought as his feet found the table and kicked, tipping the chair over. Gray fell back, hitting the back of his head against the maplewood floor. Whether from the impact or the strangulation, he didn't know, but the corners of his vision started darkening. He felt his left hand falling limp and knew that he had no chance to pull the murderous right hand away.

He lay on the chair, his legs pointing skywards, and choked out a chuckle.

_I'm choking the life out of myself, and it isn't even me!_

It was pretty hilarious, he thought.

But then he did feel his right arm peel away. The lack of pressure on his windpipe allowed him to breathe. He coughed, sucked in a painful, shuddering breath, and blinked furiously until his vision cleared.

When it did, he saw Luca standing over him, filling the injection with the medicine and panting. He turned and saw his right hand, clawing furiously at the air, pinned to the floor, Luca's foot on his wrist.

"Aight, injection's full." Luca tapped it gently. "Where's the vein?"

"Not enough time, just jam it into my heart."

"You sure?"

"Luca!"

The boy hesitated for a split second, then nodded. Gray watched him pensively as he knelt, placing his shin across his forearm to keep his hand at bay, and held the injection in a reverse grip.

"_Dio aiutami,_" he muttered, holding the syringe aloft like an axe, and brought it down swiftly onto his chest.

Gray shuddered, gasping. The shock from the needle penetrating his heart was negated by the pain of Luca's fist hammering into his sternum, and he coughed. He reflexively wanted to sit up, but as soon as Luca pushed the drug into his bloodstream, Gray felt a familiar lethargy sweep through him.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes, his chest heaving slowly. He could feel the injection sticking out of his chest, but he was too tired to care.

"Gray? You okay?"

Luca's worried voice came from directly over him. Gray couldn't open his eyes. Perhaps the boy had used a larger dose than necessary. Even so, he'd saved his life. Gray lifted his left hand with some difficulty and patted Luca's arm.

"Ffffiiinne," he slurred. "Sssllleeeepy."

"Heh. Okay, big guy, let's get you to bed."

Consciousness slipping away, Gray was mildly aware of Luca pulling him up to a seated position, looping his left arm around his neck, and getting him to his feet. Though mist clogged up his senses, Gray tried his best to make it easier on Luca. He tried not leaning too heavily, and carrying his own weight, but he didn't know if he was successful.

Before sleep overtook his senses, he was aware of hitting the bed, of a pillow under his head and a blanket over his body. He tried to pull the syringe off his chest but neither of his arms agreed to move. Luca was saying... something, but he couldn't understand a word. It all sounded like garbled static from the radio.

The weirdest dreams always came to him when he was under the influence of the drug. Transparent dragons, falling from the sky, talking snakes with red hair. The weirdest shit. He never remembered the whole thing when he woke up, which he counted as a blessing.

And as he woke up from his stupor, he had no idea what had happened to put him to sleep in the first place. He lay in bed for a while, wondering why he felt so abnormally light-headed. It didn't even feel like he had it in him to sit up.

Instead, Gray turned his head to the left. The face of his clock read 4:18 AM. He stared at the second hand, listening to the tick-tock. Something about that continuous, non-stop mechanical labour made him conscious of the need to get up.

_If a clock can keep going, I can, too, _he told himself and pushed himself up_._ _Then again, it's got batteries_. _I don't_.

"Wish _I_ had batteries," he muttered and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. He sat there, elbows on his thighs, and rubbed his face.

If it was 4:18, he'd gotten up late. He sighed and took the little alarm clock in his hand. Found that the alarm hadn't been set the previous night.

_Huh._

Rising to his feet, Gray felt wobbly. He steadied himself against the wall and, immediately, moments from last evening flashed behind his eyelids. He gasped, fingers curling but finding no purchase on the smooth wall.

_I almost killed myself, _he thought, resting his forehead against the wall. _Had it not been for Luca... _

He was unquantifiably grateful to the boy, though he knew that it was just good fortune that he hadn't left on his date already.

_I wonder what he woulda done if he came home and found me dead. _He didn't like where his mind was going, but he could never control his thoughts. _What if I attack him someday? _

_No. No._

_But what if I end up killing him? It'd be my fault! _

_Stop thinking about that._

_It'd be my fault for being unable to control myself, my fault for making him stay with me despite knowing how unstable I am. I should send him away. I can't be around people. I shouldn't be around people._

_Please. Please stop thinking._

_I can't! I fucking can't!_

"God!" Gray bellowed, pulling his right fist back and punching the wall full force. "Damn!" Again. "It!" And again. "Fuck!" And again.

He struck the wall until his knuckles bled, punishing his hand for its unnatural disobedience. He would've kept doing it if Luca hadn't stepped and caught his wrist.

"Whoa, whoa, dude, stop, you'll break your hand!"

"Maybe I should," Gray replied bitterly, ripping his hand out of Luca's grip. "Maybe _then_ I won't hafta worry."

He turned away from the wall, away from Luca now standing limply and unsure of what to say, and faced the bed. His knuckles stung, but it helped distract himself from his thoughts. Pain was good for that.

"Hey," Luca began.

"What?"

"It wasn't your fault."

Gray barked out a laugh and covered his face with his left hand. Pinched his eyes. He didn't say anything.

"I'm serious. This ain't something you can control. I know it's hard-"

"I feel like a god damn ticking time bomb," Gray interrupted, letting his hands fall limp by his side. "It's like I'm waiting for shit to happen. I mean, who's next? You? Heidi? Fuckin' Peter? Erza?" He shook his head and sighed, realising that his voice had been rising with every name. "I just... I dunno if I can keep doin' this. To you, _and _to myself. Because _fuck knows I don't deserve it._"

Verbalising what he did and didn't deserve was difficult. Saying that he deserved better infinitely more so. He'd wondered many times, always stopping on that one question nobody had the answer to.

_Why me?_

"You don't. You really don't." He felt Luca's hand on his shoulder. Felt him squeeze. "I dunno how you do it either, but you do a damn good job of being my teacher. Now, I know that I'm not always the best-" Gray scoffed, "-but you're one of two people who I want to be proud of me."

Luca waited for a reply, but Gray said nothing. So he twined his arms around Gray's torso. Placed his cheek against his back.

"You gave me a _life_," he said, voice wavering. "You did, when nobody else did. You sacrifice day in and day out for me, you prepared me for the world. You think you can just train me and send me out there and then die alone on this fuckin' mountain? You're wrong. I worry about you, Heidi worries about you, and we'll always be around to take care of you no matter how much of a risk you think you are to others. Or yourself."

Gray tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He tasted the salty tang of his tears on the corner of his lips, but didn't bother wiping them away.

"You're not allowed to give up on yourself before every other person in your life has given up on you. And even if they all do, even if Auntie Erza does, I won't. You still have to teach me teleportation, so don't you even dare think about giving up because life throws you some bullshit." Luca paused. When he spoke next, his voice was steadier. More solid. "You gotta fight. You gotta fight with everything you got to make sure people don't give up on you. You gotta fight like a madman to make sure you_ have _people left to disappoint. You're an adult, so you might think you've got nothing left to prove, but you do! You gotta prove to me, to Heidi, Auntie Erza, and to yourself, that you're worth it. And you can't make them believe unless you believe in yourself, either. You gotta accept that it's not your fault, this thing you live with, and that it doesn't reduce your value to us, or any other bullshit like that. Because I can't take being alone again. I can't, Gray, I can't."

"Stop," Gray said softly and turned around, putting his arms around the boy's shoulders and pulling him close. "Stop, you silly kid." He brushed Luca's hair and pressed his lips to the boy's crown. "You're not alone. You never will be."

Luca nodded against his chest. "What about you?"

Gray hesitated. He knew that what Luca has told him was right. Undoubtedly. But making a promise, a declaration like that... it always gave him pause.

"I'm tired of disappointing others," he said finally. "I'm just... tired in general." He kissed Luca's head again. "But for you, I'll keep fighting. Still gotta see you become a full-fledged mage. Get married." Luca snorted. "Have kids."

"Dude, chill, I'm still seventeen."

"All I wanna say is that I really don't see the point sometimes," he told Luca, pulling away and holding him at a distance. "It's really hard to. I don't see myself the way you do. I don't owe it to myself." He tried smiling. Half succeeded. "But I love you, and I don't wanna hurt you, either. So I'll try. Try to be worthy of all that faith you have in me. I really don't wanna disappoint you either."

Instead of replying, Luca swallowed him up in a bear hug. Gray chuckled silently, stroking the boy's hair.

It was true. He didn't deserve all the bullshit he got. But being frustrated about it wouldn't change that. _He_ would have to put in the effort to _make_ things change.

"I'll try," he repeated softly and closed his eyes. "Things'll be better."

He hoped, anyway. And besides, trying never hurt.

* * *

It was announced on February 14th that the Chosen Frozen had completed construction of the research station. Fireworks went off all over Fiore and, indeed, the world. Hisui was the one to break the news in an impromptu conference, where she gave an impassioned speech about the heights Fiore had reached, and how their legacy of superiority had been cemented.

It was a good speech, and Gray was sure she would keep people invested in and loyal to the royal family for a while longer, but he wasn't satisfied. Not until a video was released on the news, where Erza and Wendy showed the viewers around the station. They explored every room, went over what every piece of equipment did, and some funny stories about construction.

_She looks well_, Gray thought as he watched the video for the tenth time that day. He wished it was longer – seven minutes wasn't nearly enough. He really couldn't make out whether she was eating properly. It was hard to see whether she'd lost weight through all the parkas.

All morning, on the way to Ateh, he wondered when Erza would be on the radio again. It was a given that it would happen soon, but he just couldn't wait. He wanted to hear her voice, hear her pride and happiness upon completing such a monumental task. Even while there, as everybody around him celebrated, as Luca waltzed around with Heidi, Gray stayed away from the hustle and bustle.

The town square had come alive with lights – they were all celebrating the fact that this great feat had been achieved by adventurers wearing _their_ traditional parkas, made by one of them. It was a huge source of pride and the town would no doubt get a crap load of publicity, but Gray couldn't bring himself to care.

He walked down the main thoroughfare, listening to the waves crashing in the distance. The darkness permeated every sphere of life, hanging heavily over everyone. It was mid-afternoon, but he didn't feel it. There was no sign of even a sliver of sunlight. None whatsoever.

"The party is the other way," a voice called out, and Gray had to laugh. He looked up and saw Emilie sitting on a rocking chair on the front porch, silhouetted against the bright yellow light escaping her open doorframe. She had knitting needles in her hand, and a boll of orange wool on the ground beside her chair. She held up her creation. "Sweater for my granddaughter."

Chuckling, Gray took a left and walked up to her. "Keeping your skills alive, huh?"

"If retirement has given me anything, it's time." She placed the knitting needles on her skirt and took his outstretched hand. Shook it. "Why aren't you having fun?"

"I'm a grumpy old man and this is too much noise."

"Mmm. I see Luca brought his girlfriend with him."

"Yeah." Gray shrugged. "I suggested it. Be good for both of them if they travel together a little bit."

The old woman nodded. "Good. I'm glad. He needs his own life."

"I've been trying to convince him to leave," Gray confessed, earning a curious glance from Emilie. "Not trying to drive him out or anything. Not like that. I was trying to get him to go back to Fiore. Apprentice at one of the guilds. Get a wider range of experience and figure out what he wants to do in life."

"And? Is he of the same mind?"

"Yes and no. He sees the point and definitely agrees that it'll be good for him." Gray paused. "But he doesn't want to leave just yet. Maybe in a couple of years."

Emilie nodded again and picked up her knitting needles. "Good. I hope by then you'll figure out what you want, too."

Gray narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Instead of replying, Emilie laughed and shook her head. "Are you proud of your friends, Gray?"

Though he squinted at her ferociously, Emilie was not forthcoming about her previous statement. Eventually, Gray sighed and crossed his hands over his chest.

"I guess I am. They've done something nobody has. Heh. Then again, I'm not surprised. It's kind of their hobby at this point."

"Do you miss being with them?"

"Nah," he replied instantly. "I've made peace with the fact that my gallivanting days are done. I don't want to have to go back to that. Adventure for adventure's sake, I miss, but I can do that by myself. Chasing glory, I'm tired of."

"You sure you don't want to get rid of the boy so you can turn into a drifting adventurer?"

"You see right through me, huh?" Gray laughed. "No. I like my mountain. I like this place. I might take holidays once in a while, but I'm always coming back."

"Holidays, hmm?" Emilie raised an eyebrow. "To Fiore? See your pretty red-haired friend?"

Gray narrowed his lids again, but Emilie remained unperturbed.

"All I'm saying is that you should go see her, too, once in a while. Everyone gets tired eventually if they are the one making all the effort." She smiled to herself. "She would like that, I'm sure. You should go visit once they're back home."

Gray shrugged. "I might. We'll see what happens."

"When do they get back? Have you any idea?"

"Hard to tell. Ship'll take another week to reach them, and that's an optimistic estimate." He silently did the maths. "In another month, hopefully. One more month, and they'll be back. They're cutting it close enough as it is."

"Well, you're a charismatic fellow. I'm sure you can convince the boy to take a trip to Fiore in a month. It'll be good for him." A pause. "But since he lacks in experience, it would be unwise for him to go alone. I suppose it can't be helped." She sighed. "It is your duty as his guardian to accompany him."

"You are one scheming old lady, you know that?"

"I'm retired. I have a lot of time to plot."

"Yeah, well, I won't have to convince Luca." Gray sighed and pocketed his hands. "He's gonna be pestering me to take him as soon as they dock. Speaking of which, I should go fetch them. It's almost dinner time."

"Let him dance a little longer," the old seamstress insisted. "He's young yet. At his age, I wouldn't want to be interrupted if I were dancing with my sweetheart." She smiled up at him. "Wouldn't you agree, Gray?"

Smiling in return, Gray looked back towards the town square. He could make out Luca and Heidi in the centre, grinning broadly at each other, dancing to the clapping and serenading of the tribesmen. They looked so lost in the moment, in each other, completely ignoring the cold and the sweat and the hooting, that Gray couldn't help but feel a pulse of jealousy thrum down his body.

He thought back to a long ago conversation on a balcony overlooking lights similar to what he was seeing now. He remembered her words. Hushed words, carried away by the wind. Sadness felt, but left unremarked upon. Time wasted, unseized. Words left, unspoken.

A lifetime, unlived.

"Yeah," he answered after a while, not looking away from the scene, trying to keep his smile from falling. "I wouldn't, either."

* * *

"Here you are! Dinner is served!" Heidi placed the plate of potatoes before him and joined them at the table. "Caramelised potatoes to go with the roast lamb."

"You're a godsend," Luca told her, blowing her a kiss across the table. "Isn't she a godsend, Gray?"

"Uh-huh." Gray started carving the shoulder of the lamb and filling his plate. "Heidi, why don't you teach him how to cook like you?"

"I try," the girl replied, waiting until he was done before helping herself. "And I _have_! It'll take him time, but I'm sure he'll be a good cook! He'll need to practice, though."

"Aww!" Luca blew her another kiss. "Anything for you, babe."

"_Luca_!"

Her scandalised squeak made Gray snort. "Tell him you won't kiss him until he masters a recipe. That'll get him working overtime."

"_Master Gray_!"

Gray reached out and ruffled her hair. "You're adorable." Then he scowled at Luca. "Don't you dare corrupt her. I'll personally thump you."

"Wow. I expected the 'Don't hurt my daughter' speech from her father. Not you." Luca fed himself a spoonful of potato. "Shouldn't you be protective of _me _instead?"

"Why? I know you're a dumbass. Adelheid is too pure for you. You are besmirching her reputation."

"Hey, don't use up all your big words, man. You ain't got enough."

Heidi chuckled and shook her head. "It's okay. I think his stupidity is cute most of the time."

"See?" Luca smirked at Gray. "She thinks I'm cute." Then he blew her another kiss. "Thanks, babe."

Gray rolled his eyes. "You're too stupid to realise that what she meant was: 'If you don't get your shit sorted by the time you're twenty, I'm dumping your ass in the snow.'"

"Whaaaat?! Heidi, say it ain't so!"

Seed of discord planted, Gray happily concentrated on the potatoes. Heidi had been coming over to cook at nights ever since Valentine's Day. Not that Gray minded. Seeing the two get more and more serious was pretty cute. He found their interactions fun to watch – when their youth wasn't making him feel old or jealous.

Despite that, he was pretty sure Luca and Heidi would stick it out and get married – one of the very few teenage sweethearts who made it last. They were at that age where they could plan their futures together and take the small, micro steps in that direction. Gray wanted them to talk about how they'd deal with distance if and when Luca decided to travel or take an internship somewhere. He would've brought it up, but the sound of his phone ringing in his room caught his attention.

"Be right back," he said, getting up. "No playing footsie under the table, kids."

"_Master Gray_!"

"Hey! That's a great idea! I'll go first!"

"_Luca_!"

Smirking inwardly, Gray clawed up the phone from his bed before the call disconnected, saw that it was Lyon, and received it. "'Sup, bitch?"

"Having dinner?"

He sounded a little tense. Gray hummed. "Yeah. What's up?"

"Turn on the news."

Gray's stomach turned immediately. "Lyon? What happened?"

"Just... turn it on."

"Uh-huh." Gray strode back into the kitchen. Both Luca and Heidi looked up at him when he went past the table, but he didn't react. "Any channel in particular?"

"Any one will do."

_Big news, then_. Either that was a very good thing, or a very bad one. Hoping it was the former, Gray set the frequency to his favourite news channel and clicked the radio on.

"-unconfirmed reports of the capsizing of the 'Nebula' have been flooding in since this afternoon. The 'Nebula'was the vessel tasked with extracting the Chosen Frozen from the South Pole in two weeks-"

Gray heard a couple of gasps in quick succession. He didn't look back at them. All he did was turn the knob and go to a different channel.

"-the cause of the sinking cannot yet be determined, but footage captured by several of the survivors do confirm that the ship is, indeed, lost. The captain-"

_Click._

"-unknown at this time what this means for the Chosen Frozen. Our correspondent in Magnolia, Fiore, tried to contact the Guild Master of Fairy Tail, Laxus Dreyar, but he is not answering his-"

_Click_.

"-of Fiore, Hisui E. Fiore, has issued a press conference at Mercurius. It is to commence in twenty minutes. We will-"

Gray clicked off the radio when he heard Heidi stifle a sob. He placed a hand on the counter and leant forward, his mind racing too fast for him to properly digest the news.

"You still there?" Lyon said in his ear and Gray jerked up, straightening.

"Yeah, I'm here," he replied, as calmly as he could. "Listen, Imma call you back, okay?"

"Okay."

He immediately dialled another number. Turning around, he saw Heidi sitting with her hands covering her mouth, eyes wide. Luca sat by her side with an arm around her shoulder. He looked at him while rubbing her shoulder. The question on his drawn face was apparent: _What now?_

There was no answer. Neither for Luca, nor to the call. When it disconnected, Gray dialled again. Then again. And again.

Finally, on the sixth try, Cana picked up.

"Gray." She sounded exhausted. Her voice broke instantly. "Oh God, _Gray_."

"Is Laxus there?" Gray asked. He wished he could stop. He wished he could offer her some kind words, some reassurance. But his mind was bent on action. "I needta talk to him."

"Yeah. Hold on." The clip-clop of boots. "Laxus? Laxus. It's Gray." A pause. A very heavy breath, akin to a sigh.

Then: "I wanted the next time I spoke to you to not be under circumstances like these." Another, heavier sigh. "What can I do for you, Gray?"

Gray closed his eyes. Squeezed the phone tight, squeezed until he was afraid it would break. Then he took a deep breath.

"I want a ship," he replied. "You have three days. I'm bringing them back with me."


	8. Chapter 8

_I'm going back in time and it's a sweet dream._

\- Eagles, "Best of My Love"

* * *

**8**

"I'm going with you, right?"

Gray, stuffing clothes into a rucksack, didn't even spare Luca a glance. "Absolutely not."

"But why not?"

"Too dangerous. You're not prepared to deal with something like that."

"How do you expect me to be prepared if you won't give me a chance to experience!" When Gray didn't respond, Luca leaned in and grabbed his hands. "Hey. Look at me."

Gray, however, was _not _in the mood for these games. "Luca, move your hands. I need to pack."

"Y'know what, screw you, okay? If you're going, I'm coming with you. You wanted me to get world experience? Well, this is just that!"

"It's _Fairy Tail_," Gray sighed angrily. "You really wanna save them?"

"I don't give a fuck _who_ they are." Luca returned. "I love Auntie Erza, and if I can do even _one thing _to help her, then I _will _do it. You're not the only one affected by this, Gray."

Gray glared at Luca, but the boy didn't back down. If anything, his stance solidified.

"I haven't forgiven Fairy Tail," Luca told him, his usually pleasant tone coloured by muffled fury. "But I don't have to in order to save them. They're _people_ and _you_ taught me to look past hatred." He glanced at him. "Right?"

Gray looked down at the rucksack. At all the items strewn about the bed, waiting to be packed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Let a few moments pass. Exhaled. Placed his hands on his hips and relaxed his shoulders.

"Besides, if I'm gonna do an internship, I'd much rather do it with you." Luca sounded calmer. _Probably doing breathing exercises too. _"I _want_ it to be with you. Show you that you didn't make a mistake taking me on as a student. And I wanna save Auntie Erza. _And_ see the world a bit." A chuckle. "Bound to look good on the résumé, too."

Gray snorted and shook his head, but didn't say anything.

Luca went on: "Besides, going alone to the South Pole is madness. Two ice mages stand a better chance than one."

"Okay, here's a lesson." Gray pointed at Luca. "Know when to stop selling. Overselling turns the customer off."

"When did _you_ turn into an ad agency?"

"You'll hafta be, as well. Soon as you make the news, you'll be your own brand. I'll hafta teach you how to talk to the media." Gray sighed. "God damn it."

"Sooooo...?"

"Luca, you have no polar experience. Screw that, you have no experience with high stakes situations in general. Jumping into the deep end is _not _the best way to learn." Luca frowned. Gray sighed again. "But-"

"Oh, fuck yes."

"If you really wanna do this, you do what I say, when I say it, _exactly_ how I say it. We'll be a two-man team, but it's not an equal partnership. You're learning on the job, and that pushes you pretty close to being a liability. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir. All I can promise is that I'll follow whatever you say if you give me a chance."

Gray nodded. "I want your ass packed in..." He glanced at the clock. 3:43 AM. "Fifteen minutes."

Luca was already running out of the room. "You got it, boss!"

"Don't forget to pack sunglasses and sunscreen!" Gray called after Luca but he was halfway up the stairs by then. "Fuckin' kid."

Ever since the news of the 'Nebula' sinking last night, neither Gray nor Luca had slept a wink. He'd told the boy to take Heidi home, and then spent about an hour on the phone with Laxus. Logistics, strategy, equipment, the whole thing. After that, he'd booked train tickets from Nyborg to Hargeon.

_I'll have to update that, _he thought to himself as he picked up the phone. _Wonder how much they'll ask for another reservation._

The answer was not much. Aware of his reputation and the reasons for his journey, the railway people were ready and willing to accommodate. By the time he was done with that, Luca had brought down his rucksack from upstairs.

"So what's the plan?" he asked.

Gray glanced at the boy and resumed his packing. "We go straight to Hargeon town, board a ship they're gonna prepare, and set sail for the Pole."

"That simple, huh?"

"That simple. We don't have to carry much of anything 'cause we can just make most of what we need. Specialised equipment will be waiting for us at Hargeon. Theodolites, tents, whatever."

"What's a theodolite?"

"I'll explain on the way." Gray straightened. "If you're done packing, go down to the village and talk to Heidi."

"Oh yeah." Luca's face fell slightly. "Right."

"Didn't think about that?"

The boy shook his head and hefted his pack. "See you down there?"

"Yeah. In a few."

The boy left, the melancholy air following him. Gray sighed deeply after he heard the front door close.

It had been a busy few hours. With everything happening so quickly, Gray hadn't had the time to stop and consider what it was that he was trying to do, what he was undertaking.

_Holy shit, _he thought. _I'm actually leaving._

He looked around his room, then stepped out into the kitchen. Stood in the middle and looked about the cabin. In all his years of living in it, he could remember one, maybe two instances where he hadn't slept in his own bed. The thought made him laugh. He had gotten used to the one thing he had never really had before. What with the constant moving around and adventuring, he'd never been able to sleep in a single bed for more than a week. Now, getting attached to an entire house seemed pretty strange to him.

Despite that, he went all over the place, making sure all the doors and windows were shut and locked. He made sure the stove was off, all the lights were off, and finally went out onto the patio.

Had it been summer, he might have been able to see the sun rise right about now. Erza had never seen a sunrise from his patio before. That really couldn't stand.

"Soon," he promised nobody in particular, his gaze cast towards the mountains. "Soon."

A very long time ago, long before everything went to shit, he had embarked on a similar, single-minded journey to bring Erza back. Back then, things were different. So, so much had happened since, but he found that his emotions surrounding her remained unchanged. It was a good feeling. A rock in turbulent times.

When he left the house about twenty minutes later, he knew the town would be well awake. If they hadn't heard yet, they would hear now. He didn't want to linger long enough for them to ask him, but he _did _want to give Luca enough time to say his farewells properly. When he reached the inn, he found them both locked in an embrace, neither saying a word. They held each other and swayed with the wind. Gray didn't let his eyes linger. Though they were out in the open, some things were too pure and intimate to look upon.

Helgi offered him a rueful smile as soon as he walked in. "I hear you're taking a trip."

"You heard right." Gray smiled back. "You have good ears."

"Got time for a coffee?"

"Always."

She didn't keep him waiting. As soon as Gray sat, Helgi placed a steaming mug before him. "We made some food for you boys. For the train."

"You're a marvel, both of you." He chuckled and sipped his coffee. Nodded. "Good stuff, as always."

"Luca had some breakfast. Will you eat something?"

Gray held up the mug. "This'll do. I'll get something on the train." He set the mug down, reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his house keys. Placed them on the counter. "Take care of it for me?"

"You don't have to ask," Helgi replied, taking them.

"Much appreciated." He sipped again, finishing the mug halfway. "Do you think Heidi will be okay?"

"I think so. I didn't raise a weak daughter. She'll wait." There was no small amount of pride in Helgi's voice. "Just come back safely, you two."

Gray tapped the countertop twice, finished his coffee and stood up. He started reaching for his wallet, but Helgi shook her head.

"Not enough time. If you want to catch the 5:20 train, you should be on your way."

Gray laughed aloud. "Put it on my tab, then."

"It's on the house." She grinned. "Go, get your wife back."

"It's not-"

"Get going, or you'll miss your train."

Sighing good-naturedly, Gray came out of the inn already moulding his magic. Eight magical circles appeared in the middle of the snow-covered road, and soon they materialised into a sleigh and seven ice dogs, all harnessed and ready to go.

Gray placed his rucksack in the sleigh and hopped in, picking up the reins. He looked back at where Luca was – he didn't want to interrupt, but they _did_ need to get going – and saw the boy finish up what seemed like a very long kiss. He followed it up with a quicker one to Heidi's forehead, whispered something that made her smile, and turned and ran towards the sleigh.

"Okay," Luca said, settling in and waving back at Heidi. "Rock and roll."

"You're way too smooth at seventeen..." Gray muttered under his breath and made the dogs go. To his surprise, Luca didn't speak a single word on the way. Not even while they were waiting for the train. It was only when he'd taken his seat did he open his mouth again.

"Guess we're on our way, huh?" he remarked as the train started pulling away from the station.

Gray put his and Luca's rucksacks on the overhead luggage rack and sat down across from the boy. He'd requested a private coupé and the railway had delivered. He hadn't been in the mood to speak to other passengers and answer their inane questions.

"Yeah," he replied, taking off his boots. "Feels weird, huh?"

"You said it." Luca didn't look away from the window. "This is pretty cool."

Luca hadn't been on a train in at least five years. Not since they'd made the long trip from Fiore to Isvan. Now, going back under these circumstances... Gray wasn't sure Luca had thought the consequences through.

"When you're tired of watching the scenery, you should lie down." Gray swung his feet onto the bench and lay down, folding his left hand behind his head and covered his eyes with his right. "You've been up all night. You'll need some shut-eye."

"It's okay. I'm good."

Gray closed his eyes.

_Won't be for long, kid._

* * *

"_Nome?_"

"Gray Fullbuster."

The passport clerk huffed dismissively. "_Scopo della visita?_"

Gray sighed. "_Lavoro_."

"Uh-huh." The man glanced over his unruly appearance, his heavy rucksack, and handed back his passport after stamping it before calling over Luca. "_Nome_?"

"Luca Arturo Guiseppe Giovanni Benedetto Pietro Archangelo Alfredo Brizzolera da Magnolia," he replied with a bright grin and held out his hand. "_Piacere_!"

Gray moved through the gate. Luca could charm his way through the crabbiest of passport officers. There was no point in worrying about him. What he _was _worried about was getting to the train on time.

_But I'll hafta _find_ the goddamn thing first._

If there was one dominating factor about Fiorian train stations, it was the volume at which people spoke. _Everyone_ was loud, as if having a life or death conversation. That, alongside the inherent chaos of Fiorians, made him miss Isvali efficiency already.

He glanced back to make sure Luca had come through no problem. Found the boy bounding towards him. _Good. _Then he checked his wristwatch. Five minutes until scheduled departure._ Not so good. _He listened for the announcements, but the loudspeakers were busy with other trains at the moment.

In his desperation, he stopped the first person he could – a middle-aged blonde woman. With an apologetic smile, he asked whether she knew where the train to Hargeon town was. To his happiness, she nodded and pointed.

"Platform 15 for the local connections," she told him.

"Okay, good. Luca, platform 15, run!" He waved at the woman as he started running, too. "_Grazie_ _molto, signorina_!"

"Man! You can't stop talking in Fiorian once you start, huh?" Luca asked as they leapt over luggage piles and dribbled around slow moving folks. "You still got it!"

Too winded to speak, Gray focused his energy on not tripping and falling. As they shot into the platform, the guard blew his whistle and the engine let loose a wail worthy of a banshee and started chuffing out of the station.

"Hey!" Luca pointed at the engine. "Stop that train!"

"Just," Gray panted. The straps of the rucksack dug into his shoulders painfully. "Just jump on!"

Several heads poked out the windows now, shouting encouragement at them. Some people started leaning out of the gates and holding out their hand. Even the station porters stopped and cheered them on.

_I forgot just how much they revel in chaos!_

Luca jumped for it. He latched onto one of the waiting hands and the man handily pulled him aboard. Gray followed suit, grabbing a handle first and putting one foot on the steps. He lifted the other and let the train whisk him away.

As he hung there, half in and half out, a cheer went up along the train _and_ the platform. Everyone was either clapping or whistling – the helpful man who'd pulled Luca aboard slapped his shoulder good-naturedly and congratulated him. Gray grunted in response. He didn't have much energy left after an eighteen hour train ride.

Thankfully, first-class coupés served food, and Gray and Luca made the most of it. A waiter from the pantry car delivered their orders in under a half hour and they ate in silence, ravenous. Helgi and Heidi's food had lasted them through the day, but tasting Fiorian food on Fiorian soil after five years or so felt... different.

"This train food ain't bad, huh?" Luca forced out through a full mouth.

"Anyone can make pizza."

"You can't."

"I'm not a Fiore native. You are. It's in your veins. Your genetic inheritance is diluted pizza and pasta."

"I dunno if that's racist, but that is a damn good inheritance if you ask me." Luca parted the drapes and looked out of the windows. "Damn. You can't see a thing."

"It's almost eleven at night. Whaddaya expect?"

"Be cool to see an actual sunrise tomorrow," Luca chuckled. "When do we reach Magnolia?"

Hargeon was the next station after Magnolia. They were scheduled to get off at about eight in the evening. Gray thought about it. "Maybe around six or so."

"Cool. There should still be some sun, then." Luca smiled out at the darkness. "Can't wait."

Gray glanced at him, but said nothing. After they were done eating, Luca called Heidi from Gray's phone and went out onto the corridor to talk. They spoke for a while. Gray didn't keep track. He followed Luca's example and stared out of the window, watching a random light post or signal or town momentarily rip apart the dark curtain of night.

He sat there, staring and thinking, long after Luca went to sleep. Sitting through a train journey had a strange, hypnotic effect on him. Gray didn't know what it was, whether it was the constant movement or the velocity with which the scenery went by. But he knew it to be true. It made it easier to think. Easier to lose oneself.

Five years ago, he had made the same journey in reverse. He'd left with a young boy to start a new chapter in both of their lives. He hadn't counted on going back. Ever. Wasn't part of the plan. And yet, here he was. Counting the light posts as they flew by, going back to where it all ended.

His phone buzzed and he absentmindedly picked it up. A text from Cana asking if they were on schedule. He replied with a thumbs up and plugged it in to charge.

Being air-conditioned, he couldn't smoke. _Bummer. _He could've used one.

The train stopped at few stations, blowing past most. Yet, he made sure to read every last name. He'd been to all those towns. Had stories about them. Memories flooded his mind, filtered through the veil of suppression he'd constructed so long ago, and Gray leant his temple against the glass for _some _support.

With every minute, he was coming closer to the past. The weight in his chest kept building and building until he closed his eyes and pressed his fingers into his eyelids. The dull pain cut through the fog of memories. Gray sighed. In his haste to run away from it all, in his insistence on keeping his past at arm's length, he'd never properly dealt with it. Never learnt to let go. This close, the weight of his choices hung unbearably around his throat, Gray didn't think he had the strength to look up again.

Yet, as soon as he thought about it, he did just that. He raised his head and looked straight ahead. Found Luca sleeping open-mouthed, arms thrown about like the victim of a road accident, and drooling all over his pillow. The sheer suddenness of the image in contrast to his thoughts dumbfounded Gray for a split second. Then he laughed a silent laugh and shook his head.

"Dumbass kid," he muttered to himself.

He hadn't been alone when he left. He hadn't burned bridges based on selfish reasons. He had done what he thought was right for the sake of someone else, and while that didn't make it any easier to go back, he knew that he would at least be able to meet any and all of his old friends with his head held high.

_It was worth it, _he told himself as he watched the sleeping boy. _It was worth it, and I'd do it again._

And that would have to be enough.

* * *

It was _not_ worth it, Gray thought sourly as he waited for his ward to board.

Luca hadn't shut up all day. Like a dog in a car, he'd had his face pressed to the glass ever since he woke up. Every time the train stopped, no matter the station, he would get down and walk around for a bit, saying that he needed to experience the air to feel at home.

"You shoulda come with me," he said now as he sat down. "Woulda done you good!"

"No thanks."

"Aww you're no fun." He watched Gray scroll through his phone. "Any news?"

"Not really. I told Laxus to keep this rescue attempt a secret until the ship leaves the harbour. I don't wanna deal with press." Gray sighed and put aside his phone. "Other than that, the only new thing is that Erza has released a statement from the Pole."

"What'd she say?"

"Asked for an extraction ASAP." It wasn't like Erza to demand help. Had something really gone wrong? "Technically, the only problem they _should _have is supplies. They're not equipped to last another winter. Otherwise, they should be safe enough in that bunker."

Luca nodded. "How long until winter falls for them?"

"Less than two weeks."

It took a while for Luca to digest that. For the utter hopelessness of the situation to sink in. When it had, the boy nodded to himself, sighed and asked, "We won't make it in time, will we?"

"To bring them back before winter falls? No. No hope in hell." Gray shook his head. "But, we can bring supplies to them. Make sure there's enough for them to eat until we figure out how to get them back."

"In the middle of polar winter?"

"No other choice. We can't bring enough food to sit out winter with them. The ship we're going to board is an Icebergan research vessel. It took some bureaucratic ping-pong for them to even agree to take us on such short notice. As such, we can't just load up whatever we want."

"Then how much stuff are we authorised to carry?"

"However much we can fit into a big ass sled."

He could tell that Luca didn't like that answer, but there was nothing more to be done. Gray had requested Laxus to do the impossible. That he had managed to give him as much in so little time spoke volumes about his leadership.

"What's the name of the ship?" Luca asked. "Have they told you?"

The rays of the sun slanted more and more as the train neared Magnolia. Gray placed his elbow in the windowpane and looked out. With every second, he saw more and more familiar sights.

"The 'Dreadnought,'" Gray replied, suppressing a grin upon recognising a farm. Then a bridge. A town. The lush, green landscape of southern Fiore was just as verdant as he remembered. Highlighted by the dying sun's pink rays, the grass and the trees seemed to be waving at him, welcoming him back. "She's going down there to study seals."

"Uh-huh." Luca was equally invested in the landscape. Gray suspected that the boy could tell he was close to home. It was calling to him. "Cool."

Soon, they shot past another station. _Balsam Village. _On any local train, this would be the stop right before Magnolia.

"Place was famous for its spa resorts," Gray muttered. "Twenty minutes to reach Magnolia."

An odd feeling set into his bones at the realisation. _Twenty minutes from Magnolia. _Here he was, on a train to Magnolia. How many thousands of times had he been in the exact same spot? He looked away from the window, fully expecting to see Natsu knocked out on the floor, Lucy reading a book, and Erza sleeping.

The coupé had none of that to offer. No quarrelling, no constant asking of "How much longer?", no irritation. But also no laughter. No inside jokes, no recapping of missions. Nothing.

His presence felt sterile. Foreign. Though the journey was familiar, he had changed too much.

At the thought, his lungs expelled all the air they held and Gray sat there, suspended between the past and present, wanting to belong to both but an outsider to either.

"We're slowing down!" Luca exclaimed. "We're there! I'm goin' to the door. You wanna come?"

Though Gray heard the question, he was in no position to reply. He shook his head and hoped that it would be enough. Thankfully, Luca didn't pester him. The silence that filled the cabin when the boy left, however, was more than Gray could handle.

Millions of memories burst to life behind his eyelids every time he blinked, each one potent enough to bring him to his knees. The family that had been his friends, the only one he thought he'd ever need. Laughing faces, energetic voices. Jokes and jibes and fights. A life that had passed him by a bit too quickly.

His reminiscing stopped, too. Abruptly, at that. Jerking out of his thoughts, Gray sat straight and looked out the window.

The train had stopped. He saw porters hurrying to the cabin doors, eager to carry the burdens of those getting off. On the pillars were signs denoting the platform number and the station name.

_Magnolia Station._

Gray found himself unable to look away from those two words. The more he stared, the more he wanted to reach out and touch them. And he got up to do just that.

Rushing through the corridor, past people both getting up and down, Gray leapt out of the gate and, as soon as his feet touched the ground, chuckled and took a deep breath.

Spread all around were sights he knew intimately. There, the giant ass wall-mounted analogue clock. At a glance, he knew that it was _still_ five minutes fast. He looked up at the stone arches along the ceiling, at the wooden benches and newspaper stands. And then he walked. He walked through his memories, reliving every single one. Every fight with Natsu, every time anyone chastised him for losing his clothes. He let the memories flock to him, throwing open the gates of the past.

And finally, he stood in front of one of the plaques stating the station name. Smiling, Gray reached up and traced the golden lettering.

_Magnolia Station? Nah._

Behind him, he heard the engine give a warning toot. It only stopped for three or so minutes. Gray tapped the wood and closed his eyes.

_Home. I'm home again._

He turned away as the guard sounded his whistle, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.

For a brief few minutes, the bitterness had been wrung out of his memories. It was worth coming for that alone.

No matter what had happened in the past, or what would happen going forwards, Gray was glad that the station, the gateway to his old life, had retained its purity in his mind. Glad that a little part of his past remained unblemished.

Luca was waiting for him in the cabin, though he didn't say anything when Gray walked in. He smiled and nodded before turning towards the window, watching the train roar past and through Magnolia Town.

Gray sat down and smiled out at the town, at the blur of lights and noises before it was all gone.

It wasn't often that he made promises anymore. Not to himself, and especially not to others. But in that instance, Gray made one. To himself. And to the town. A simple promise, but one he intended to keep.

_I'll be back. I'll take a look at you then. Properly._ He closed his eyes. Sighed peacefully. _You'll see._

* * *

"You are zee reskue party?" asked the man. Through his great mesh of beard and moustache, Gray couldn't see his mouth move. "Zee polar expedition reskue party?"

"Er. Yes. That's us." Gray held out his hand. "I'm Gray, and this is my student, Luca."

"Doctor Slossen Boschen," the big, burly man returned, shaking their hands hard enough for Gray to feel his shoulder come loose a little. "Fery pleaset to meet you bos. Come aboart now. Your gear vas already taken in."

"That's great. Lead the way."

It was early in the morning, and Gray and Luca had gone straight to the wharf after waking up. Slossen Boschen, the lead researcher, had been waiting for them on the pier. Even without him, there was no way they could have missed the almost two hundred feet long 'Dreadnought'. Only two ships were in harbour, and Gray knew a lacrima powered icebreaker when he saw one.

"You sure he ain't a bear?" Luca asked under his breath as they walked up the gangplank and Gray snorted. The doctor was about six feet eight, and _almost_ as wide as he was tall.

"Vee vill veigh ankhor after sendink a transmischion to zee Chosen Frozen," Boschen told them over his shoulder as he led them along the deck. "Vee vere vaitink for you to let zem know vee vere komink."

"Wait." Gray lengthened his stride to catch up to him. "You mean they don't know we're coming yet?"

"I vas tolt zat you vould be zee one to break zee news to zem." The man shrugged. "Come, zee radio room is zrough here."

Gray walked at the big man's heels, gulping despite himself. _He _would have to tell them that he was coming? Erza, alone, he could talk to, but the others? He wasn't sure-

"Shtiener! Shtarten sie das lakrima!" Boschen barked at the wiry fellow sitting by the radio transmitter, making him jump. "Kontakten sie das Pole."

"Aye, sir," Hans replied and starting pressing buttons and turning knobs. He then picked up the mouthpiece and started speaking into it, trying to establish contact. "Hello? Hello? Polar research ship 'Dreadnought' to Team Captain, Chosen Frozen-"

"Hafe you hat breakfast?" Boschen asked casually, going back to his good-natured self. "Zee pork is fery fresh. Sandviches?"

"I _am _hungry," Luca replied. Gray was about to say something similar, when an ungodly crackle sounded through the radio, making both him and Luca jump. He was about to ask just what that was when, like a celestial harp being filtered through the heavens, the radio came alive.

"Hello, polar research ship 'Dreadnought'. This is Captain Scarlet, receiving you loud and clear. What news do you have? Over."

"Captain Scarlet, my name is Hans Steiner, and I am a big fan." Boschen levelled a glare at the radio operator and he hurried along. "But I'm going to hand you over to one of my associates, who has news for you. Please stand by."

So saying, Hans took his headphones off and started untangling himself from all the wires.

"All yours," Boschen motioned towards the radio.

Before Gray could reply, Luca took Gray's rucksack off his back.

"Sit properly," he grinned. Then he smacked him in the middle of his back and shoved him forward. "Make her your wife. Go!"

Gray, surprised, had nowhere to go but stumble ahead. He caught his balance and, as he gave Luca a glare over his shoulder, Hans pulled out the chair for him.

"You're ready to go, sir."

_No, I'm not._

Despite his thoughts, Gray sat down and placed the headphones over his head. He then took a deep breath, and wrapped his fingers around the mouthpiece.

"Hey, Erza," he said, trying to sound casual.

There was silence on the other side, and Gray looked at Hans. He nodded, signalling that the transmission was fine.

Then, following another crackle, Erza's voice came through the machine. "Well, now. Hello, Gray. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Gray chuckled. She sounded playful. Happy. Her voice sounded so warm that he wanted to bathe in it.

"You got yourself into quite the fix, huh?"

"I suppose you could say that." A chuckle. "Where are you? Are you in Nidaros? Did you commandeer that vessel?"

"Nope. I'm in Hargeon town." He paused. "Code Blue, Erza."

She was silent a moment. Then she gasped. _Erza, meet realisation_. Gray smiled.

"You... you're in... Fiore?!" Astounded. Stunned. Gobsmacked. "When? How? What!"

"Yes. Yesterday. By train. No answer for that last one."

"_Why_? What's going _on_?"

"I told you. Code Blue." He grinned widely. "Wait for me, Erza. I'm coming to take you home."


	9. Chapter 9

_You call someplace paradise, kiss it goodbye._

\- Eagles, "The Last Resort"

* * *

**9**

Gray woke up with a start. There was a sudden thump somewhere near him and he lifted his head off the pillow, eyes still bleary with sleep, and tried to pry them open.

"Did I wake you up?" Luca's voice. Gray dropped his head back on the pillow. "Sorry. Was tryna be quiet."

"Mmm." Gray raised his arms and stretched his back. All the rocking and rolling aboard the ship had made him sore. "What time is it?"

"Hold up." Sounds of rustling. "It's... 6:38 AM. Was just gonna freshen up and get somethin' to eat. You wanna sleep a little more?"

Gray groaned. He knew that he should be getting up, but his body refused. After two straight days of travelling, both he and Luca had been beat. So for the first few days of the voyage, they spent most of their time inside their cabin – Gray on his bunk, and Luca overhead on his.

But now, the novelty had worn off. He _wanted _to be up and about, walking around on deck and watching the sea. Maybe get some food. His stomach growled at the thought. Gray chuckled.

_Okay, definitely get some food_.

"You go ahead. I'll be there in a while," Gray replied, yawning, and making no effort to stifle it.

"Sure thing. See you soon, Gray."

The benefits of sending Luca first were twofold. Not only did Gray get a precious few moments to laze around, but it also made sure that he would get off his ass in less than three minutes. If he _didn't_, there would no sausages left. As much as Gray liked potatoes, surviving on mash alone seemed rather bleak. And that was motivation enough.

Some tossing and turning later, Gray decided to cut his losses and get up. It had taken a while for him to find his sea legs, but Luca had been a natural. The boy had been like a young puppy let loose on a gigantic field full of squishy balls. He'd run around the length and breadth of the vessel and poked his head into every room that wasn't private. Introducing himself to the crew was very important to him.

After cleaning up, Gray changed out of his sleepwear and went out onto the deck. And just like every day, he stopped and admired the view for a while.

All around him, stretched as far as he could see, was nothing. Absolutely nothing. No signposts, no landmarks. Nothing. Except the sun, the clouds, and the living ocean for a floor. The waves that the _Dreadnought_ was cruising over were mild and gentle. Maybe five, ten feet high. At least, compared to what they would have to go through later. Gray slapped the guardrail twice, lightly, and went up to the galley, wondering when next he would be able to talk to Erza.

She'd sounded relieved, he thought. It _had_ been three days, and he wondered how the others reacted. Were they glad that help was on the way? Were they bummed out that it would be him? He sighed. Disappointed or not, they didn't have a choice. He'd drag them _all _back if it came down to it.

The galley was alive with the happy scent of sausages, and Gray spotted both Luca and Boschen as soon as he walked in.

"Over here!" Luca waved at him. "Herr Boschen was just telling me about his seals!"

"Zey are not _my_ seals, young Herr," Boschen said, stroking his massive moustache. "I only taken sie piktures of zem."

"And get this! These seals are, like, _huge_!" Luca spread his arms wide. "How much did they weigh again?"

"A souzant pounts on aferage."

"A _thousand_ pounds on _average_!"

Gray, bemused, thanked the man who served him a plate of sausage and mash. As he fed himself a spoonful, he turned to Boschen. "You research lion seals?"

"My passhion," the man replied. "I haf kome to zee Sous Pole efery year for sree years now. Splendit animals."

"Tell 'im about the time that one female adopted you!"

The big man laughed heartily. "It vas last year. I vas in zee vater viz a big female lion seal, ya? Sche vas longer zan our twelfe foot dinghy. I kaught her vile sche vas feedink – bitink zee heads off penguins, ya?"

Gray, in the process of biting into a piece of sausage, paused and put it back down on his plate.

If Boschen saw, he didn't care for he went on: "Ant I vas in zee vater vis guts and bloot floatink on zee surface. Fery disturbink. But zen zis female swims up to me ant opens up her mous ant makes zis noise... like a jackhammer. Sreat display, ya?"

"And _were_ you scared?" Gray asked, focusing on the mash instead.

"Oh, ya. I vas afrait. I vas petrifiet. But I kloset my eyes ant hopet sche voult go avay." He chuckled. "Sche didn't. But she dit kalm down." He paused. "Zen sche brought me a penguin."

"To eat?"

"Ya. Sche brought a live penguin, helt it in her mous, ant let it go near me. I dit not know vat to do. It swam pasht me, ant zee seal gave me zis look of konfusion."

"Surprised you wouldn't eat, huh?"

"Ya. So sche brought me anozer."

This time, Gray choked on his sausage and had to chase it down with some water. "Another?" he asked weakly.

"Oh, ya. Sche dit zis anozer sree times. Sche vould katch a penguin ant let it go, over ant over, tirink it out, ant zen sche voult brink it to me. Efery time, sche voult brink me a penguin zat vas more tiret zan zee lasht."

"Innit great, Gray?"

"Outstanding."

"Ant zen sche shtarted bringink me deat penguins."

Gray gave up on trying to eat after that. "What."

"Deat penguins," Boschen repeated in a matter of fact tone. "Sche voult drown zem ant zen srow zem at my face. I hat about sree deat penguins floatink arount my heat."

"Oh gods."

"Ant zen sche dit zis sing vere sche kame down vis a deat penguin in her mous, twirlink like a sexy ballerina down a pole. Zen sche shpun ant shpat out zee penguin at me."

By then, Gray was shaking with laughter. "Please tell me you at least _pretended _to eat this one."

"Satly, no. Howefer, after zat attempt, sche just got depresset ant left." Herr Boschen sat back and brushed his beard. "Perhaps I traumatiset her."

"That's amazing." Gray chuckled and shook his head. When he went back to his food, he found that Luca had cleaned his plate of the sausages while he was busy laughing. He shot the brat a scathing look. "You fucker."

"All's fair," the boy replied.

"Uh-huh." Gray aggressively fed himself some mash to get over the loss. "Herr Boschen, any idea when we hit the Furious Fifties?"

Luca blinked. "Wait, what?"

"Or the Screaming Sixties?" Gray went on, ignoring the little twerp.

"I vould say vee hit zee Fifties late tonight. I hungen sie das inklinometer amitships, near zee kaptain's kuarters."

"Excellent."

"Okay, someone needs to start talking." Luca crossed his arms over his chest. "Furious Fifties? Screaming Sixties?" He looked from Boschen to Gray. "Should I be afraid here?"

Gray busied himself with eating, and Luca turned to the Icebergan. "Herr Boschen?"

"Latitudes, young Herr. Zee equator is zero degrees, ant zee poles are ninety."

"Why're they called that, then?"

"You see, young Herr, all zee vorlt's oceans meet ant mix at vat vee kall zee Sousern Ocean, zee cirkumpolar sea zat kuts zee Sous Pole off. Ant it beink open vaters, zee vafes ant shtorms are unimpeded by landmasses, makink zem fery dangerous ant impreshife."

Luca audibly gulped. "And, uh, we hit this storm belt tonight?"

"Vee are alreaty in zee shtorm belt, young Herr. Tonight vee enter zee region vere zee shtorms ant vafes shtart becomink fery, how you say, inshpiret."

"Size of waves depends on the strength of the wind and how far it blows over the water," Gray added. "That's called a fetch. With a short fetch, you get a really choppy sea. Lotsa medium sized waves. With a long fetch, you get a swell of rolling waves. That's what we're heading towards." He looked across at Boschen. "What's the tallest wave you've encountered, Herr Boschen?"

"Two years ago, we kaught a real greybeart." He chuckled rather fondly at the memory. "Two souzant feet in length ant a hundret or so high. It hit us at sirty miles per hour."

Gray clicked his tongue. Luca, however, had visibly paled.

"They're called greybeards because of the foam at the top," Gray told the boy, who nodded idly. "If you hadta guess, Herr Boschen, would you say a wave like that sank the 'Nebula'?"

"Hmm. Zat voult be my first guess, ya. Zey kan easily kapsize a schip if zee helmsman is kaught unavare."

"Okay, that is some _bull_shit!" Luca cried in a panic. "And you two are _way _too calm about this! What gives?"

"You get uset to it, young Herr." Boschen chuckled and slapped Luca's shoulder, probably dislocating it. "Zee 'Dreadnought'is a mighty schip. You know vat it means, ya?"

"'Having no fear,'" Gray supplied.

Boschen grinned widely. "Exaktly. Be free from dreat, young Herr. We keep a goot krew. You vill be perfektly safe!"

* * *

"Perfectly safe my _ass,_" Luca wailed from the top bunk. "We're all gonna _die_! Die, I tell you!"

Gray was in the same boat but, in an effort to preserve his dignity, clutched the mattress and said, "Uh-huh."

A Force Eight storm had hit them in the evening, giving them the first taste of moderately rough waters. The most frightening part was when the ship was at maximum roll – when the ship stayed down for a while before re-righting movements began. It was like being in a lift that perpetually fell.

"I'm going to the captain's quarters," Luca announced. Gray heard him sit up. "I'll feel way safer there."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Yeah, well, I'd rather see the wave that topples us instead of waiting in here to drown."

Faultless logic. Gray couldn't let the brat go alone, either. Even if the ship didn't sink, he might get splashed overboard. That wouldn't be pretty.

With a sigh, Gray got up, too. "All right, fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. It's gonna be nasty outside."

And nasty it was. Gray was drenched top to bottom the moment he stepped onto the deck. He tried to hold the handrail, but the constant rolling made the ship tilt so far towards the water that at full roll, it almost seemed like they would smack headlong into a wall. He was convinced that he could touch the water if he just reached out.

"Imma be sick," Luca groaned.

"Get sick once we hit the snow line," Gray returned and started dragging him along to the captain's cabin.

The ship was being piloted that night by forty year old Jeanne Dufrense, who had the most experience in polar waters bar none. She had a habit of blasting rock and roll in the cabin whenever she was at the wheel, and that wasn't any different now.

"Evenin'," she greeted them with a grin, shouting over the music. "Nice breeze, _oui_?"

"Breeze?" Luca did a double take. "_That's _a breeze? That's a Force Eight storm!"

"Force Twelve as of an hour ago, but ehh." She shrugged, returning her playful eyes to the horizon. "Still just a draft."

Sensing Luca's dumbfoundedness, Gray sighed. "Luca wanted to know whether the ship was okay."

Jeanne tilted her head. "How d'you mean?"

Luca gestured downwards. "The hull... y'know?"

"Ah." She nodded. She understood. "This is not rough, you know. It will get much worse."

"Just what I wanna hear," Gray muttered under his breath.

Luca gulped. "How d'you mean, worse? _How_ worse?"

"One in every 300,000 waves will be about four times larger than all the rest. Some call them rollers. Me?" Tossing her blonde hair, she gave them both a grin. "Me, I call them bastards. And that-" she jabbed her forefinger at the glass, "-is an absolute bastard."

Gray peered out into the night, following Jeanne's finger. However, what with the spray, the rain, and the darkness, he couldn't see much beyond the ship's searchlights.

"Is there a wave coming?" he asked.

"Oh, _mais oui_. Look harder."

So he did. But still, nothing stood out to him. When he mentioned this to Jeanne, she chuckled and said, "What is the furthest thing you can see?"

"It's this faint white line." Luca blinked. "Is that ice?"

"_Non_. That is the foam of a greybeard. The very top of the wave."

Gray stared out of the glass, waiting to catch a glimpse. And when he did, he felt a bubble of anxiety pop in his stomach.

"That... spans the entire horizon, Jeanne..." he said carefully.

The helmswoman nodded. "Biggest wave I've seen in three years. Three, maybe three and a half thousand feet in length, easily."

"Height?" Gray asked automatically, dreading the answer.

"A hundred and twenty feet," Jeanne replied easily. "Give or take twenty."

"Fuck," Luca said.

One of the lights on the instrument panel started blinking green and Jeanne grunted. She pressed a button and put on a headset. "Bridge-watch, report. What do you see?"

Luca glanced at Gray. "What's that?"

Gray put his fingers to his lips and followed the conversation.

"You sure?" Jeanne went on. "How many? How big? Uh-huh. Straight ahead? Got it. I'll be on call." She lifted one of the earphones and turned to Gray. "Growlers. At least four."

"What's a growler?"

"Semi-submerged chunks of ice," Gray answered Luca, his brows drawn. "Could be icebergs."

"We passed the Fifties. Won't be surprised." Jeanne muttered. "The ship can take it."

"I'm sure, but I don't wanna test it." Gray started shrugging off his shirt. It was soaked anyway. "How far away's that wave?"

"Mmm. Ten minutes. Probably less."

"Great."

"But why're you stripping?" Luca asked as Gray gave him his discarded shirt. "I thought you quit!"

"Kid, I wouldn't complain." Jeanne gave Gray a once-over and grinned appreciatively. "Me-_ow_."

Gray, not knowing what else to say, nodded. "Thanks. I guess. Anyway, I'm goin' up to the bridge." He pointed at Luca. "You stay here."

"Hey, man, you don't gotta tell _me_ twice." Luca took a seat immediately. "But why're you goin' there?"

"Stop the growlers from smacking into the ship."

"Oh. Great." Luca nodded. Then his eyes widened. "Hey, wait a minute! You're not gonna use _that_, are you?"

And though Gray knew what the kid meant, he was already out of the pilothouse and running for the bridge. He clenched his jaws at the thought but pressed on, adjusting his weight and stride as the ship lurched dangerously either way. By then, he was pretty well acquainted with the layout of the ship, so finding the ladder to the bridge wasn't hard. But climbing up while being battered by hurricane force winds was a nuisance. Gray froze his palm to every rung of the ladder to keep himself from getting blown away. The frozen steel ripped away his skin every time, and he was bleeding all over himself by the time he reached the top.

The officer of the watch nodded and helped him up. Though he was shouting at the top of his voice, the wind and the waves were carrying away most of his words. With some difficulty, however, Gray was able to make out a few words.

_...said... be... coming... growlers... help..._

It was all he needed to fill in the gaps and Gray nodded, patting the man on the shoulder. He froze both his and the man's shoes to the floor to stop them from being swept away. Then he spread his arms wide and got to work.

_Okay, c'mon. Make this worth it._

Tendrils of magic awoke along his right arm, spreading from his forearm to his fingertips, and then up his shoulder, along the collarbone and into his left arm as well. Gray took a deep breath and let the magic coalesce on his fingertips. He let it build and threw it out in waves on either side of him, his magic pulsing out into the angry ocean.

For a while, he felt nothing. Gray thought that perhaps the water was too turbulent for him to pick up anything, but then he felt the tingle. Of his magic returning to his fingertips. Gray smiled to himself.

His Slayer magic allowed him to consume ice, but to do that, one had to _find _ice first. And this was how. As his magic waves returned after bouncing off the growlers, Gray could pinpoint where each one was. The first thing he realised was that there weren't four.

_Seven. Two on starboard, five on port. _

And once he knew where they were, he could control their trajectory. Push them away.

_All right. Let's do this_.

He strained his muscles. Strained his mind. Against the whiplashing wind. Against the stinging spray. Against the speed with which the growlers hurtled towards the hull.

And he pushed back.

There was nothing. The growlers didn't even slow down, much less stop. They kept coming closer and closer and he couldn't do a thing about it.

_More_.

Champing his teeth, he pushed more magic out of his body, drawing from the tips of his toes, up his spine and then out of his fingers.

_More!_

Despite the sub-zero temperatures, he felt sweat streak his back, cling to his forehead and hair. He squeezed his eyebrows shut and opened his mouth, his chest cramping up and making him breathe haggardly.

_MORE!_

White stars burst to life behind his eyelids as a primal, monstrous roar shot up his stomach and out of his mouth. Immediately, a burst of magic shot forth, sheathing him and flowing out in an explosion, overwhelming all his senses and ripping them away.

Gray felt the growlers shoot off in every direction like cannonballs. Where they went, he didn't know. Didn't care.

All he knew was that it felt fucking _amazing_.

He had opened the door to a font of incredible power, and he wanted to _keep_ the door open. Keep drinking. Never stop. Show the world that they were right to fear him and what he could do.

But then he was reminded. Reminded of the last time he had felt this way. Of the things he had done. Of the consequences.

_The eyes. All they hold are fear. Fear and hopelessness_.

With a gasp, Gray opened his eyes. Instant guilt thudded into his chest and he fell to his knees then and there.

_Gods_. He thumped the steel floor. _I almost did it again_.

There were several reasons for his self-imposed exile. This was chief among them. Every time it happened, it ended with disastrous consequences. For him, and especially for others.

All of his magic blinked out immediately, even the ice holding him to the floor. And as soon as that happened, Gray was thrown back against the metal rails of the bridge.

The officer, who had landed beside him, shouted into his ear, "Buddy! You okay?"

"Yeah." Gray shouted back, massaging the back of his head. Then he looked ahead. Felt the blood drain from his face. "Nope."

A towering wall of solid darkness stood before him, its wrathful bubbling head cresting at least twenty feet over the bridge. Gray gaped wordlessly. The bridge itself was at least ninety feet high. The wave dwarfed the ship in every possible way.

And yet, the _Dreadnought _charged ahead.

Gray watched the bow rise, and rise, and rise, until the entire ship was sailing skywards, pointed straight toward the stars. For a moment, Gray pictured Jeanne Dufrense's manic face, eyes glinting as she smashed into the tallest wave she had seen in a few years.

_Oh, fuck._

"Hold on!" the officer bellowed.

"To _what_?!"

There was a sudden feeling of weightlessness. Gray was pretty sure there was, at least. He was certain that his ass came off the floor. And then, there was water. Water everywhere. The crest of the wave barrelled into the bow, taking with it everything that was loose and not either tied or nailed down. For Gray, it felt like taking a sledgehammer blow all over his body. Pinned to the back wall with his lungs being crushed by the wall of water, he held his breath _just _long enough. As the water receded, he gasped for air.

But what he saw left him gasping even more.

Coming off the wave, the ship was now plunging, nose-diving towards the water. The feeling of weightlessness returned, making him feel as if his stomach wanted to rush up his throat. _Is the ship in free fall? _The thought made the hair on his head stand on end.

He braced himself for another wave, but the ship smashed through the water, displacing and cutting through it. The _Dreadnought _had survived a greybeard.

Gray just sat there, awash in seawater and shaken to the core. He had no way of knowing whether he'd pissed his pants, but he had a feeling that he had.

Next to him, the officer started howling with laughter.

"That was fucking _awesome_!" he shouted against the wind. "Fuck!"

Gray stared at the man. He was stunned by the absurdity of the situation. How the heck could he laugh like that, doubled over and clutching his stomach?

Then it hit him.

_He figured we were gonna die. I just escaped death. _

_That_ made him chuckle. Proving an experienced officer wrong. Surviving the tallest bastard Jeanne had seen in years.

And once the chuckles started, they didn't stop easily.

Gray laughed. Against the wind and tide, against the stormy sea. He laughed with a man he didn't know for coming out alive from a situation where nobody had any business surviving.

And he laughed at the prospect of staying alive for just a bit longer.

It took a while for his condition to stabilise. Even when it did and strength returned to his limbs, Gray couldn't keep the grin off his face. He hummed a tune as he climbed down the ladder and started towards the pilothouse, waving cheerily at the sea every time the ship lurched. To him, the water seemed like an old friend now.

As soon as he entered the cabin, Luca jumped on him with a hug. Gray, startled, laughed by default and tousled the boy's hair.

"I thought you'd get swept away!"

"Nah. Take more than _that _to sweep me off my feet." He snickered mentally at his own joke and rubbed the boy's back. "Sorry if I scared you. I'm fine. Just really wet and in need of a shower."

Luca chuckled and let him go, looking him over. Thankfully, the black markings had disappeared by then. Gray didn't want to have to explain his little moment.

Unsurprisingly, Herr Slossen Boschen was also there in the pilothouse. Surprisingly, he was sporting a bruised cheek. When asked what had happened, he smiled wanly.

"My heafy glass betsite ashtray," he explained, rubbing his cheek tenderly. "Vis all zee loat of stubbet dog-ents, shtruck my face after zee lasht roll."

"It was kinda hairy," Luca admitted. "I think I slid a solid six yards down the deck on my stomach."

"What were you doing outside?" Gray squinted at the boy. "Thought I told you not to leave."

"I was checking the inclinometer."

"Oh? And how was the tilt?"

"Forty seven degrees," Luca answered readily. Boschen nodded. "Both ways, actually."

Gray whistled. "That's steep."

"Like I said, it was about to get worse." Jeanne nodded at Gray. "You look good wet. You single?"

In response, Gray took his shirt back from Luca and covered himself up. Jeanne laughed and turned back to the sea.

"Jokes aside, appreciate what you did for the ship." She nodded. "It's going to be like this for the rest of the trip, and it's good knowing I can count on you in a fix."

"Are growlers really that big a problem?" Luca asked. "Does he need to be on bridge-watch?"

"_Non_. Usually, they aren't a problem. But manoeuvring past them _and _having to deal with bastards can be annoying." She smiled. "I'll call on you if I need you, but get some sleep now, boys. The storm will pass in an hour or so."

Gray did not argue with her. He nodded, grabbed Luca, and went back to their cabin. It was only when he changed and lay down that he felt the exhaustion. Groaning, he sank into the mattress, eyes closed. It hit him all at once – mental, magical, physical and emotional exhaustion. It was something he felt in his very bones. If he stayed up, Gray knew he'd get a headache. He was also sure that not even a storm could keep him up anymore.

"Tired, huh?" Luca asked and climbed up to his bunk. "Use a lot of magic?"

The only answer Gray gave to that was a snore.

* * *

"This," said Benjamin McQuaid, the ship's resident oceanographer, pointing to a jar of seawater almost solid with crustaceans, "is the _most_ productive ocean in the world!"

Gray hummed. The ship had began trawling that morning. Never had he seen the nets fill up so quickly. But considering where they were, it wasn't a surprise. He still listened to McQuaid's lecture politely, just because Luca looked absolutely thrilled.

They were roughly eight hundred miles off the coast of the south pole, roughly between the fiftieth and sixtieth parallels, in a zone about thirty miles wide where all the water bodies in the world met. This was the Polar Convergence Zone, affectionately called PCZ by the scientists.

"The waters from _all_ of the oceans drop from a collective seven degrees to, to two degrees," McQuaid went on, warming up to his subject. "The cold and dense water heads downwards and the, the warmer, northern-derived waters thrust upwards!" He lifted his palms up into the air to demonstrate. "And they bring all manner of life forms to the surface! Like, like phytoplankton and algae, which feed billions of krill, _which _in, in turn support some seventy million penguins, thirty five million seals, and countless fish, whales and seabirds!"

Luca perked up. "Any chance we can see a whale?"

"In actual fact, I think we might!" McQuaid looked out as the trawling net was lifted. "Excuse me, but I need to, need to be there!"

"Do _you _think we'll see a whale?" Luca asked Gray, watching the net as it was pulled aboard. Gray hummed thoughtfully.

"I hope so."

"You don't sound convinced."

Gray tapped Luca's shoulder and started walking down the deck. "Krill farming is a huge business, y'know that?"

"What?"

"Yeah. They're a protein rich food source and can be harvested in thousands of tons. Lotsa fisheries do that. Have been for years." He waved at several of the deckhands, who were dropping their equipment into the water, measuring depth, temperature and salinity. "Which means that already, krill are culled to the point of scarcity. Extinction in some places."

"Wait, but that means... the whales and the fish and the birds have nothing to eat!"

"Bingo."

"But that's so _wrong!_" Luca was incensed. He thumped the guardrail and pocketed his hands immediately. "Why the fuck don't they stop? What happens if all the whales die?"

Gray shrugged. "People needta eat. We've already fucked the rest of the planet up the ass so bad, we're desperate for new food sources. And the krill fisheries have the backing of governments and rich individuals. They've got more money and manpower and opportunities than most anyone. Especially the scientific community."

Luca cursed under his breath. Gray led him onto the bridge wing and asked an officer of the watch for her binoculars.

"Plus, it takes the scientists a while to make an argument for control. For that, they need all the facts. And that's why expeditions like these are important." He put the binoculars to his eyes and looked up. "That's what makes the work that McQuaid and Boschen do so important. That's what makes Erza's quest so important. They might not be out beating up dragons, but they're still tryna save the world." He handed the binoculars to Luca and pointed at the sky. "And all that's in it."

Wordlessly, Luca followed the direction of his finger. His frown turned into a small smile. "Albatrosses."

"Yeah. They depend on the krill, too."

For a long while, they stood on the bridge wing, tracking the flight of the birds. The westerly winds battered the ship, and the water was as volatile as ever, but there was peace there. An unruly kind of quiet. The kind you feel not in the absence of a storm, but despite it.

"I won't let 'em die," Luca told Gray suddenly. "I'm gonna stop those people."

"Yeah?" Gray smiled to himself. "Y'know ya can't blast them with magic, right?"

"I know. I'll stop 'em, anyway. No short cuts. I got time."

"Yeah." Gray placed his hand on his ward's shoulder proudly. "I'm countin' on you."

_We all are._

* * *

As the weeks passed by, the _Dreadnought_ started feeling more and more like home. After living by himself for so long, Gray found that he liked being around the crew. They were all honest and hardworking and loved what they did. Most of all, they didn't pester him a lot, and he was grateful for that.

Luca, however, went out of his way to make friends. He would swap stories with the deckhands, sit in on oceanographic lectures by the scientists, and play cards with the watchkeepers. All in all, he was having a blast and Gray had an inkling that he had found what he wanted to do with his life. He hadn't spoken to him about it yet, but he had a feeling that the talk was coming.

As they entered March, the winds changed. The easterly winds joined the westerlies, and a cheer went up along those with previous polar experience.

"Where the two winds meet is called the Polar Divergence Zone. It means we're approaching the pack-ice," Gray had explained to a curious Luca. "That means we're nearing the coastline. And that means peaceful waters."

Jeanne Dufrense invited them into the pilothouse when it came time to start the actual ice-breaking process. She told them that she had been doing it for about fifteen years, but it never got any safer.

"If there are large floes with considerable amount of open water, like what we have before us now," she pointed to the two boulder sized floating chunks of ice on either side of them, "we can keep going and the water we displace will shove them aside."

"What about when there's solid ice?" Luca asked. "D'you, like, just smash through?"

"Yep." Jeanne laughed in a sing-song tone. "Exactly that. But we smash in only a little bit. We're basically pushing against mile after mile of ice, so we can't keep pushing. So we'll reverse a bit and hit it again. We do this repeatedly and saw our way through the ice."

"Gotta cost a lotta fuel, huh?"

"_Oui_. But it's the most efficient way we have." She hummed. "Dangerous, too. If you're not careful, the pack-ice might close in and crush the hull."

"Damn."

"You have to watch out for pulverised ice, too," Jeanne went on, her bright blue eyes glistening with excitement as she sailed through the ice floes, the ship's wake pushing them out of the way. "If they're more than a metre deep, they can stop a ship through sheer friction. You'll misjudge its consistency, sail in and get halted. Then the ice closes in behind your wake immediately, and you're trapped. Which is annoying. What you _really _want is a good storm here. Calm weather for any duration will kill you."

"Why's that? Thought peaceful passage was a good thing?"

"Sure. But here, once you're _in _the ice, you'll freeze fast if the temperature falls. At least waves will open up leads." She shrugged. "We'll get caught, too, don't worry. Happens to everyone." She offered them a grin. "Just hope we aren't near any icebergs when that happens."

And hope Gray did. So far, it seemed to be paying off. Every morning, they'd wake up to chairs toppled and tables sliding up against their bunks from its corner position. The only disturbance nowadays was the sudden, shuddering jolts they felt upon hitting ice, but they got used to that, too, in a few days.

The morning of March 19th was no different. Gray and Luca left their cabin for breakfast around six in the morning, as usual, but nobody was on deck. Gray stopped and looked around. All the equipment was still on the deck, but there were no hands to be seen. He knocked on all the cabins on the way to the galley, but got no response. And when he found even the kitchen deserted, he knew something was up.

"Please don't tell me we've been aboard a ghost ship all this time," Luca muttered but Gray paid him no mind. Instead, he turned and started walking towards to bow. Soon enough, he found everyone there was on the ship – scientists, officers, deckhands – all gathered on the bridge wings, staring out at the horizon solemnly.

"Who died?" Luca asked. Gray shushed him and started climbing the steps. Once there, he tapped the first person he saw on the shoulder.

"What's happening?" he asked. Then a thought hit him. "Are we sinking?"

The deckhand, named Ivan, shook his head and handed him a pair of binoculars. "Go ahead. See for yourself."

So Gray did. He went up to the guardrails, the crowd parting for him as he went. Everyone had a smile on their face. There was an underlying excitement in the murmured conversations going on. At the very front, Gray ran into Herr Slossen Boschen, who greeted him with a nod.

"What're we looking at?" Gray asked after shaking hands.

"Straight aheat," the doctor replied, and Gray, with a shrug, put the binoculars to his eyes.

And his jaw immediately fell open.

Immediately to his front, sparkling brilliantly in the dull, early winter's sun, Gray saw a wall of ice in the distance. In his estimation, they were maybe as tall as the Isvali mountains in his backyard. Probably taller. _Definitely_ taller.

"Zee Vite Kliffs," Boschen breathed reverently. "Herr Fullbuster, you are lookink at zee Sous Pole."

Gray sucked in a long, shuddering breath. He pulled the binoculars from his eyes and handed them limply to Luca. He placed his hands on the guardrail, gripped it tightly, and bent forward, bowing his head.

_You have my respect, _he told the ice. _I have never seen anything as overpowering as you. I only use a fraction of your power, and I know I can't hope to challenge or win against you. _He straightened, eyes closed and sighed deeply. _But I'm going to, regardless. I have to. _

Gray opened his eyes and smiled at the horizon, at his objective. He was so close, he could barely contain his excitement.

"I'm going to take her from you and bring her back with me," he muttered. "To where she belongs. And there is nothing you can do to stop me."

* * *

On the 29th of March, after only ten days in the pack ice, the _Dreadnought_ arrived at the polar coast. Jeanne Dufrense cruised west at nine knots, with the high cliffs to the south and the rim of the pack to starboard.

Over the radio, she had told Gray that she was making for a bay where they would disembark. It was one she used frequently, but it already being winter, the ship wouldn't be able to stop for long. Whatever they had to unload would have to be done within half an hour.

Hans Steiner had established radio contact with the Chosen Frozen. Their base was ten miles inland and Erza had promised to send up a flare to mark their position and help them navigate. She also said that the weather was still good.

"Make use of it, Gray," she had warned. "It changes at the drop of a hat."

The goodbyes had started the moment he had woken up, with every hand on deck saluting them as they came out for breakfast. Herr Boschen gave a stirring speech in their honour during the meal, and all the scientists applauded their resolve to save their friends.

"No scientist vors zeir salt will ever abanton human lives," he had said. "Ant it vas our privilege to host ant help you. Go vis zee gots. Bringen sie das Chosen Frozen bakk safely."

Jeanne Dufrense had given them a hug apiece. "Be careful," was all she'd said. And though she slipped Gray her number during the hug, he couldn't help but respect the skipper who had taken on and triumphed over the worst the ocean had thrown at them.

Luca was currently busy taking pictures with each and every single one of the crew on Gray's phone. This was easily the most emotional day of his young life, Gray realised. Saying goodbye to friends was always hard. Especially two hundred of them in one go.

Gray stood on the deck with two hundred pounds of their cargo – food, medicine, water, tents, spades, picks, theodolites, cameras etc. He had his eyes on the bay they were sailing towards, where they were supposed to get off.

The bay, which Jeanne had named after herself, was about half a mile wide at the mouth. Hemmed in by the White Cliffs, the bay tapered V-like for a mile and a half to its apex. There, the cliffs fell away to a snow ramp which gave them access to the interior. Jeanne's plan was to get as close as possible, unload as fast as possible, and get the hell out. Gray, however, had a better idea.

He looked back. Found that most, if not all, of the crew had gathered at the bridge wings. He took a deep breath and saluted them all.

"Thank you for everything you all have done for us!" He called out, shouting above the wind. "It was thanks to you accepting our request on such short notice, and going out of your designated route to drop us off at," he grinned, "Dufrense Bay, that we can conduct this rescue operation at all! When we reach Erza and the crew, when we bring them back, rest assured that the world will know you all as heroes. Thank you!" He raised his hands and clapped. "Give yourselves a standing ovation for once! You bastards deserve it!"

Laughter broke out among the crew and they did clap, whistling and whooping to celebrate their bravery. Luca joined him on the bow then, dabbing his eyes with his sleeves. Gray ruffled his hair.

"You ready?"

The boy nodded. Gray, in turn, looked at the crew and grinned. "Now, we've inconvenienced you enough!" The crowd booed. "But you won't hafta do it anymore! We're gonna unload and disembark without the ship needing to stop, so don't slow yourselves down!" He clapped his hands together, making five magic circles appear in the air behind him. "Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!"

From each of the circles burst forth a giant, ice eagle. With a wingspan to dwarf the largest condor, the birds swooped down and grabbed on to the various crates laid out on the deck, before flying up and carrying them to the bay, the designated unloading spot.

A chant went up among the audience: _This is awesome! _Clap clap clapclapclap. _This is awesome!_

Even Luca joined in, all tears forgotten. Gray watched the birds work with his hands on his hips, making sure that none of the equipment was damaged. When at last the final crate of food was carried off, the crew whooped their approval.

"Now it's our turn," Gray said, raising his hand in farewell as the eagles grabbed him and Luca and lifted off. Instead of going straight for the bay, Gray made the birds do a loop around the ship, front and back.

He high-fived with as many crew members as he could while he flew around, Luca right behind him. They shot through the air, rounding the stern of the ice-breaker, and came back around, passing the pilothouse and waving at Jeanne.

And then, the circle complete, Gray made the birds take them to the bay.

The sound of laughter and cheering faded as they gained distance, the cold air stinging his face. It was difficult to keep his eyes open, but he did it anyway.

Once they had landed, Gray and Luca turned back towards the ship. It had already started backing up, moving away from them. Luca waved again, grinning through his tears at the ship that had been his home for weeks.

At that moment, the _Dreadnought _sounded its horn and Gray laughed. It was likely Jeanne, saying goodbye in the most Jeanne way possible. He raised his hand and waved, too.

_Goodbye_, he thought, thinking of all the weird and wonderful characters and experiences he had encountered aboard that ship. He couldn't help but sigh. _Goodbye and good luck._

Then, he turned around. Faced the endless white horizon that would be his next challenge. _Ten miles. Their camp is ten miles inland. _He looked around at all the crates and packages. _God damn._

Just as he finished his thought, a ball of light shot up into the sky from the direction they were supposed to go. Gray chuckled. It wasn't a flare. It was a fireball.

_Natsu_.

Hans Steiner had told Erza that they had made landfall. Now, they were on their own in a barren snowscape where nothing survived.

"That's them?" Luca asked, turning around and spotting the flare. "That's where we hafta go?"

"Yep." Gray nodded. Then he smirked at the boy. "Are you cold enough, kid?"


	10. Chapter 10

_There she stood in the doorway._

\- Eagles, "Hotel California"

* * *

**10**

The one good thing about being on the pole was not having to talk constantly. Any conversation Gray had with Luca was done through hand signs, a skill he had taught the boy in Isvan itself. It proved indispensable now due to the strong winds carrying away their words.

As they stopped to have lunch in their sled – one of three – huddled up under the tarp, Luca asked him why they couldn't just fly there with the birds.

'_Wind would knock them from the sky,' _Gray answered with signs. Then he handed the boy his lunch – two protein bars. He took one for himself and started chewing on it.

Luca parted the tarp a little and peeked out. Gray followed suit. The dogs pulling the sleds were all sitting around like loyal palace guards. The sleds themselves were larger than usual, and each had seventeen dogs pulling it. Instead of a carriage, they'd created a caravan.

Still, Gray couldn't complain. It meant having _some _company on this barren land. The sudden transition from being on a huge ship full of people to being alone was jarring. Not rolling around felt strange, too. After weeks on the water, Gray's mind still believed he was out on the waves. Even now, sitting on the solid ice sled, he rocked to and fro involuntarily. He figured it would take a few days.

The bar tasted good. Gave him some much needed energy. Riding in the lead sled, Gray had been strengthening the ice below them as they passed, making sure none of the sleds fell through. He didn't want to lose any of the dogs. Or the equipment.

He waited for Luca to finish his bars before pulling out the charts. He had marked the camp's location on the map, and checking their own position relative to where the flare had signalled was necessary to make sure they stayed on course.

'_Didn't you take a reading just an hour ago?' _Luca asked.

Gray sighed. '_Look outside. What do you see?'_

'_Nothing.'_

'_Really? Nothing?'_

'_I see white, I guess. Ice. Nothing else.'_

'_Exactly. Nothing else. It's mostly flat here. There are no hills and no mountains we can count on to be landmarks. And not enough sun for shadows. So unless we keep doing this, we'll never know where we're going.'_

Gray stepped out of the sled, into the biting wind, and pulled out his compass. It was true that he had nothing on land to take a reading against, but the sun was still there. Barely.

That, and the clouds. The clouds moved very, very slowly and maintained their silhouette for a while. Gray had been taking bearing checks against the clouds every ten minutes. The weather was still clear, thankfully. If it turned into a whiteout, navigation would become an absolute nightmare.

Once he was satisfied that they were on the right track, Gray went back to the sled. It was strange, seeing Luca with sunglasses, but that was also a necessity. With the sunlight reflecting off of pure white in every direction, sunscreen and sunglasses were the best way to avoid radiation burns.

'_You ready?' _he signed.

'_Born ready.'_

Gray chuckled as he climbed into the sled. The dogs took off immediately, each of them falling in line. He made sure that the sleds were all separated by a mile whilst travelling. In case he didn't have anything to take a reading against in front of him, he could take a backbearing against the two specks. It provided an effective check to the angle of travel.

From the bay, they had been travelling up the ramp at a steady pace. The terrain wasn't rough. Not as much as he'd expected, anyway. The incline was gentle, too. It allowed them to go faster than they would normally.

Three hours into the journey, the winds really picked up. Gray braced for a snowstorm.

These winds, Gray knew, were katabatic. Descending. The air high up was heavy and cold, and they often 'fell' off the continent, rushing towards the coast until it gathered the force of a hurricane. Though they were far enough away from the coast to avoid the full force, the winds were strong enough to carry loads of snow in their wake. And sure enough, a veil of powder obstructed his vision immediately after the wind swept by.

But apart from the winds, there was nothing else to look out for. The same dull routine – checking bearings every five minutes, stopping for ten minutes every hour, looking at the absolutely flat, featureless snowscape – tempted him with complacency. Constantly using his magic to reinforce the ice didn't help. Gray found his mind wandering often. He thought less about his surroundings, and more about the destination. About finally meeting his old friends.

Meeting _her_.

He wondered how she would react. How she looked now. Surviving on minimum sustenance meant losing body fat. They would all be thinner. _Much_ thinner. Gray set his jaw. He hoped that the food he was bringing would be enough.

By next week, the sun would pretty much be gone. How would he extract them? That was not something he'd thought about. His duty was, officially, to bring the crew supplies. Unofficially, he would do whatever he could to-

The dogs all stopped. The sled slid ahead for a few feet before friction stopped it, too. Luca looked at him and flipped his palm. He didn't need sign language to communicate that question.

Brows furrowed, Gray stepped out of the sled. He patted the head of the nearest dog and went up the line. When he'd made them, he gave them a specific condition – do not step on anything that isn't solid, flat ice. Whatever it was that lay ahead wouldn't be pretty. And when he reached the lead dog, and found what had made them stop, the sight almost made Gray dizzy. He clutched the dog to steady himself and backed away as fast as he could.

_Fuck._

He felt Luca clap his shoulder. _'All okay?'_

Gray shook his head. He motioned for Luca to follow him and took him up to Do, the lead dog. He pointed at the horizon and turned to Luca.

'_Okay?'_

The boy nodded. Then Gray pointed downwards. And Luca looked down, found that he was standing two inches from the edge of a cliff several hundred feet high, and jumped back, screeching.

_Yeah, _Gray thought and looked down the ice wall, hands on hips._ That's the appropriate reaction all right._

In the ice, there was no shadow. The constant white screwed with perspective – crevasses remained hidden until you fell into them and thirty foot walls not evident until you smacked into them. And _this, _this was a problem that he could have avoided had he been more alert. Or so he told himself.

He then looked up, let his gaze wash over the frozen landscape spread out before him. It was _absolutely _desolate and barren. Just white. White as far as the eyes could see. No trees, no buildings, nothing. In the distance he could see a mountain range forming the furthest border of the horizon. He smiled at that. Nobody had ever gone close to that range. Nobody had attempted to name it, or the peaks it contained. A part of him wanted to take a crack at them, but he shook his head.

Still, despite the nothingness, there _was _a beauty to the place. A dangerous, untamed beauty – one that could kill you if you couldn't respect its laws. It was probably what lured so many explorers and adventurers to their demise. The lust for breaking it in and conquering it.

Gray took a deep breath and released it. Imagined apartment complexes and mining equipment set up all over the place. Busy harbours, fisheries. A _goddamn_ disco, maybe. He shook his head.

_I hope we don't ruin this_.

The South Pole was one of two places left on Earthland not subject to pollution of any kind. It was pristine. And Gray really, really hoped it would stay that way.

By the time his thought reached its natural conclusion, Luca had joined him on the edge. He looked at the boy, but couldn't gauge his thoughts. He was looking at the mountains, too. Maybe they were having the same thought. Maybe Luca was wondering whether a dragon lived up there. Looking at the jagged peaks, it wasn't hard to imagine one of them serving as a lair to a wyrm.

'_So, what do we do?'_ Luca asked eventually.

'_We wait for the other dogs to show up.'_

'_Then what?'_

Gray chuckled. _'Oh, you'll see.'_

So they sat and waited. Luca tried to sleep. Gray kept a look out behind them. With his binoculars, he saw that the dogs were following without deviating a hair from the course. He chuckled at that. They were more like machines than sentient creatures. In this environment, that was a blessing.

After twenty minutes of waiting, another fireball went up into the sky. Gray, standing near the edge of the cliff, tried to trace its origin point on the ground but couldn't. Even if he was looking right at it, the base would probably be covered in snow. Unless Natsu came out and took a flamethrower to the surroundings, it would take hours of shovelling to deal with all that snow.

Still, the flare meant that another hour had passed. They had been sending out signals every hour on the hour. It made him smile to think that he and Erza were probably looking at the clock at around the same time.

It was another hour and a half before the other sleds joined them. Gray and Luca spent that time lashing every bit of equipment as tightly as they could to their sled, and doing the same for the other two when they arrived.

'_Okay,'_ Luca began after they were done. _'Now what?'_

'_Now, we descend.'_

During his own training before going to the North Pole, Gray had learnt from the hunters of Ateh the ins and outs of leading a dog team. The knowledge had saved his skin on more than one occasion. Right now, he wanted to kiss Reynauld – the hunter who had instructed him.

He made the dogs turn around and pull some distance the other way, so it was the sleds that were on the edge. Once all three were lined up side by side, with the dogs facing away from the cliff, Gray called Luca over.

_'We're going to go down sled first,'_ he explained. _'The dogs will dig their paws into the snow and slowly lower us.'_

Luca gave him a long look. Then he glanced down the cliff. There was enough of a slope for the sleds to not dangle in mid-air. Not enough for the ride down to be comfortable.

_'Can't we just make a ramp?' _Luca suggested. '_Slide down?'_

'_We have no sense of perspective. It all looks the same. I have no idea how deep this thing is.' _Gray grimaced._ 'Plus, if we slide and lose control, you and I will be fine. But we can't risk damaging the equipment. Wouldn't want to trigger an avalanche, either.'_

_'I'm with you there.'_

_'So? Ready?'_

'_Nope.'_ Luca smiled. _'But let's do this anyway.'_

Gray clapped his shoulder. _'Attaboy.'_

Luca and Gray manned separate sleds and, when the boy gave him the thumbs up, Gray commanded the dogs to dig their claws into the ice and lower themselves, slowly and carefully, down the cliff face.

It was among the most harrowing experiences Gray had ever gone through. Despite the slope, the sled dangled more often than not. He had to augment the claws of the dogs on the fly, allowing them to grip better. But the feeling of dread never went away.

Hanging like a pendulum from a cliff that could have been either hundreds – or thousands – of feet high at the mercy of the dogs and the elements, it was the most helpless Gray had felt since leaving his cottage.

The most terrifying part was when the wind picked up. Usually it was quiet enough. Sometimes the winds came blowing up the cliff face and tried to lift them up along the way with varying degrees of success. Gray had to stop all the dogs from moving until conditions stabilised. Though he knew holding on to the equipment wouldn't save him, but that stop him from clutching the ropes for dear life every time the wind swayed them around. It was the slowest, hairiest descent he had ever made.

He glanced at Luca during a particularly turbulent gust of wind and found the boy sitting stock still with his eyes closed, white-knuckling the sled.

_Hang in there, kid. Hang in there._

The saving grace was that he didn't have to look down. Looking down and waiting to touch bottom would have been torture.

Every five minutes, Gray dropped a decent sized chunk of ice over the side of the sled. Never did he hear it hit bottom. And yet, they had been descending for an hour and change. The dogs sometimes struggled to find footholds, and Gray let them take their time. Those sixty eight claws were keeping him alive. If it meant getting down safely, he didn't mind if it took half a day.

Thankfully, it didn't take as long. In a couple of hours, all three sleds were down, with all equipment accounted for. Just as Gray was taking a reading and pointing the dogs the right way, another fireball went up.

_That's the seventh one._

Luca was white as a sheet by the time he made it down. Gray had him drink some brandy. He waited until colour returned to the boy's cheeks before clapping him on the shoulder.

'_You did great, Luca. You held your nerve. I'm really proud of you.'_

Though shaken, the boy smiled at that. Nodded. Gray made him eat half a chocolate bar – half as a reward, half to give him a shot of energy.

And it worked. Luca went back to his usual excited self by the time they started for the polar base camp. The last flare hadn't seemed very far away, so Gray decided against putting a mile between the sleds. Making his sled go first, he had the others follow closely at his heels. He didn't want necessary supplies coming in a few hours after his arrival.

Now, the going was smooth. Gray, restless and eager to make up for lost time, pushed the dogs harder. And they ran. Fifty one dogs thundered down the ice, threatening to outpace even the wind. Luca finally shook off the last vestiges of fear and came alive. He stared out at the mountains and hummed to himself, tapping his fingers against the sled. Gray couldn't make out what the tune was, but he was glad that Luca had come back stronger. He would need his support to get through meeting the others.

At four PM, another fireball shot up into the sky. Gray watched it rise, a smile spreading across his face. Luca turned to face him, grinning widely.

'_That's not even a mile away!'_

'_Yeah. Guess we'll be there soon.'_

'_I can't wait!'_

Soon, in the distance, there appeared a few structures with unnatural angles – right angles, squares. Man-made. Horizontal lines in a land of verticals. A bunch of single storey buildings. Gray looked at them through his binoculars. _Three. No, four._ They'd managed to build four little buildings in their few months on-site. Working through winter and summer. It was impressive. Damn impressive. Then again, what less could be expected from them?

The smallest one, off to the right, was most probably the kitchen. The two built next to one another were probably the living quarters and the lavatory. The other one, Gray suspected, was a storeroom. All in all, it seemed like a wonderful, self-sufficient environment.

By the time the clock struck five, the buildings were looking life size. The closer he got to them, the harder Gray felt his heart race. No flare went off this time. Which meant that they could see him. At that realisation, his heart skipped a beat. They were probably all taking turns, counting down the time until he arrived at their front door.

_Same as me._

Only now, within view of his destination, did it sink for Gray that he would meet his former friends face to face. Intellectually, he knew. Had known all along that this would happen. But in his single-minded pursuit, he'd put everything else on the back burner.

_What if I'm not ready? What if they're not ready, either?_

A deep sigh escaped him. His anxieties had decided to rear their heads at the worst possible time. He shook his head. Pushed them down. Whatever happened, whatever the consequences of his past actions, he would suffer them. He didn't fear them more than he loved... loved...

Gray looked up. Looked at the largest of the four buildings. Found the door open. And there, standing in the open doorway wearing at least five layers of polar clothing, stood Erza.

For a second, Gray thought it was an apparition and sucked in a breath. Unlike a mirage, she didn't waver as they neared. Even when he took off his sunglasses, he could see her clearly – standing at the doorway, hands stuffed into her coat pockets and smiling at them. That smile was easily the warmest thing anywhere on the Pole and Gray couldn't help but smile back.

As the dogs pulled up a few feet from the bunker, Gray hopped off and started walking towards her. He didn't high-five Luca. Didn't thank the dogs. Didn't even check the equipment. His body decided to walk of its own accord, his feet lengthening their stride. It was as if every single one of his muscles were working in unison under a single, simple command.

_Move._

And he did. As Gray made his way up the ramp leading to the door, Erza pulled her sunglasses off. He recognised the mirth lighting up her rich brown eyes. Knowing that she was happy, seeing it up close for himself, lifted a weight off his chest he didn't know he was carrying.

She smiled up at him as he closed the distance and stopped before her. He, in turn, smiled back.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi."

"Fancy meeting you here."

Erza chuckled. "Likewise."

_This is it, _he thought. _This is what I came for._

He'd crossed more than half of Earthland and come to the literal edge of the known world. All for her. All for this person standing half a foot before him. There was no point in lying to himself about this. She _was _the reason he'd come. She was worth it. Worth travelling to the ends of the world for.

So when she reached out and wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him into a hug, he returned it as enthusiastically as he could. He put an arm around her neck and rubbed her back, swaying to and fro gently.

Even now, on the South Pole, she smelt of strawberries. It made him laugh. Some things never changed, and he was glad for that.

Gray wasn't sure how long they held each other. He didn't complain. He didn't say anything. Neither did she. But he felt everything she was trying to say.

Gratitude. Relief. Remorse. Tenderness. Each of those emotions shone in her eyes when she pulled away. Reading all that at once almost overwhelmed him. It was too much.

Coughing into his hand to hide his blush, Gray rubbed the back of his neck. "Bit cold for ya, innit?"

"Takes a while to get used to." She shrugged. "But I learned to love the cold."

Gray's head snapped up at her words. Found her smiling at him. Before he could ask, Luca came barrelling past and threw himself at Erza.

"_Auntieeeeee__Erzaaaaaa_," he cried, stuffing his face in her shoulder. "Boy, is it good to see you! And you look great, too!" He grinned at her. "And ya know what? For a change, _I _bought _you_ chocolates! The expensive ones too!"

"My, my, that is most impressive, Luca," Erza told him once she was done crushing his bones with a hug. "I shall to have inspect the goods myself. But for now, allow me to welcome you to our base."

She put an arm around Luca's neck, and latched onto Gray's elbow with the other. He chuckled and let himself be pulled along, making sure to close the door with his foot.

Whatever happened next, whatever awkwardness he'd have to deal with, he would do so gladly because Erza was there. He was with Erza now. Everything else would fall into place.

"Luca, Gray," Erza began, every word bursting with unconcealed pride. "Welcome to the _first _ever all-weather research station in the South Pole." She beamed. "Welcome, to Mavis Camp."

* * *

**A/N: Nastja, consider your wish fulfilled! I wish you had an account so I could have a conversation with you, but I'm happy that you're liking this story so far. Hopefully the next part won't take very long! **

**On that note, it's the end of part 2, everybody. We're halfway through the story! Thank you all for continuing to read and support Cold, folks! Really can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Hope you're all having a good year!**


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